What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Missfoodlove, you have had a roller coaster of a year, havent you.
Congratulations on coping well.

That is one of my husband's mantras too. I dont entirely agree. I think, to an extent, that it depends as much on your personality.

We have had some truly awful times and have come through those intact but I know others who have not coped when life got tough.

missfoodlove so good to hear positive things have come to you after all the bad news. I dont know about the mantra but I would like to believe it.

Some awful things have happened to you Missfoodlove. I'm not sure I agree that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think it's different for everyone. I too have had some awful things - neglected and beaten as a child, mother letting a mad dentist take all my teeth out aged 11. Taken from school one day aged 7 with no explanation, put in a van alone. Taken to a clinic to have my head deloused. Suicide of my brother. Nephew dying at 16 while I was at the hospital visiting him. My DH getting cancer. Losing all my hair which will never grow back. Yes I got through it all. However, last year found me in the GP's surgery, a quivering tearful wreck. I have totally gone to pieces and am now afraid of everything. In my case, that saying is not true.

Kate, I knew about lots of your history as you have bravely told us at various times and have been so impressed by how you coped.

I'm sorry it all caught up with you and hope you will heal as time goes on. I presume Covid has not helped at all. (((Hugs)))

Thank you kitty I'm afraid I come across as a 'poor me' type and I probably am guilty as charged. I just wanted to make the point that the statement in the OP isn't true for me. I am pleased that it is true for others.

Oh my goodness such sadness that most of our problems pale into comparison! Very pleased for you Missfoodlove and so sorry for you Kate no wonder you have gone to pieces! I think there's a limit to how much personal tragedy we can endure.

I agree it is sometimes not true for everyone. I am a calm person in a crisis eg ( granddaughter had post tonsil bleed in the middle of the night daughter panicked I told her what to do but was so anxious afterwards)

Had a very difficult mother from who I became estranged most of my adult life.

My middle child diedAged 4 , 6 months after a cancer diagnosis.

My brother decided he didn’t want to seem me anymore ( poisoned by my mother although I tried to stay in touch for a long time)

Left and survived an abusive violent marriage gave evidence against him in court and got him convicted of assault.

So have had bad time’s
The positives are
I’m free to live as I please
I have wonderful support from my surviving children
I have wonderful friends especially my best friend from childhood who is like a sister to me
I have enough money

Life is good and I think in my case it has all made me stronger

These things do make you stronger while you're going through them but it's the aftermath when it's all over that it hits you, especially if you've had on-going misery such as Kate has had.

Everything seems to come to a head and because of becoming older tend to flash to the forefront as things are harder to shake off than in your younger years.

I've had a belly-full since the start of the year and although it's easing somewhat I'm a bit in the dark about how the rest of the year is going to pan out with one thing and another.

Kate, my thanks to you for opening up and can I say that by doing that makes you appear strong x .It takes a lot to explain your problems on an open forum, even though we're all faceless we still have deep feelings when others are distressed because that's what we're like here.

Feel free to visit us anytime, there's no judging and I'm sure it'll help you gain some of your confidence back. xx

A problem shared is a problem halved---very true here.

The thing is, kate, you never do come across as poor me!

I think the things that I (and we as a family) have been through have made me strong but yesterday we were having a sort out, unearthed some awful memories and I had a real wobble.

So, we are probably not strong all the time!

You really have had a difficult year so far Missfoodlove. I think kittylester is right and it does to a certain extent depend on your personality.

It works for me. I've found that the difficult times we've been through have made us stronger. When we're faced with something new to deal with, we look back at what we've already dealt with and take encouragement from previous experiences.

There's a plaque at the gym I go to which says "Look at how far you have come and see how far you can go".

Wow, what an encouraging post! I've had lots of adversity, some has made me stronger, some not... but I think it's wonderful to have somewhere like this to share it. I personally learn a lot hearing how others cope, and it certainly helps put my problems into perspective.

I spent my 50s caring for my husband through a long term and eventually terminal illness.

After he died I returned to work only to be mercilessly bullied by a colleague who resented my "intrusion" into her domain.

I recited to my self "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And then I thought, You know what. I'm strong enough, I don't need to be any stronger. "

Handed in my notice. Walked away. Best thing I ever did.

?

Thank you for your post. I naturally a depressive person, and it made me think.
Another mantra of mine is 'this too shall pass'. The lovely Tom Hanks talked about it on the radio and it really struck a chord with me.
Tom Hanks

Just want to express real admiration for those going through and having gone through horrendous experiences, you are all stronger than you think or you wouldn't be capable of opening up on GN. You all have such courage.
Missfoodlove your positivity is humbling after your awful year. Not easy to count your blessings but you have and I hope the better times continue for you.

I have not had to endure the awful events that some have, especially Missfoodlove and kate1949 and i salute your bravery in sharing it with us, but I have done some serious thinking and realised that some things which I was doing on regular basis ( one monthly club in particular) didn't give me any pleasure, I often came out of the meetings all wound up and disgruntled and these past few weeks have made me decide that I shall not return when things start up again. Strangely liberating and made me wonder just why i kept going to something, voluntarily, which I did not really enjoy.

Thank you for your kind comments. What a lovely forum this can be. I'm sorry for all your troubles.

Kate1949,

My parents and brother were very abusive, if I was a child now I would be in care.
We were a respectable middle class family to outsiders, the reality was very different.

I totally understand how you feel and I have dreaded having a breakdown and the day may yet come.
I had cancer when I was 36 and really felt that I didn’t deserve my wonderful husband and children, I was sure I would die because I was worthless.
I lived to fight another day, it was the pivotal moment in my life.

I try so hard to be happy and positive.
I believe you are only as happy as your most miserable child and right now (touch wood) we are on an even keel.

I hope this is a blip Kate and you will start to feel brave and strong soon.

Something that I still do in very stressful times is “ tapping” it’s a method that is fast effective and easy to learn.
Many counsellors recommend it.
If I can find a suitable link I will post it.

www.jackcanfield.com/blog/tapping-therapy/amp/

Here’s the method I followed.

Thank you so much Missfoodlove I'm sorry for what you've been through. It's so hard isn't it? Thanks for the link.

Gransnet is a great place, isnt it? I mentioned my wobble on the gm thread and got lots of kind thoughts.

It is a bit of a worry though that the bad things are still there to turn up just when you think they are behind you.

What a year you have had so far Missfoodlove you must have been in despair at times but now everything is looking so much better. I hope you have a great holiday with your family.

Kate1949 I was saddened to hear of all your difficulties, life seems so unfair at times. I too hope this is just a 'blip' and you feel stronger again soon.

Yes it's a great place kitty. I hope you are over your wobble now. You always come across as such a kind and unwobbly person. We all have our limits.

Thank you sodapop I don't mean to monopolise the thread.