The Old Argy Bargy Bar....a new lease of life!

It must be real then as I know he buys his Christmas crackers in Poundland.
That ring has so many stones that it could be a knuckle duster. Lemon will probably use Chewy as a bouncer at throwing out time or to stop undesirables from coming in. Mmm....that's everyone then.

No change from usual then Lemon ? Instead of Woo Flung Dung, you could be Phew Manchu ?

Yes AGA Chewy is right, she has a genuine ring. I saw Gloopy pull it out of a Christmas cracker myself ?

That's not a ruby AGAA4, it's a scrunched up milk bottle top. Whereas I, on the otherhand have a genuine sapphire in my engagement ring. And an emerald. And a pearl. And 2 diamonds.

I will be coming as a sumo wrestler so just need a large nappy.
I will wear my ruby engagement ring too.

Turns out that Gloopy is a Billy Liar character, engaged too many times ( he doesn’t like to disappoint)?
Gerrof the Admiral Doodle....me and him have an understanding.Have Soops fireman instead....he’s going spare.
Thor has found some chinese lanterns in the attic, so we can string some round the bar for Friday.
Have you all got costumes ready? Is anyone not coming as a geisha girl? I have bought a long droopy mandarin moustache so shall be coming as that well known warlord from the 14th century Woo Flung Dung.I shall enjoy being a man and throwing my weight around.?

Oh. ? Well in that case I’m going off to find the Admiral. He’s much more faithful. And as for that llama....he obviously was only after me for my posterior. ?

Doodle Gloopy is engaged to 5 of the Argy staff so your turn will come.
He has bought a dozen rings from the market for a fiver. Even Gnasher is wearing one on his collar. My ring is red. He told me it's a ruby.

Wot ? NO. He’s mine. ?. How could you. You brazen hussy brandishing your bazooms around. ...........can I be a bridesmaid? ?

Doodle, you're completely mistaken I'm afraid. Gloopy and I are engaged to be married; he's utterly smitten with me and my huge bazooms. We're saving up for a house together but, if we haven't got one by the time of the wedding, we're going to sling one of my bras between 2 trees and use it as a hammock. Would you like to come to our wedding?

Chewy it was you ?. You know Gloopy was mine for the evening. By the time I got him he was flat out...literally.
Apparently a UFO has been spotted in the sea near where we caught our fish. It bears a striking resemblance to Chewy’s bra ?
Chewy your bazooms are unlikely to ever be described as perky. Pinkie maybe but Perky never.

When Achilles, Thor and Kev saw the size of Chewy's bra they all want a date with her. Can't think why?
Gloopy of course is still smitten with Lemon since he found out she is a scrum-half for Wigan Wallabies.
Doodle and the Admiral are busy gutting fish for the sushi and getting through a lot of cocktails while they do it. The llama ran away screaming when the Admiral mistook him for a giant carp.

I think I’ll have a large Lambs Navy Rum ( or three) as it’s a quiet night.Gloopy says he needs to tell me what went on
( on Friday night) after his carriage left my place, there was an
Intruder on the roof, who then jumped in through the open window and assaulted him.He says he was too stunned and shocked to resist, but remembers it was a large lady in a sparkly dress.After the event, she ran off to the docks area.
?Which one of you was it?

Am not all that fond of sushi tbh but enjoy a plate of fried rice.I will give the saki a go as well, may as well have rice with the rice.
I found my chopsticks and will hunt out my old Chinese silk
Dressing gown ( bought in Hong Kong) by the Admiral for me: He was so drunk one night on shore leave that it took six
MP’s to drag him back to the ship.That’s military police btw.
Drunk or not, he bought me all sorts of gifts, including a knitted parrot ( there it sits, behind the bar)Ah! Happy days.

AGAA4, would you mind returning my 56EE bra please? Whilst you might find it very useful for lugging a hundred weight of rice across the market, it does also serve the purpose of keeping my bazooms in an upright and perky condition. Give it back please!

Well done AGA you are really getting the hang of the old flash of bloomers for a heap of goodies routine! A fast learner, but don’t try it in Waitrose or you’ll be arrested.
I’ll send Achilles to assist you in the brewing, when I can find him, he may be slacking off, he likes to have a kip on the pile of old bar towels in the washroom.

Well done Doodle. Inspirational to use Chewy's bra. We will have lots of sushi from all those fish. Legover Larry loved my garter so he gave me 25lbs of rice for it and the florin. I will start brewing the saki. Now where is Achilles? He promised to help.

AGA do your best. We will need lots of saki on Friday. Legover Larry likes a glimpse of leg.
We had a successful days fishing today. In the end we used Chewy’s bra as a fishing net. Magnificent catch. Mind you we had to throw the whales back, too big for the old Salty Shrimp to cope with. On our way home now to the Argy to celebrate.

I notice Legover has Doodle as his pin up in his shop. She looks very fetching in her 'itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini' but as she is out fishing I will see what I can get with a florin, black stockings and red garter.

AGA I don’t trust Steaming Stan, so here’s a florin I have taken from my personal stash.Buy as much rice as you can with it, and give them a flash of your stocking top.

Doodle a great idea! Chewy can hang her Derry Air over the side, the fish will think it’s Moby Dick ( or is that another joke entirely?)?

I hope you are not going in the Admiral's leaky old tub, the salty shrimp, Doodle. you will spend the whole voyage bailing out.

Oooh Doodle you can be vicious!

Oh he’s oriental theme. I have a kimono too Chewy we could both be Geishas. ?
Don’t worry about the rice AGA I have an arrangement with Steaming Stan at the Chinese Laundry who is going to let us have a job lot of rice in return for some saki.
The Admiral and I are setting sail tomorrow. We are going to try and catch some fish for the sushi and some seaweed. Anyone want to come? I was thinking of hanging Chewy off the bow as bait. ?. ????????

Well it will have to be Legover Larry or Fast Fritz if we want rice for the saki. The things I have to do for the Argy!
I thought there were only buttons in the till Chewy. Are you sure you didn't raid Lemon's stash? Thousands in there. Haven't you noticed her diamond tiara?

She hasn't got 2 shillings though AGAA4. I took all the money from the bar when I sued last night. Ooooooh! I've got whiplash!