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What to do

(3 Posts)
Hamp75 Mon 14-Sep-20 00:17:52

When I retired I used some money I'd inherited to fulfil my dream and buy a little house in France. My h and I sold our home in the UK and bought another smaller house closer to the airport. The intention always was to split our time between the 2 countries. The brexit referendum put paid to all that and in order to be able to use our French home when we want, for how long we want, we have had to chose to become French residents with all the bureaucracy that entails. It has been an incredibly stressful 4 years which has taken a lot of the joy out of our move and its not over yet. I am the sort of person who will look to join in things and find new friends. My h takes no interest in any activities or learning the language. It has always been a bone of contention that after ceasing playing football at 30 he has never taken up any other hobby. He likes to go to the pub, watches a bit of football and if in the UK likes a bet. Oh and he still likes sex which after 45 years together I am not remotely interested in now but still pesters me for. So he tells me he is not happy living in France. Equally he hates Britain particularly what is happening at the moment and the weather. We seem to be growing further apart. I have suggested he spend more time at our UK house if that is how he feels. In the next breathe he says he doesn't want to be there because of Covid. I am at a loss as to what to suggest. I din't want him to be unhappy but there is no way I could live permanently in the UK under this Govt. I feel at home in France. The value of our homes combined is below average UK property prices so we don't have many options to move. Our children live in different parts of the Country but to live closer to one would be to live even further away from the others.How do other retired couples manage when they each want different things. I'm not ready to spend days sitting at home. That time come soon enough when I lose mobility. I read that over 60's are now the highest age group for divorces and I can see why.

Newatthis Tue 22-Sep-20 13:34:50

Can you be apart yet be together? If he likes being in the UK and you prefer France then why not take extended 'holidays' away from each other as you seem to have different needs and wants. You sound as if you are a very independent person so could perhaps manage a month here and there in France and this would give you a nice break. I'm not sure about French post brexit law but you could get someone to look into that - there are loads of expats living there. The journey can't be that long if you live near an airport so you could be back if needed for an emergency. If you accept the situation you. ight find that it will be his way or no way and then you'll really be stuck in a rut.

Oopsadaisy4 Tue 22-Sep-20 14:21:32

Oh dear, he really sounds out of sorts doesn’t he?

He doesn’t want to be in the UK, or France, but he wants to be with you!

You need to ask him what he suggests and then get on with your life and let him sort himself out, you can’t be responsible for making him happy all of the time, he’s not 5, he’s a grown up and needs to act like one.
Hopefully he will get over it, we are all constrained at the moment and have to find ways of keeping ourselves occupied and amused.