Feeling inhibited

I just go in a different room to talk

I realise that it's not quite the same as having a verbal chat but have you considered emailing your friends? Also, is there a reason why you cannot meet up for a walk somewhere, observing social distancing of course?

My late partner loved the phone and Skype and I hated speaking on both. He would try and make me talk to people by handing me the phone or involving me in the Skype conversation and then butt in all the time. Since he died I have chatted with friends on Skype and feel quite relaxed doing it because I have no one listening in.

I feel for you, but a suggestion - could you get an extender which could improve the signal in another room? You will need a diffferent password when using the extender but could be worth it!!

Antonia, why not meet up with your friends? There is nothing to stop you doing that. You can meet in a park or go for a walk, or have a coffee with them. You just need to remain socially distanced from them. I have managed to meet two friends since total lockdown ended. With one we walked in the park and sat down, socially distanced. We took our own drink with us. With the other, we went for lunch in a very empty pub. The trick there is to go early, we went at 12.00 and people were starting to come in as we left.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I feel exactly the same

Can't you tell him to go out and not come back for an hour? Maybe even just tell him the truth - that you'd rather speak in private as his presence is off-putting.
Or - as others have suggested - just resume the meetings. It's perfectly do-able now.

Well there is so much in your answers that I can relate to!My husband has no interests and usually likes his mobile on ‘speaker’. I don’t like to hear conversations. I tr,unto go out of the room to prevent him listening or chipping in - I regard this as being rude. When I come off the phone he wants me to repeat exactly what has been said - I regard this as being completely intrusive! Also I don’t like to ask my friends back to my house as he is always there, joining in our conversation. When at my friends houses all their partners are elsewhere or appreciate that we prefer to meet with no interference from themselves. Very difficult.

Totally get this. If me and Dh are in the same room when I’m on the phone, he just sits watching me, and listening. I think Covid has taken a lot of our privacy away. Even if I’m upstairs away from him, he’ll find a reason to pop on. Infuriating ???

You can do something about it...... my friend and I always met weekly for a lunch in a pub....but now ( weather permitting) we go along our river , find a bench and have a socially distanced picnic. She’s brings food...I bring wine in a flask and glasses, with a ice pack to keep it cool. We have a great time and it’s certainly cheaper. Give it a go!

It is OK to meet with one other friend to chat at a suitable distance, but more than that number means I find it hard to hear and engage with others.

Resume your lunches, if there are not more than five others, make the most of this weather, sit in a garden somewhere and natter away?

My husband has disabilities which mean he finds it very difficult to be physically active. Obviously, that mean I do most things in the house and garden, and he would love me to spend every minute with him, for company. There are times when I would love to be able to talk to someone (about worries, or even just gossip) and I achieve this by emailing people, and joining in discussions such as this one. I now have a "pen friend" following a request on Gransnet! We can chat to one another by email and exchange photographs, views on books (we both like reading and gardening) etc. We have a "computer room" where the Desktop Computer lives, and he does "pop in" sometimes, usually just to check that I'm OK. We both have smartphones, but as I'm partially sighted, he can see and read my phone, so not really private. If we visit anyone, or go out anywhere, out of necessity, we go together. I can't travel alone, and he would not choose to go anywhere without me, but since we get on very well and enjoy each others company, this isn't a problem. It is nice though, to be able to chat and know that only the person you are speaking to, can hear you!

Sorry, but why doesn’t this lady simply ask her husband to pop into the bedroom with a book or whatever while she chats to her friends? It’s not rocket science is it?

I think that if the OP wanted to resume her lunches she would have done so .

At no point has she said that her husband is unreasonable- basically her post was exactly the tone and sort of subject matter used in my calls to my friend, and some of the responses on here illustrate perfectly how things can be taken out of context when overheard.

If you want to make a stand regarding your phone conversations, do so. But tell him. Tell him that you are perfectly entitled to have a conversation anywhere and with anyone without being supervised or monitored. Tell him that he should certainly be embarrassed at his own behaviour in front of people he hardly knows - because you are. Ask him just why he is hanging around and has nothing better to do. See what he says. Maybe he's never actually thought that he looks like a needy child - or a controller. If all else fails, then regularly go out to lunch as you used to do or have a picnic somewhere convenient with your friends. It's not about having secrets or talking about things behind his back, it's about being able to relax and be yourself and having the privacy to do just that.....you're not joined at the hip. You need that female company in your life, enjoy it all !

is it possible with whatsapp to also message as well as video call, you can do that with zoom. If so sounds a good idea to use headphones and occasionally send a written message. If he won't go away maybe start talking about menopause or periods and other such things that he really won't want to listen to lol, or try and involve him in discussing Mavis's hot flushes what would he do lol

Why are you still talking at home can’t you resume your meet-ups I ve been meeting friends for coffee for months now, you don’t have to touch them, breath on them, or be near them
You are much better off in the fresh air than having your husband breathing down your neck listening in

Where are you OP?
Several of us have asked why you don’t resume your lunches out with your friends.

Is there a reason why that can’t happen?

I totally understand how you feel, I would feel inhibited too.
My OH is the same actually, when talking with his friend abroad, he likes to chat in another room. We are just lucky with have 2 rooms. I would just tell him nicely to make himself scarce while you are chatting.

I would also arrange to meet in person, even a park bench and flask of coffee is so enjoyable. It will give you all a boost. Why not suggest it to the others? No reason not to.

I agree its not the same.

I must be lucky! My husband goes into the kitchen diner when I have a Zoom meeting with my local folk club but comes in half way through to give me a cup of tea, says hello to everyone on the screen they all wave back and he is gone. I’d find it strange singing solo in front of him but used to do it often in the pub or folk club.... bizarre.

I so get this. I live in a small flat. I cannot meet my friends for a picnic as they live too far away. I make do with What's app and emails. If friends call the landline, I let the answerphone pick up the message.

Can't you meet up at a cafe/park/pub/garden?