I may have offended - not sure what to do

As Chairperson it is your responsibility to control the meeting, follow the agenda and keep the Committee focussed on matters in hand.

These two individuals were completely in the wrong but seemingly are not Adult enough to admit that they overstepped the mark.

Just ignore the matter, move on, don't send anymore messages as it will make you look needy. Be the bigger person.

I'm also a Chair of a local retirees group and believe me, we have a certain cohort who go out of their way to make life difficult and unpleasant just for the fun of it; one of them even went as far as to demand that one Committee make an important decision without discussing it at a meeting, it caused no end of problems when the person refused.

If I was in the meeting I would have been grateful to you. I think Madgran’s advice is very good, if you feel you were a bit sharp.

Jilly, you sound so lovely ! I spend half my life thinking I’ve upset people and most of the time I don’t think they have even noticed. We’re just sensitive souls. If you have a WattsApp group, it’s very useful to send through a ‘funny’ to break the ice if you’re unsure of others’ reactions.

I can understand exactly how you feel Jilly, been there, done that.... etc.

However, over the years I have decided, that, unless, completely and utterly rude and I intend to give offence,

then I do NOT give offence, if someone wants to TAKE offence that is a matter for them..

sometimes I will point that out to someone if I am feeling ugh!! was I rude? and say exactly that,, I never INTEND to give offence.. however.................

Had you allowed the discussion to continue you would have caused more upset for the members with no grandchildren. It was a no win situation. You could explain your reasons to the two friends in a huff. I suspect they would feel embarrassed by their own thoughtlessness.

I used to belong to a Book group and this was always a problem, in fact getting back to the book was often difficult, I felt sorry for those that had no g.children and were really there for the book! Really always happens when there’s a group all granny aged, even a lot of GN posts.??‍???‍?

Give it a week. By then the feelings will have faded. By the following week, nobody will recall exactly what was said!
You were entirely right. Well done you for fulfilling your role. It’s never easy being a Chairperson - that’s why so few people wish to take on that role.
The mature thing for them to have done would have been to apologise for chatting, agree that the meeting needed to progress and make a little joke or laugh it off. Then everyone can happily continue without offence being taken.
Of course that’s the ideal world!

You did exactly the right thing. Being chairwoman you're never going to keep everyone happy. Shame on the huffies. It's perfectly possible to disagree with things that happen in a meeting without being so self centred that you have to hang on to a slight.

I lead a group and when people take us off track, I usually allow a short 'excursion' off the point, and then say something brief to accept that what the speaker was saying is important/fun/interesting , and that now I want us to get back to our topic. As so often, I think it isn't only what you say, but how you say it. Sometimes I may upset the 'off track' speaker, but I aim to look after the needs of the goup while not making anyone feel 'told off'. I hope the OP can find a good way to repair the friendships, which obviously matter to her and her friends.

They knew they were in the wrong....that’s why they got stroppy and huffy. Don’t stress over it, the other three were probably really grateful too. I would have been bored senseless listening to that, and I have children/ grandchildren. That’s not why you were there.

You did the right thing, they were wrong and should have left their chatting and catching up with family news until the end of the meeting. They probably haven't a clue what they did wrong but I am sure they will come round

You’re obviously a kind, considerate person: otherwise you wouldn’t have been so concerned about how the conversation was upsetting many of the people at the meeting. Ditto being concerned that you’ve offended the two people in question. At this moment in time we all need to think not just of ourselves but of how our words and actions are affecting those around us, both mentally and physically. You did the right thing at the meeting so don’t beat yourself up about it.

I hope you do not apologise or attempt to placate these committee members, because if you do they will assert their poor behaviour at the next meeting. As chairwoman you were absolutely right to intervene, and they know it.

If you apologise this time they'll think it's ok to hijack the agenda next time.
Large meetings I used to go to through work often ended up with small groups having their own discussions. The chair was famous for her comment, "Girls, girls, back in the room!" to get us all on track again.

I think you will see from the posts that you did the right thing. But I do understand how you feel! It’s an odd time at the moment and I have been thinking that I have become maybe a bit more aggressive! Always been able to see both sides of a story and erred on the side of keeping the peace! Now I find myself easily irritated or should I say opinionated!!
My daughter was killed in a car crash ten years ago and my husband died three years ago. Shouldn’t use that as an excuse... but I know how you feel!!

Oh what Wise Grans we all are - I absolutely agree that you have nothing to reproach yourself for. And PLEASE do not feel the need to apologise - it would feel like grovelling to me. Often our work team meetings meander off topic and our TL is hopeless at chairing, and every single time I have to speak up and bring us back on track. You see I am the oldest, and a Gran, SO I CAN!!

If they refuse to be friends because of this minor incident...you were in the right by the way...they are not worth having as friends. It was a meeting not a social gathering.

You did exactly the right thing. Anyway, I'm guessing we have all become a little less socially adept recently. Maybe they were over sensitive and/or you were less than charming. I think they will have forgotten it in a week or so, but if either of them ever mentions it just say 'Sorry if it upset you, but we did need to get on.'

If you are the Chair of a committee it is your responsibility to keep the meeting on track. They were being disrespectful and selfish.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agree with Theoddbird. If your so-called “friends” are offended by this, then it’s their problem not yours. You sound sensitive to other people’s feelings OP and they must certainly do not. Their behaviour was quite simply rude. If you want them back in your life, let them come to you.

Granny two shoes ?

Jillybird. How I feel for you! The fact that you are here agonising about it and asking advice shows how kind and caring you are!
Sometimes in life it is just impossible to keep everybody happy. I think you did the right thing. I have two wonderful friends, both unmarried and childless and who would have been such amazing mothers. Their lives have been filled with tragedy. I am always aware of them when the conversations about children start.
I don't know whether you have any correspondence with the committee in writing following this meeting. I may be wrong but I just wondered if a message saying you hoped nobody felt too hurried when there was a small break for chatting and you felt it was time to get on. Just say you knew people had long journeys or something relevant along neutral lines. It might not hurt to convey that you were aware that you had to break up people's chatting and hoped people understood. I would send the same message to everybody though. If this is a bad idea then ignore it!

Meanwhile, try not to dwell on it. When we take on responsibilities, we do get lumbered by people's feelings sometimes and forced to be in the middle where we can't please everyone. It's life I'm afraid! Being resilient and not getting upset or worried about it is quite another matter! It's something I have not really mastered myself.

Good luck, Jillybird! I'm sure you did the right thing!

Just ring them up in a few days and say, "I'm sorry I had to act with my Chairperson hat on but just wanted to see how you were. It must be difficult to be without your grandchildren..." and then just let them ramble on about that for a while. They'll get over it and you will have acknowledged that you weren't acting with a personal edge. Let's fact it, they would have plenty of time to chat after the meeting if it was that important.

Grannytwoshoes. Oh how very sad! Indeed more than sad. Words are inadequate.
I agree with your being more assertive. I have had some tragedies but nothing as terrible as losing a child, that is the worst thing I can imagine happening. But I do sometimes hear women complaining and wonder what they would do were they to have had my experiences... People sometimes are rather complacent and do not realise how fortunate they are. Jillybird is empathetic, as I believe are you, she thinks from the perspective of others and feels how they might feel. When a person is unaware of the pain they may be causing another, you and I may well step in with more assertiveness than Jilly, simply knowing that life is not all like the rosy one which the complacent people are indulging in at the expense of the feelings of others far less fortunate. I can be very impatient about those who are too wrapped up in their own perfect world to think that others have distress and unhappiness in theirs.
I do hope you are managing somehow to get through life and feel a sense of purpose. ???
I must tell you, briefly, when my first baby was born, I nearly died. The doctor thought both she and I had died. I had an out of body experience. I saw my body from above. Then I went with somebody towards a very bright but not dazzling light. As we got nearer there was so much love around it was overwhelming and a group of people who all knew me were there and were so excited and happy to see me. Then I received the wordless message that now was not the time and spun round and came back the same way through my forehead. My baby had been resuscitated. While I was out of my body I was truly alive and very happy. It was a wonderful experience. That was over 45 years ago and it still means so much to me. I truly believe we are Souls living in a body and we leave when our body stops working. I have to tell you, it would be so selfish not to say anything. There are theories about it but the Scientists can only theorise, the people to whom this truly happens are always changed. I am a Scientist. I am convinced God loves us. I believe the terrible things on earth are all because we live here where the Devil and his people do their horrible things. Your daughter is in a wonderful place as is your husband. You can talk to them as well. I ask God to give messages to my Dad!

With much love Elle ???