The TV series ‘Life’ - familiar behaviour?

My daughter reminded me last week that I was always the but of chauvinistic jokes from her three brothers at the meal table, and one DS still takes the mickey. I normally have a reasonable self confidence, but he can make me feel as though my opinions are worthless. I fear female emancipation still has a long way to go in some quarters!

In the series, having made the decision to go and whilst packing her bag, last week she found out that husband only had six months to live, so I suppose the poor thing is in for six months of hell before she can start to live her own life, and that will probably be riddled with guilt.

Luckylegs I am sorry to read your post. My 1st husband (now ex) did that to me in company. I came out of the marriage with rock-bottom self esteem.

People who use the excuse "Oh, you're too sensitive" are excusing their bullying.... or else they say "It was just a joke. Don't you have a sense of humour?" Whichever .... it is bullying pure and simple, and the person with the problem is the one who is doing it.

If I had my time again, I would call my husband out every time he did it ..... but back then I was belittled and browbeaten.

Yes, I saw that she was just on her way out of the door when he came home with the bombshell. I wonder how it will play out?

If I wasn’t so busy looking after said granddaughter and doing said daughter’s washing and ironing, I might have the chance to watch the whole series on iPlayer!

I KNOW they all think the world of me and love me to bits but I don’t think they realise how hurtful it is or am I just being too sensitive? The thing is, I don’t think I’d make a joke at someone else’s expense so it’s completely alien to me!

I meant to add that later, after counselling, I realised that people treat us the way we let them. We have to take a stand against upsetting or bad behaviour or it will just continue ... it's never too late in the day to do that.

I would find that very upsetting too - for a bit I had my DiL always saying things to me until one day I had enough and gave a great response which I now cannot remember but she never did it again. There were several of us together at the time and the room fell silent - it was that I think which did the trick.
DH started to try it a couple of times but straight away I started replying - thank you very much - how kind of you - that, I found, made him feel foolish.

I haven't watched it but sympathise with your OP Luckylegs.
Two things; firstly perhaps your D should experience what it's like to be the constant "butt" of these jokes and see how she feels about it then.

Secondly, as your H has acknowledged that what he considers to be jokes aren't funny at all, he should reign it when your AC start.

I had years of this from my brother and know how hurtful and upsetting it can be. It took me a long time to realise that I am in fact as 'clever' as he is and that for him, that was a problem.

Sparklefizz is right, people will treat us the way we let them and it's never too late to stand up to those who treat as badly.

Think of a few 'one liners' you can respond with. I know that '2 wrongs don't make a right' but there are times when playing people at their own game is the way to go. This is one of those times.

My friend's husband was in the habit of making her the butt of his 'jokes' (so-called), putting her (and women in general) down.

She eventually decided she'd had enough. Every time he did it, she reminded him, loudly, that she'd asked him to stop and show her respect.

It worked and he did stop!

Ooh! That’s a good idea, Hetty. I’m at present giving my H the silent treatment because he shouted at me last night twice in front of D and GD. This is even though he must have heard how they spoke to me. His usual excuse is that he ‘“didn’t hear anything’”, no, selective deafness.

I’m not good at thinking of one liners or anything else, Smileless, I wish I were. My D is more shouty than anything else, she raises her voice to obliterate anyone else and obviously GD does too.

I’m getting madder and madder and ready for them when they come for their tea tonight!

This is where my H will say, which is true, that I’m working myself up to have a confrontation and I know that will make for a miserable evening but I WILL tell them!

When asked by an ex friend years ago where my sense of humour was I replied, many people enjoyed it but your insulting humour is only enjoyed by you

I do wonder if people relying on this type of humour have underlying insecurities and behave in this manner to make themselves feel better. Not an acceptable excuse though as they know their words will be cutting.

Yes, Kalu, they put others down to make themselves feel superior.

Firstly what appalling behaviour, it’s tantamount to bullying and disrespectful. I’m sure if someone did that to your GD your D would speak up (not sure of their ages). Secondly, why are you doing their washing and ironing? If you want to watch it, you should.

Luckily I don’t have a husband like that he’s a quiet man and let’s me chat away without interference I really feel for those of you who do and vice versa of course. I thought the series was brilliant btw.

I enjoyed the series too. I think making fun of others is bullying and people who do it need to be made aware of that.

I was picked on by my parents and brother constantly.
Everything I wore, said or did was criticised or ridiculed
As a result I find it hard if any attention is drawn to me, I cannot accept compliments easily and often feel people are being disingenuous.

I really understand how it feels.

I’ve only seen the first episode, but quickly recognised myself in Alison, I turned to my DH and said that’s me, always being talked over and not listened to.He didn’t even turn around and acknowledge me. Case shut.?

Keep watching. I binge watched the whole series because I wanted to see how it turned out. The other stories were just a distraction. I was really only interested in Alison Steadman and Peter Davidson's characters.

I’m sorry you can identify with such feelings Missfoodlove. Undermining by your parents was despicable but to condone your brother’s behaviour beggars belief.

It must be so difficult for you to realise your worth after years of being a scapegoat for others insecurities but I sincerely hope you, no matter how late, realise your worth and not allow such awful treatment to define who you are. I’m sure every compliment you receive is given with sincerity. Learn to enjoy them. ?

Kalu.

Thank you, my wonderful children and husband have been my therapy.
My parents and brother have died, I now have peace.

My husband is usually fine, but we do get teased by our children. I just think ‘ what goes around, comes around’. We were always teasing our parents! As long as it’s just harmless banter. If you feel it’s deeper than that, definitely let them know it upsets you.

Oops! I didn't know about this thread and posted earlier about this series. I am really enjoying it. Can i ask for my post to be added to this one or does it have to stay where it is?