A friend who constantly moans about her Husband

why don't you sayto her, do you think maybe he goes out to get away from being nagged at.
life is too short.
be more direct. not horrid just honest.
something like, stop cynthia; i can't do anything about it, you don't seem to want to, and i don't want to hear about it. it's actually quite draining.
or swerve her. value your own time. and ears.

When my mother in law used to complain about her 'useless husband', his reply was always "Well if I was perfect I wouldn't need you, would I?"

Thank you all for you helpful replies. Yes her Husband probably goes out to play golf to get away from her. I will try some of the suggestions given and hope that this makes her think about listening to me for a change!

Judy54 Please be kind to her. My experience exactly like your friend's H. I never said a word to anyone - too ashamed of being blinded by his charm. This at a time when a woman's earning power of no consequence in a male dominated society. On his death my grief, the anger stored for 38 years. Twenty years on, I still berate him to myself.








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Think I would suggest a separation or divorce, might make her think about the impact she is having on others?

I'm glad someone told us what LTB is. I was trying to work it out.......Lesbian, Bi-, Trans-.......0bviously on the wrong track!

A lovely friend of mine has just moved away from here and I miss her. But, she did that too, and I don't miss that!

Moaning minnies drag everybody down.
Maybe that’s why the husband enjoys his golf so much.

Sounds to me like one of those women who moan, but must apparently enjoy making martyrs of themselves (and having something to moan about) since whatever anyone says they won’t stop pandering to their dh or their children, and being an utter doormat.

I had a friend like this - it took me ages to realise that being a slave/doormat must have given her some sort of satisfaction, in that it meant her family ‘needed’ her so much.

These sort of moaners serve a useful purpose in making you feel better about your old man's shortcomings.

She would find something, they always do.

Thought it might be, then she would nothing to complain about!.

Leave the bastard

What is LTB?.

We get more than a few posts of that ilk from time to time on GN.
The Mumsnet response is LTB!

"I am here to support you when you decide to do something about it. How did you like the movie on TV last night?"

Some people just enjoy being a martyr

Tell her politely, that there is no point in complaining if she does not intend to do anything about it and that in future you will be happy to discuss solutions, but as you know the problems there is no point in her continually repeating them.

I have a friend just like that. She just moans all the time about her husband, he has dementia, so it is hard for her but he is still capable of a decent conversation and is a lovely man. We make suggestions to help her but she doesn't take any of them onboard. To be honest it gets me down as she is not at all interested in anybody else.

grumppa!

Sounds like an average Gransnetter (ducks behind sofa).

I agree with Calendargirl but add that you would prefer to discuss cheerier subjects as there’s enough negativity at the moment and she’s obviously not going to tackle him. Perhaps she has nothing else to talk about?

Jump in with a complete change of subject, such as 'have you seen, have you read or even next weeks weather forecast !
this is what i would do!

I find that sympathising about the failure of a friend’s marriage and enthusiastically recommending divorce leads to a much more positive tone, and if it starts again, I can always say things like ‘I so admire your willingness to give him another chance, but it doesn’t seem to be working, does it?’

I have a friend who was widowed early and suddenly. When a mutual friend goes on about her husband, she simply says ‘You at least have one’. That usually shuts her up.