A friend who constantly moans about her Husband

When she starts grumbling about him again, say “Well, I’ve suggested ways of trying to deal with this before, and you don’t seem to think they will help, so it’s no use discussing it again. Now, what else can we chat about?”

If she still keeps moaning, be a bit more assertive.

Not really, Judy54. I find that people who constantly moan about their situation rarely do anything about it. I have a friend who constantly complains about the maintenance on her huge house. She could easily downsize but when I suggest this she finds obstacles to my suggestions. Another friend's house needs refurbishing top to bottom and she complaints but never does anything about it. Other people I know moan about their weight but never attempt to lose it. I have learned that people are as they are. You'll just have to listen or drop the friendship I guess.

I think I would just listen and let in go in one ear and out the other. My
Lovely neighbour is exactly like this about her Husband and we end up having a laugh about it.

I have a friend who was widowed early and suddenly. When a mutual friend goes on about her husband, she simply says ‘You at least have one’. That usually shuts her up.

I find that sympathising about the failure of a friend’s marriage and enthusiastically recommending divorce leads to a much more positive tone, and if it starts again, I can always say things like ‘I so admire your willingness to give him another chance, but it doesn’t seem to be working, does it?’

Jump in with a complete change of subject, such as 'have you seen, have you read or even next weeks weather forecast !
this is what i would do!

I agree with Calendargirl but add that you would prefer to discuss cheerier subjects as there’s enough negativity at the moment and she’s obviously not going to tackle him. Perhaps she has nothing else to talk about?

Sounds like an average Gransnetter (ducks behind sofa).

grumppa!

I have a friend just like that. She just moans all the time about her husband, he has dementia, so it is hard for her but he is still capable of a decent conversation and is a lovely man. We make suggestions to help her but she doesn't take any of them onboard. To be honest it gets me down as she is not at all interested in anybody else.

Tell her politely, that there is no point in complaining if she does not intend to do anything about it and that in future you will be happy to discuss solutions, but as you know the problems there is no point in her continually repeating them.

Some people just enjoy being a martyr

"I am here to support you when you decide to do something about it. How did you like the movie on TV last night?"

We get more than a few posts of that ilk from time to time on GN.
The Mumsnet response is LTB!

What is LTB?.

Leave the bastard

Thought it might be, then she would nothing to complain about!.

She would find something, they always do.

These sort of moaners serve a useful purpose in making you feel better about your old man's shortcomings.

Sounds to me like one of those women who moan, but must apparently enjoy making martyrs of themselves (and having something to moan about) since whatever anyone says they won’t stop pandering to their dh or their children, and being an utter doormat.

I had a friend like this - it took me ages to realise that being a slave/doormat must have given her some sort of satisfaction, in that it meant her family ‘needed’ her so much.

Moaning minnies drag everybody down.
Maybe that’s why the husband enjoys his golf so much.

A lovely friend of mine has just moved away from here and I miss her. But, she did that too, and I don't miss that!

I'm glad someone told us what LTB is. I was trying to work it out.......Lesbian, Bi-, Trans-.......0bviously on the wrong track!

Think I would suggest a separation or divorce, might make her think about the impact she is having on others?