Funerals

I'd give flowers but not go. It's just daft to risk your health for a funeral, isn't it?

Personally i would go. Crems are super good at the SD rules. Wear a mask, use hand sanitiser, they usually arrange seating so rules are adhered too. You dont have to attend a wake as they are not allowed but it shows a mark of respect and stops any issues further down the line with neighbours. Unless of course you are shielding, that is a good reason not to go.

Please don’t worry. I unfortunately lost my elderly father fairly recently not due to COVID and had to arrange his funeral. I informed the neighbours who knew him and said they were welcome to attend if they felt able. Not many came but a lot of them stood on the street as the hearse went down the road. I appreciated this so much. It was a lovely thought and a mark of respect.

Invitations are necessary at the moment, due to the number limit.
An empty funeral is very sad. Your attendance might have comforted the family. But it's your life, and the deceased person won't know or care.

Sorry meant service was relayed outside

When my father died of Covid only 10 allowed to burial. However, others who were not in the family stood well away but attended. A friend who died of Covid was cremated. Only immediate family allowed inside but service related outside where others gathered to show their respect. Sad times but we will get through it

A lady where I grew up as a child passed away a couple of weeks past and I didn't go. Her service was at her home and then on to the crem. She was well known in our town and I knew there would be a few there so that's why I stayed at home. I popped a sympathy card through the door for her family and left it at that.

We are driving tomorrow all the way from the north of Lancashire to Poole to the funeral of my H’s only beloved aunt. I am not keen to go and risk either taking the virus or catching it but it’s been hard to convince my H. He’s been asked to say the eulogy and we are allowed to travel to funerals. We were going to stay two nights and have a little break but now we’re just going to stay the minimum one night which is a shame after travelling all that way.

We realise we can’t eat out anywhere, just takeaways presumably and can’t do touristy things which is a shame as I would have liked to look around. I’m quite nervous about it all but I imagine most people will be quite elderly and obviously there will be masks worn and no hugs. Do you think it will be ok?

Flo I too find an invitation to a funeral strange. My feeling is that the death should be made known and then it is up to others if they wish to attend.
We did receive an invitation once to the funeral of an acquaintance which we declined. Apparently there was a huge turn out which I suspect was the reason for all the invitations.
Unusual times during a pandemic may make it easier for family to invite in order to restrict numbers within the rules.

Some very unkind comments in this thread!

I think "invitations "are necessary at the moment because of restricted numbers, but the OP has now told us that the funeral has taken place and she sent a card and watched the car leave.

My Mum lost a childhood friend. Her partner had been the husband's friend for 40 years. Neither my Mum or her partner went to the funeral, not because they didn't want to but life is for the living so it was more important they shielded from Covid. They were disappointed not to go but they know their friend would have understood and missing the funeral did not diminish their love or respect for her.

I find it strange that you have been 'invited' to a funeral. I've never heard of that. In our village we've had several prominent residents die over the past few months - none of them from coronavirus - and the locals have turned out in the main street to pay their respects while the hearse passes by. Quite moving, and possibly more meaningful than a socially-distanced crematorium.

Go if you want to and its safe to do so. If you don't feel comfortable don't feel you have to go and don't feel guilty. Funerals are difficult at the best of times, but not necessary that you attend if you can't.

I agree with moggycuddler, especially as the person was an acquaintance not a family member of yours. I’m of the same opinion of my late mother I’m afraid that I don’t go to anymore funerals than is absolutely necessary, we have to go to enough of these awful things during our lifetime with our own families. There are many people that love a funeral and ‘go to the opening of an envelope’ and I know a few of those! If you weren’t particularly close to that person then to me it’s hypocritical to attend and you can end up feeling like you’re there just to make up the numbers for the family. Don’t feel bad about going, I’m sure you’ve sent a nice card to let the close family know you send your condolences and leave it at that. I wholeheartedly agree with the Simple Cremations too, this is what my husband and myself are doing, I certainly don’t want our only son to be at a service for us, paying out a fortune and feeling he’s got to provide a wake for people that he really doesn’t know that well after. I would prefer he does what we did when my mother passed which was go to a restaurant (just immediate family) have a nice meal and toast my mother with 1 drink and go home, she would of approved and more to the point I would approve when I go.

Oh it’s done now, there we are. Have a nice cup of tea and remember your neighbour fondly. No self recrimination , not necessary.

I would go. If there are only going to be eight people there, all with masks, and socially distanced I can’t see a problem. Going to a funeral is more than saying goodbye to the person who has died, although it is that of course, but it’s about giving support to the bereaved. That’s why I’d go, to support the family. There’ll be no wake, so it’ll be fairly quick, and you’ll be home again in no time.

I would say I'd been feeling a bit under the weather and I think it's best to stay at home for everyone's safety. Send a nice card. I hate funerals, my husband and I have arranged for "pure cremations" with no services. We are not religious and we would rather leave what money we have to our daughter than spend it on a funeral. We intend saying goodbye to each other in our own private quiet ways when the time comes, and our daughter agrees. We have no other relatives and nobody else who'd be interested to go to a funeral anyway.

I think one or two are being a bit harsh. The poster has said she doesn’t want to go. She must have good reason, fear of Covid infection perhaps. If getting older has taught me anything it is that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do and it is up to my conscience to judge me and no-one else.
I’m sure your card has sensitively reflected your respect and sympathy. Let them know straight away that you are sorry but can’t attend so that someone else can take your place.
Don’t feel bad, it won’t help anyone.

Hellsbelles

You could tell them you have received a contact & trace text to say you may have been in contact with someone ( you'd obviously have to stay in if they can see your comings & goings )
Or your feeling a bit under the weather and want to stay away from people ( just in case )

Oh no, don’t lie!

Perhaps there aren’t many friends or acquaintances to ask.

If you don’t want to go, be honest and say why.

A 99 year old neighbour died recently (she would have been 100 this month) and the funeral car drove slowly across our road with many people out on the doorstep.

They have gone past now. Other neighbours were out too. We couldn't have even shared cars. It was very moving and sad.

So glad you're not going.

One of our local shopkeepers died recently, not from Covid, but a sudden heart attack. The family made a point of having the funeral cars driven past the shop, and many people lined the street, as a mark of respect. They didn’t have to, but chose to, for the family’s sake.
I would have attended the funeral, in your place. Obviously you now have a good reason not to attend.

I'd only go to a funeral if I liked the person. Otherwise I don't think I'd want to.