Funerals

We went to a neighbours funeral last week. there were only 8 there, we wore masks and social distancing was easy. The family were super grateful. If you just don't want to go because you don't feel close to the neighbour or family then make your excuses and don't go, but I'm sure the family would be appreciative if you went.

Difficult decision but go with your gut feeling. I’m now of an age I don’t do things I don’t want to do. If the funeral car is leaving from the house I would stand outside to show your respect. My neighbour wasn’t able to go to her dads funeral who also lived in the same street. this was at the very start of Covid - he was cremated straight from the hospital.

It's up to you, of course. With the limits, is there a reason they have asked you? Maybe your neighbour spoke highly of you to them and they think of you as important to her. You go to funerals to show the living their loved one was cared about rather than for the person who has passed. Unless there was a reason I couldn't, I would be inclined to go. If you have Covid fears I'd tell the family that and that you are isolating and don't feel comfortable attending. Maybe send a card? It could be there is someone else they could invite. It's up to you.

You could tell them you have received a contact & trace text to say you may have been in contact with someone ( you'd obviously have to stay in if they can see your comings & goings )
Or your feeling a bit under the weather and want to stay away from people ( just in case )

With so few people allowed at funerals, the family must really want you there. I think you should go to show your support.

I'm glad you aren't my neighbour.

The deceased's family obviously thought you were closer. There maybe many others who would like to go in her memory so you should politely inform the family you will not be going.

I would hate to think someone who had been invited to my funeral by my family asked this question on a forum. If it was my funeral on that basis I would not want you to go.

I'd turn in my grave!

I would only attend a funeral of a member of my family. My friend was unable to attend a funeral a week ago because she lives in Wales and was not able to travel to England. She watched over a link provided. She is now glad that she did not go as two of the people attending have since proved positive with Covid 19 and now all those attending have to self isolate. Chances are this will not happen at your neighbours funeral but if in doubt do not go.

You don't say why you don't want to go. If you are genuinely convinced there is a serious risk of you catching Covid-19, then say so and give that as your reason. But I can't see any other reason not to go. If the family have offered you one of the very few places they are allowed, they must really want you there. Sometimes it is important to put others first, just because it is the kind thing to do.

Thanks for your comments. I have sent a card and had planned to stand at the gate. I have now offered to pick up my 93 yr old friend from hospital today so am on standby for her call. I just hope she hasn't contracted covid while in there. This is a risk I am willing to take as she has no family available and had to come home in a taxi in the middle of the night last time.

Just make a polite excuse, like you have a dental appointment and give them the opportunity to invite somebody else.

Cross posts there Mohum you now have a genuine reason for not attending.

I'd only go to a funeral if I liked the person. Otherwise I don't think I'd want to.

One of our local shopkeepers died recently, not from Covid, but a sudden heart attack. The family made a point of having the funeral cars driven past the shop, and many people lined the street, as a mark of respect. They didn’t have to, but chose to, for the family’s sake.
I would have attended the funeral, in your place. Obviously you now have a good reason not to attend.

So glad you're not going.

They have gone past now. Other neighbours were out too. We couldn't have even shared cars. It was very moving and sad.

A 99 year old neighbour died recently (she would have been 100 this month) and the funeral car drove slowly across our road with many people out on the doorstep.

Hellsbelles

You could tell them you have received a contact & trace text to say you may have been in contact with someone ( you'd obviously have to stay in if they can see your comings & goings )
Or your feeling a bit under the weather and want to stay away from people ( just in case )

Oh no, don’t lie!

Perhaps there aren’t many friends or acquaintances to ask.

If you don’t want to go, be honest and say why.

I think one or two are being a bit harsh. The poster has said she doesn’t want to go. She must have good reason, fear of Covid infection perhaps. If getting older has taught me anything it is that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do and it is up to my conscience to judge me and no-one else.
I’m sure your card has sensitively reflected your respect and sympathy. Let them know straight away that you are sorry but can’t attend so that someone else can take your place.
Don’t feel bad, it won’t help anyone.

I would say I'd been feeling a bit under the weather and I think it's best to stay at home for everyone's safety. Send a nice card. I hate funerals, my husband and I have arranged for "pure cremations" with no services. We are not religious and we would rather leave what money we have to our daughter than spend it on a funeral. We intend saying goodbye to each other in our own private quiet ways when the time comes, and our daughter agrees. We have no other relatives and nobody else who'd be interested to go to a funeral anyway.

I would go. If there are only going to be eight people there, all with masks, and socially distanced I can’t see a problem. Going to a funeral is more than saying goodbye to the person who has died, although it is that of course, but it’s about giving support to the bereaved. That’s why I’d go, to support the family. There’ll be no wake, so it’ll be fairly quick, and you’ll be home again in no time.

Oh it’s done now, there we are. Have a nice cup of tea and remember your neighbour fondly. No self recrimination , not necessary.

I agree with moggycuddler, especially as the person was an acquaintance not a family member of yours. I’m of the same opinion of my late mother I’m afraid that I don’t go to anymore funerals than is absolutely necessary, we have to go to enough of these awful things during our lifetime with our own families. There are many people that love a funeral and ‘go to the opening of an envelope’ and I know a few of those! If you weren’t particularly close to that person then to me it’s hypocritical to attend and you can end up feeling like you’re there just to make up the numbers for the family. Don’t feel bad about going, I’m sure you’ve sent a nice card to let the close family know you send your condolences and leave it at that. I wholeheartedly agree with the Simple Cremations too, this is what my husband and myself are doing, I certainly don’t want our only son to be at a service for us, paying out a fortune and feeling he’s got to provide a wake for people that he really doesn’t know that well after. I would prefer he does what we did when my mother passed which was go to a restaurant (just immediate family) have a nice meal and toast my mother with 1 drink and go home, she would of approved and more to the point I would approve when I go.

Go if you want to and its safe to do so. If you don't feel comfortable don't feel you have to go and don't feel guilty. Funerals are difficult at the best of times, but not necessary that you attend if you can't.

I find it strange that you have been 'invited' to a funeral. I've never heard of that. In our village we've had several prominent residents die over the past few months - none of them from coronavirus - and the locals have turned out in the main street to pay their respects while the hearse passes by. Quite moving, and possibly more meaningful than a socially-distanced crematorium.