Lockdown Children.

Nanny27

Not all of today's young parents are as lucky as your DC to have a granny nearby who is able to help.
And not everyone has a garden to go into either.

I don't think we're talking about the parents and grandparents who coped well, but about those who may be single parents who were really struggling, perhaps the main concern being obtaining enough food to give to their children.

All sounds very odd to me.
Forgetting to use a knife and fork? How do they eat in these households?

Exactly Grannybags.
I really believe some parents are just bone idol and believe teachers should teach their children table manners/toilet behavior.
As if their job isn`t hard enough.
I worked for Ten years in an infant school as a vounteer and was amazed that 5/6 year olds couldn`t use a knife and fork/use the bathroom or tie shoe lases.

Oooops,IDLE,sorry.

We seem to have a lot of judgmental grans on here who are obviously totally unaware of what disfunctional lives some mothers have through no fault of their own

Regression in children is their way of coping with stress rather than not being taught Did none of you ever have a child who was like this when a baby came into the house or a grandparent died?

Unfortunately, this has been going on long before lockdown. When my DD started school, many years ago, I asked a friend who taught reception children, what she should be able to do by the time she started school, thinking be able to write her name, know colours, counting, etc. I was amazed when she said: hold a pencil, read a book from left to right, eat with a knife and fork and be out of nappies.

I'm afraid it must be because some parents don't realise that they really have to be active. I've only just realised how much I did with my little ones as a result of my own Mum being an infant teacher. I thought it was a law of nature that parents always talk to their children - day of the week, time of day, seasons, colours, names for things, numbers of things, about cooking, housework etc etc. I guess they have been able to rely on nurseries etc.

I feel for the kids losing their schooling I really do especially older kids who may well lose confidence and the one thing all kids need touch putting and arm round a friend a hug if you fall over a big old greeting with the happiness of seeing each other again BUT how can they lose skills that should have been learnt at home and continued on a daily basis even if the parents are having to work and haven’t much time Surely they have a meal together. breakfast or at least one main meal in the day Didn’t they teach them that at age 2 or so to hold a knife and fork why would that not have continued in lock down ?
If the children are at home with one or more parent or grandparents can’t they still be supervised to go to the toilet I just don’t get it
I could get anxiety, lack of confidence, hesitance, maybe tears but toilet training and feeding themselves I just don’t get

I'm really fed up of parents who don't act like parents and take responsibility for their children's upbringing. It's pure laziness and they are getting away with it because the 'do gooders' can always come up with an excuse for 'poor' them. Not having much money and being busy is no excuse for not eating as a family and using cutlery etc.

Coming from a 'not very well off' working class family, my parents would have been appalled at some of the behaviours of today because good standards and manners don't cost anything.

I would remind some posters that some parents may well have faced illness, bereavement and domestic violence during lockdown so their families probably will have regressive behaviour and this won’t be their fault

I'm really fed up of older people, who have no concept of what it's like trying to raise a family today, and constantly cross reference it to their own past experiences from 50/60 years ago.

Chewbacca

I'm really fed up of older people, who have no concept of what it's like trying to raise a family today, and constantly cross reference it to their own past experiences from 50/60 years ago.

You and I Both.
Very disheartening

Me three

Chewbacca Fair point! I brought mine up in the 1990’s and early 2000 and even since then things have changed, how much more for those raising families in 1960’s and 70’s or earlier!

Chewbacca and Summerlove, I feel exactly the same reading these posts.

I spent the day looking after youngest dgd (2.4 years) today, but at their house rather than at mine for once.
Both DS and DiL have had to work from home since March, and were on conference calls almost the entire day. If they weren't able to do this, they would quite literally lose their jobs, and then eventually their home, so it's not as if they have a realistic alternative.

They are lucky, because I am able to help out, but not all parents have any help whatsoever, so is it any surprise really that their children regress, when their parents are not in a position to monitor/deal with their toilet needs etc at the drop of a hat?

In our case, lockdown and no nursery has meant that between us we have actually been able to toilet train dgd sooner than would otherwise have been the case, but we are all very aware that things would have been very very different if they didn't have grandparental back-up!

Well said Chewbacca ??

Me five!

Precisely jenpax. I was raised, in abject poverty, in the 1950s. I raised my own family in the 1980s. None of those experiences have any relevance to how families are trying to raise their families in 2020. But there will always be the old stalwarts who declare "Well, in my day we did.....and we managed to......Today's generation have it easy...." It's a nonsense that only illustrates how out of touch they really are.

The report was written by OFSTED and was highlighting the fact that children, particularly young children, have regressed as a result of lockdown. GrauntyHelen is correct in saying that young children often regress as a response to stress and anxiety. It’s obvious that when children’s normal routines were abruptly discontinued and everyone was stressed, parents suddenly working from home, or children suddenly finding themselves in key worker care, like my little grandson who was at the time two years old, who was abruptly placed into key worker care and he was deprived of my husband and I who usually cared for him. How can children not suffer anxiety? How can they not pick up on the general anxiety around them? All normal family visits and family life abruptly halted! How can it not affect them? Toilet training and cutlery are not important in these times. Love, reassurance, stability (as much as was possible under the circumstances) these are what is important. Parents were generally doing their best under difficult circumstances. My daughter, who was working as a key worker, was stressed about the little one not being potty trained. I told her not to worry, there’s plenty of time, concentrate on what’s important, love, cuddles, routines as near possible as normal. The same with her six year olds. She stressed that she hadn’t time to do home schooling and not much teaching was happening in key worker care. As an ex teacher I told not to worry, when you’re at home take them out, keep them active, don’t worry about school work, and give them lots of love and reassurance. Make sure they’re happy.
Let’s not have a culture of blame. The children regressed because they were anxious. That’s why.

Musicgirl, you weren't the poster I referred to.

This thread continues to be one of the most unpleasant, judgemental and ill informed discussions I ever read on gransnet.
Chewbacca, Callistemon, Galaxy, petra and Maddyone, thanks so much for being well informed as well as providing balanced views. Thanks to posters whose names I missed who made positive contributions, rather than attacking "the parents of today"

Let's not have a culture of blame. The children regressed because they were anxious. Thanks Maddyone.

This Be The Verse. BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

What a lovely post maddyone.

Many parents because of lockdown were working from home, meaning some children may have been left to own devices infront of tv or computer games.
No help from extended family allowed.
What else could they do?
No time to reinforce behaviour.
(There were lots of parents posting on Mumsnet, mostly saying the were racked with guilt, but had to work from home without any help)

Toast breakfast
Sandwich for lunch
Fast food for tea.
No cutlery required.

It's very strange for us at the moment and we understand what is happening and why we have to live as we do right now.
Although parents can try to explain to a very young child why they can't hug grandparents, see their friends, go out to play or go to the park, it is going to cause them anxiety.
Trying to explain too much could make them even more anxious.