Absence of a thank you for gifts

"Indeed I went on to become a Psychologist." Tillybelle we have more in common than you realise. I too was a psychologist - Educational Psychologist , many moons ago!

I give my friends two daughters gifts for birthdays and Christmas and never get a thanks. On her birthday one was too busy on her mobile to even acknowledge the gift bag, never mind to say thank you. I was so peeved. I know they don't bother writing thank you letters anymore, but I'd even be happy with a text. Their phones are glued to their hands the majority of the time anyway and it would only take a minute.

Times are a changing .... I don' t expect thank you cards but a email / whatsapp video/ text message/ online photo is enough.If people don' t even say thank you it would be their last ever gift ....

Why cant the fathers and grooms write the thank you notes?

philly - you've spent roughly £25 on each of these people and for you that's a lot, but it was your choice to do this and presumably you received pleasure from doing it. The other side of this situation, is that three brand new mums (forget the bride) receive a gift which they probably smiled at when it arrived, but thereafter found themselves with little time to go to the loo or get sleep, and actually if they were given the choice of receiving a gift and having to worry about buying a thank you card, or calling their mothers/fathers to get your phone number so they could text, they might choose to be without the gift. I think it's OK for you to be disappointed but you say you're beyond furious - really?? because you don't get a formal thank you from a new mum for a £25 present that she didn't ask for ...?? Unlike most people on this thread, I do think you are being unreasonable. You can't obligate someone you choose to make a gift to. Nice to receive a thank you, yes but to expect it and become furious when one doesn't arrive ??

grandtanteJE65 is spot on

Measuring people's behavior by your own standards is a losing battle.

Some posters mentioned here how they were forced to write thank you notes on Boxing day but those same posters, as mothers, didnt do with their kids - you yourselves changed the culture of thank you notes and I bet it annoyed other people.

OP said she has known the people she gave presents since birth
It doesnt mean they know you or you have a close relationship - you may or may not, you could just be a friend of their mothers' they know by name.

Even if you are close, you may not follow the same thank you customs.

Not being thanked "properly" so you do not give presents anymore - it is childish and vengeful

l dont have to get thank you notes, but a thank you text doesn't hurt anyone. No one's that busy they can't send a text!

All I need when I send gifts, which are occasionally hand made, is to know that they arrived - ie have not gone astray in transit. I am, of course, delighted if I receive thank you notes and do cherish them. However there are lots of things I meant to do but failed when my children were young and/or I was working in a demanding job... I could not do what young parents are expected to do these days where both parents' working is a necessity. I can only guess how stressed they must be raising young children during a global pandemic with all the associated worries about what the future may hold for them.

Yes I agree. It is only good manners to thank someone for a present. I never get a thank you from my DIL.

I have to say, I give gifts because I want to. I kin as a hobby, and have spent many happy hours knitting 2 ply patterned shawls for new babies. If someone says thanks that's fine if they dont that's fine too. Because I've got plenty time , I understand that people are busy and don't always manage yo say thanks.. No sweat and no stress.

It really doesn't take a lot of time to say thank you but it does seem to be a dying art nowadays. I've sent vouchers every Christmas to DH's 5 nieces and nephews ( a couple who are now 10/11 yrs old), never recv'd a thank you or even a Christmas card from their parents, don't even know if they've been delivered. Difficult to stop doing it now though after all these years.

I sent my niece £300 last year.
No thank you in any form.
It is the last gift she will ever receive from me.
She is 17.

I think it’s rude. How hard is writing one thank you note a day in a year? What I do when this happens is I ask the friend if their child got my gift as I was worried it may have gotten lost in the mail. There is no reason for your friend to not know and teach her child the right thing to do. It has worked everytime for me.

I agree that it is rude not to send a thank you for gifts , even if it is a long time later following a birth , which can be very difficult times.

However , I suspect in many cases the lovingly created homemade baby gifts are not to the taste of the new parents and go straight to the charity shop ....
Before embarking on a project I would personally ask if it was wanted and tailor my efforts accordingly.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say .

A note it a text saying did you receive my gift? Most young people don't even think to say thank you.its then being ungrateful.I wouldn't do it again

Can I say that I didn’t expect a long letter of thanks or even a thank you card, a simple text message or email to let me know it had got there would have sufficed.

I spent hours crocheting a cot blanket for my cousin’s daughter when she had her first baby, my cousin’s first grandchild. She was the first of our family (of similar ages) to become a granny so that’s why I thought it would be nice to send something. I posted the blanket to my cousin as I didn’t have the daughter’s address, and I never heard a peep off either of them. After a few weeks I eventually emailed to ask if it had arrived ok, and then got a brief ‘thanks’ and a photo of the mother with the blanket behind on the back of a chair. I didn’t send anything else as I thought they were most ungrateful and rude. It wasn’t cheap either, the wool cost me a packet and the postage was expensive too! Well you live and learn, don’t you.

If parents don't teach children to say thank you, they will grow into adults who don't bother. Some people are takers and teaching their children to be the same. I still send the gifts in the hope that I am giving freely but it sill feels wrong.

I bought a lovely little pair of pyjamas which were blue gingham with a small giraffe in the pocket, wrapped it in beautiful paper with a card and sent it by post, thinking (wrongly it would seem) that my nephew & his wife would love it as much as I did as it was for their 18 month old son, I didn't hear one word, if they'd got the pressie or if they liked it. I did ask my brother whose son it is after about six months if they'd received the present and he replied that they had but I shouldn't expect thankyous, its the pleasure of giving. Never again!

I must admit that I do like a little thank-you, even if it's electronic. We can't expect hand written notes these days, unfortunately. You're not being unreasonable; they are being thoughtless.
I have a family member, living abroad, who never acknowledges in any way that she receives/likes my gifts, or even that I exist. But I can't stop sending, due to family harmony.

lemsip
You're a far better person than I! Or are you? I think that the secret of life is gratitude. That is a whole other subject but here we are talking of a younger generation who have not learned the simple human rule, a norm in all societies, that one shows one's gratitude for a gift. This is taught from the earliest age - indeed we even teach our dogs to say thank you!
I believe that a person who cannot say thank you does not appreciate the kindness of human nature or thinks they are entitled above others to have more than they have. This is something which, left to grow among a generation, will unbalance society and people will not live harmoniously any more.
I heard from a friend 'in the know' how at her school prize giving, when Margaret Thatcher was given a prize by the visiting Speaker, she was the only pupil not to say thank you. On being asked why she was so rude, she said she did not have to say thank you because she had deserved the prize, it was hers anyway! I still cannot understand this kind of mentality. It is an attitude of entitlement which is one of the greatest features of narcissism. Of course you thank a person who gives you something!! Whatever it is, they are politely handing something over to you! This was an important Visitor to her school giving up her time to honour the pupils by coming to their Prize Giving. How dare Thatcher let her school down so dreadfully! Ghastly woman!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Our generation does feel hurt at not receiving thank-you letters, Christmas and birthday cards etc.

If we brought up our children to write thank-you letters, we have good reason to be hurt, if not, we can blame ourselves for their lack of manners.

Assuming that we all did teach good manners to our children, try not to feel hurt. You are only distressing yourself.

Our children's generation feel thank-you letters are a thing of the past. We can't change that, however little we may like it.

Inconsiderate? We think so, but they don't.

In the 1970's we stopped wearing hats and gloves on formal occasions, I quarrelled with my mother because I didn't want to wear stockings at dinner in particularly hot weather, and annoyed her by politely contradicting elderly ladies if I didn't agree with their opinions.

My mother had been brought up to never contradict someone older than herself and had tried to pass this on to me. I found it hypocritical to say, "How right you are." to someone I thought was wrong.

Times change and manners change with them.

If I didn’t receive a simple thank you it would be the last gift they would receive from me.
Manners cost nothing I was always taught

Vickysponge
Agree
A' thank you' in what ever shape or form seems sadly lacking in todays world.

I would be annoyed as well. Of course we take pleasure in giving gifts to friends and family without wanting anything in return. However simple good manners dictate a thank you from the recipient. A text, e-mail message etc are all quick and easy to do.
My grandchildren are grown up now but I would certainly prompt them if I didn't get a response for a gift.