Absence of a thank you for gifts

Why not just drop a note saying ‘did you receive my gift?’ It might prompt a response, and if not, don’t buy any more gifts for them.

It puts you in the awkward position of having to ask whether they received it, which is embarrassing for both giver and receiver!

I totally agree with many answers, it’s just rude to not text, write or telephone to say thank you. I really do think it’s a generation thing too. I bought a beautiful gift for someone’s new baby a couple of years ago and put it in the post as they do not live close to me. The husband of the person I posted it to on behalf of their son’s new baby did not even acknowledge receipt to his wife & shoved it in a spare bedroom. When gift was presumable handed to new parents I had no acknowledgement from anyone whatsoever in the family. Nothing was mentioned, not a word of thanks. They possibly stuck my gifts on eBay. It is very annoying but sometimes you feel it is all taken for granted.

I also think very bad manners, geekesse when my step-daughter had her baby, friends and pen-pals I had sent gifts so I personally don't think odd to send a gift to someone you don't know. You have connection through someone you do know and everyone loves a new baby. But I felt embarrassed my friends had gone to so much trouble with their gifts as hand knitted and SD didn't thank them. To be honest in the end I did a typed thank you note to them making out it was from SD.

MawBe oh yes I remember my mother sitting myself and sisters down after Christmas writing our thank you letters, we did them in rough first and mum checked the spelling and grammar! Those were the days!

Yes we always had to write thank you letters on Boxing Day.
Always made our children write thank you letters/cards not in Boxing Day mind you. Now grown up and married don’t always remember but not my worry they are adults.

It is bad manners, but some people are just not bought up to say thank-you, or maybe they just forget to ! My sons used to bribe their sister to write all their thank-you cards out for them ! If I don’t get a simple acknowledgement to a gift I will text “ hope you liked the .... “
or “did you receive the ..... “. I know you shouldn’t have to do this but I just hope it sinks in just a bit that if people care enough to give a gift, the very least you can do is say thank you.

I wouldn't buy gifts for the adult children of friends! They have relatives so may receive enough gifts.
sometimes people can feel obliged to buy gifts to please the friends!...

A text or a phone conversation is perfectly fine. It’s the acknowledgment that it’s been received that counts.

Agree - no thanks really irritates me. Even a text is better than nothing

You send polite follow up email or letter saying as you hadn’t heard from them did it ever arrive. They will be so embarrassed and respond immediately. Or maybe it didn’t arrive.
But I agree thank you or acknowledgments are good manners.
No thank you means no future gifts.

Son of friend who lives in US had baby a couple of years ago. I sent card and present. No word of thanks. New baby just born who will not be getting anything as a result of such rudeness.

In your shoes, I would ask each of my friends (with an innocent air) if their children received the gift safely? That serves two purposes: (a) it alert your friends that you've not heard back; and (b) hopefully, your friends will tell their children off for not contacting you. If that doesn't work, then maybe don't bother in the future? (This used to happen with the children of a friend of mine - I stopped giving them presents/money, and I doubt they even noticed!)

The younger generation don’t write thank you cards/letters any more. However, as they are always texting on their phones, it takes no time at all to send a thank you text.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.

I would be annoyed not to hear anything. Just a brief email or text would be OK. I was made to write thankyou notes too as a child and it was not my favourite task,. However I just think it is so rude not to acknowledge in any way.

I just wonder if these days people would care if they didn't get any presents. Maybe they have so much that they are not bothered either way.

You are not being unreasonable. Personally I would make contact in some way to ask if the gift was received/suitable. There is absolutely no excuse for not thanking someone for a gift. It is basic courtesy. I wouldn't bother in future if I was you. Your time/effort and the cost clearly doesn't mean much to any of them.

I think it's a bit unreasonable to be furious about it. I understand the disappointment. Young people communicate mostly online now and new babies... Oh dear, I was lucky to have time for a shower let alone a personal note. Give gifts for the people whose day you want to brighten, not in expectation of a thank you. Gifts should be about the receiver not the giver

You are not at all unreasonable. I expect a thank you if I have taken the trouble to send a gift. I have one set of grandchildren who write thank you cards for every gift we (DH and I) send, even if the children have said thank you on the internet.
Another grandchild gets presents and we never hear a word.
It was always drummed into us as children that the right thing to do was to send a thank you card or letter. I accept that these days, an email is enough, but there should be some kind of acknowledgement. It seems that good manners are rare these days.

I don't expect thank you letters these days. I'm happy with a text or mention on FB, and even that is more so that I know that whatever it was has survived the post. It can be worrying to send a hand-made gift (and in my experience a baby blanket will take a lot more than 12 hours to knit!) and not know if it arrived or not.

Sometimes, as others have said, the expectation of thank you letters sucks the joy out of receiving presents - particularly at times when people get a lot at once, such as weddings and when they have a baby. They are a throwback to the days when life was slower, women didn't work and had more time for things like that.

I used to get my children to ring and thank people personally, which was usually appreciated more than a letter.

To digress slightly - one thing that does annoy me is when I am asked whether my (adult) children have received a gift/card from my mother. I have no idea, as they live miles away . Also, my mum has their numbers, and can text/call them as easily as I can, and I am no longer responsible for teaching them manners.

I agree that they should thank my mum if she sends them things, but they both work in normal times, and as often as not they have to go to the sorting office to collect an item that she found in the charity shop where she works (or used to before lockdown) and they didn't really want . I have told her that they don't really want ornaments or other 'clutter', but it goes in one ear and out the other.

It's bad manners.

I always send money - admittedly a small amount - to our niece's children and usually some small Christmas presents. There was a half-hearted attempt at thanks at first then nothing. I shan't stop, but I'm not pleased.

I'd be quite happy with a texted acknowledgement.

I agree also.If I do not get a Thank You after the 3rd present, they get no more. My list is getting smaller every year

philly

I have just got to get this off my chest !! In the last year I have sent 3 'new baby' gifts and one wedding present to the daughters of close friends. This exercise has cost me over £100. As of this moment I have not received a word of thanks either verbal or written. To say I am furious is an understatement. Is it unreasonable to expect to be thanked ?

My friends would be mortified if they knew.

Another mutual friend sent an exquisite pram blanket she had spent 12 hours knitting to one of these new Mums. She also is very very angry and hurt that she also has not been thanked.

Am I being unreasonable to expect a bit of common courtesy ?

Completely agree. Some people have no manners. Totally unacceptable.

I dont think that you are being unreasonable. However I guess that it really is a lack of gratitude as people have so much nowadays. I do think it's bad manners but I have to say not an infrequent thing to happen. Personally I find it a bit deflating when you have gone to a lot of trouble to locate just the right gift and then never hear anything. Then I wonder if I have missed the mark......

I have known these girls since they were born !

I recall as a child being forced to write thank you letters within 3 days of the gift being given, and I hated it! My own mother insisted on the them from my own children, and I do not expect them from my grandchildren. I am happy for a text or quick mention in a call, this is sufficient with their very busy lives

You have every right to be disappointed; it is common courtesy to send an acknowledgement and thanks for a present. Nothing to stop the father of the child sending a brief note.

I found exactly the same thing; presents sent to daughters of friends completely ignored; not even a verbal thank you, as in 'she was so pleased; it was kind of you', almost the feeling that I was trying to intrude in a family occasion.

Presents to former colleagues and daughter's friends entirely different: gifts acknowledged by a computer generated printed card showing a picture of the new baby and exciting details of name, weight, appearance etc, with a few handwritten words scribbled at the bottom. Delightful.