Family emigrating

NannyKat I feel for you ...they are butterflies and we let them go.
I have a bunch of DD two of which left 7 and 4 years ago to live in NZ they are now Citizens. I have 2 GC there in NZ (2y and 4 months) I saw my GD when she was 2 months old and have not yet met my little GS .... I feel bereft, I miss them all so very much BUT they are happy and safe and that's all we can want for our DC.
I hope when I am allowed I can dash there and hug hug hug them.
I'm sitting here writing to you with huge emotional tears rolling . I FT twice a week 2y/o GD knows me well and we have great fun together,not the same I know but oh how I love to see them each week.
I suppose all I can say is to try to see the UP side , your future visits will be exciting and longed for and when you get there stay as long as you can . (if time ,commitments and coffers allow). The last time I went (2018) after DG was born I stayed for 3 months , it was January so nice weather a bonus missing the UK dark months . I have GC 3 hrs from me in UK so only see them every other month and even less now in the covid climate. I would stay in NZ longer if I could !
Sending positive vibes to you NannyKat

Sending hugs to you.

I have three friends with children and grandchildren in Australia. They all seem to keep the relationships going with several 'phone calls a week and many Zoom sessions. It is, of course, particularly difficult at the moment as no visits can be planned. However, from what I can see, those relationships have endured.

I do wonder if a programme I saw on television (when ill) has anything to do with people moving far far away: the idea is that a family is taken (presumably all expenses paid) to Australia where they are shown affordable housing, advised on career opportunities and a wonderful lifestyle is demonstrated. Grandma/pa are then rolled out, giving a short interview in which they say 'well, we wish you were not going but we want the best for you, so please don't consider us' etc.

I sat there yelling at the television - the production company made a virtue of splitting happy families and I thought it was a really low programme. I am probably in a minority but I thought the programme extremely distasteful.

Incidentally, I understand that many Brits do not stay in Australia but return home with five years, so don't give up - your family may be one of them...

Do what others have suggested, smile (through gritted teeth) and wish them well although your heart may be breaking.

I am upset for you, now! Sending further hugs!

Sending you lots of strength to face this - I can understand that it feels like a blow at the moment. Lots of zooms and a great excuse to travel, either alone or as a twosome.

It is hard just now, but I am sure there will come a time when you will feel happier about this. Your son will no doubt have given thought to his former bad experience and is older and wiser now with a family of his own.

Nannykat, I do feel a lot of empathy for you. My emotions would be all over the place if my DD, SIL
& GC were to emigrate. I know I would try not to show it, but I’m not a very good actress! Whilst wishing them well, I would miss them terribly, but at the same time realise that I have to accept it (as I’m sure you will do). There’s nothing wrong in you having those strong feelings, you’re a mother and grandmother after all, but I know you wish them well and will trust that they will have a wonderful lifestyle in Oz. Your DS obviously has a strong desire to want to live there again, and is putting his previous bad experience to one side. My DD almost emigrated about 11 years ago after she fell in love with an Australian whilst travelling over there, but that relationship fell apart before she made any firm plans and she stayed here, met someone else, married and had my beautiful GC. I therefore understand just a little of what you’re going through. Very best wishes to you all. Plan a visit as soon as is practical and work on your DH to go along too! Sending love.

Be brave, you know the right thing to do is to support his decision and wish him well. It is his turn now to live life as he chooses. On the bright side (!) I found that when my son lived in China, Thailand, and various other countries we had the best rapport we have had for years. Sending photos, texts and having video calls keeps you close these days and you will always be there for him. Obviously not seeing your GC will be a blow but I watched a video the other day of a Grandma reading a bedtime story -_every night_ to her grandson and he lived in New Zealand! These days the whole planet is our children's 'global village', so if you can, embrace their new adventure and join in with their excitement. He needs your backing believe me

Callistemon

^PS Avoid the stupid people who will say to you ‘ never mind, it’s a lovely place to go for a holiday ‘. I want to scream at them!^
But it is! although not at the moment.

I hope, Nannykat that you may come to regard Australia as your second home and that your husband will change his mind and go with you for extended stays.

?? The trouble is you can’t go anywhere else can you? Much easier to pop to Sussex for a few days.
By the time you’ve paid for the flight and stopped off on the way, plus spending a bit of time away to give son in law some space it costs quite a lot.
We don’t stop so much now and we are so lucky, we can stay in a holiday home, to give them a break, just down the coast from Sydney so that’s free for us.
Maybe those of us who have family in Sydney should club together and buy a flat.
No, that wouldn’t work .... we’d all want it at the same time!
You can’t really have a dog either. Who would look after it for a couple of months? That’s what my husband keeps saying anyway.?

One of our son's plans to move to Oz when he retires at 55 We are getting to the age that a flight to Australia will be too much, so not sure we will ever see him again. His wife is from there, so it's been on the cards for a long time, just hope it doesn't happen.

My DD left for Australia 17 years ago whilst pregnant with my 1st GC. They're like butterflies, you have to let them go. I have 3 GC there now and visit every other year. I was alone when she left as I am now. It was the best thing for her. I have always supported her decision. I'm hoping to emigrate in 3 years to Tasmania where they now live, not for them but for a better life for me. I will be leaving a DS and 2 GC behind but I have to do what's best for me.
Wish them well and shed a tear when they have gone, which I have done many times.
Go as much as you can, alone if you have to. I always go alone.
My DD and I are closer now than then.

Hi NannyKat

I am coming at this from the other side so to speak, we left Scotland more than 20 years ago with our two young boys when they were 5 & 7. My parents were devastated, but it was the best decision for us as a family at the time. I had a very difficult relationship with my parents involving depression and prescription drugs (her) and alcohol (him) It was a toxic situation for me, as I was expected to look after them as well as my own family. My father is now dead, and I think my relationship with my mother is now the best it could be. I know your situation is different, I'm just saying that maybe it will be good for your son and his family? We are now settled in Surrey and my boys have grown up and turned into lovely young men. Having said all of that I have just become a Grandmother and I know that I too would miss them terribly if they left! FaceTime etc is not perfect but it's better than airmail letters and I would definitely be planning my first visit over so you have something to look forward to and soften the blow. Sending you virtual hugs x

NannyKat, much depends on whether or not you can afford to emigrate to Austraia too, and live where they live.And be prepared to move house again.

I could not do so as am too old at nearly 90, and could not afford to anyway.

When dear ones are far away, can still write and Zoom and stuff. Your loved ones will still be yours however far away they are.

can’t you persuade them to stay? Do they realise the enormity of their decision? I think when you’re young you just don’t always understand the implications of huge decisions. I really feel for you.

That could end up with a worse situation with the young family resenting the parents.
I'm shocked that anyone would want to prevent their DC trying to forge a better life for themselves.

I would be devastated too and at the risk of being shot down by some of the others I am going to say.....can’t you persuade them to stay? Do they realise the enormity of their decision? I think when you’re young you just don’t always understand the implications of huge decisions. I really feel for you.

My heart goes out to you.I have a slightly similar situation, my Daughter and her family are supposed to be moving to China! for three years,it has been postponed so many times they still dont know when they are going or if at all. I am secretly hoping they will not go.I am eighty next year and dont think I would fancy travelling to China,but I hope they will come home regularly,I will miss them all.Good Luck with your dilemma,sending hugs

PS Avoid the stupid people who will say to you ‘ never mind, it’s a lovely place to go for a holiday ‘. I want to scream at them!
But it is! although not at the moment.

I hope, Nannykat that you may come to regard Australia as your second home and that your husband will change his mind and go with you for extended stays.

So sorry for you. My solution might sound 'new age hippy dippy' but when you are really low surely anything is worth trying. Write yourself a note, maybe 'My family are so lucky to have this great opportunity, my grandchildren will be living such a healthy lifestyle, which will be so good for them. I can't wait to visit them all'. This may be the opposite of how you feel, but read it as often as you can, especially when you are really low, maybe at night. You've got to convince yourself using as positive approach as possible. Good luck

Oh NannyKat I absolutely understand your hurt. My son and family live a bit nearer, USA but it’s still too far to pop around. For what it’s worth from our experience, we FaceTime regularly, we text frequently and in normal times we visit every year. I keep him and my grandchildren in a special place in my head in order to stay sane. Right now as I write this, I miss them all dreadfully but most of the time I can cope, knowing they are all happy with the life they have chosen. Best wishes to you.? PS Avoid the stupid people who will say to you ‘ never mind, it’s a lovely place to go for a holiday ‘. I want to scream at them!

So many lovely supporting messages. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. It makes it just that little bit easier.
I am saying goodbye with a smile on my face but with a massive hole in my heart. I do wish them well and would never be selfish to stand in their way. But like you all know, it causes a pain that is not easy to be rid of.
So glad I shared all this and for all you lovely kind people who have commented.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh, Kat, how very sad for you. I can empathise with the difficulties your son went through. It becomes part of everyday life aching to make things better. When the AC decides to go, the only thing is to be cheerful about it even if you are crying rivers inside. That way there is as little guilt for them as possible.

NannyKat give yourself a pat on the back, you have raised a confident and independent son. You definitely are going to miss your grandchildren, no doubt about that, but they are not your children. You have waited a long time for them, I should imagine your son and DIL have too and they just want a better lifestyle.
There are many options and lots of realistic suggestions in above comments. Sending you big hugs.xx

Any chance you could go too?

I would be like you so my heart goes out to you..

its very difficult when a family member emigrates ,wherever they go, they are not down the road.My son and family moved to ireland 3 years ago, I went through a grieving process, arriving at visiting them several times a year.Initially i wanted to follow them, but im glad i didn't as my thinking was not at all straight! It is like an ache that never goes away. Ive decided to move near them in the new year, but that leaves me leaving a son and friends here! There is a pain involved when people go away, You have the added knowledge that he tried it before and he came back, this must add to your worries.A lot of people will talk of cutting apron strings, we don't own our children etc etc but the fact is if you have love for someone .then losing them hurts.Yes we have skype etc but it aint the same.
my heart goes out to you.

I know the feeling well. The advantage I had was that there were no GC to fret over at the time because D and SiL emigrated a year after they married, but I still missed them dreadfully and took a trip to Sydney 2 years after they married just to settle my mind that everything was alright. I was in a dreadful state at times I can tell you. They live in the suburbs of Sydney near a beach or two. Fabulous life.

As soon as GC came along a couple of years later, I was a regular visitor making sure that the children would know me and I used to get a 3 month visa each time.
Get as many trips in as you physically/ financially can. I enjoyed every minute so make the most of it as I couldn't do it now, healthwise.

I am in the U.K. and my two adult daughters (36 and 34) are in Australia. The youngest is 6 days overdue with my first grandchild. I miss them terribly and wish I could be with them. I was never sure if I was actually going to be a grandparent and now I am, I feel sad that I will be a long distance one.
The eldest will come back to the U.K. sometime next year but the youngest intends to stay for good as she absolutely loves Australia and wants to bring up her child there.
I think it must be even harder if you have got used to your grandchildren being closer and then deciding to emigrate.