Family emigrating

Sending you lots of strength to face this - I can understand that it feels like a blow at the moment. Lots of zooms and a great excuse to travel, either alone or as a twosome.

It is hard just now, but I am sure there will come a time when you will feel happier about this. Your son will no doubt have given thought to his former bad experience and is older and wiser now with a family of his own.

Sending hugs to you.

I have three friends with children and grandchildren in Australia. They all seem to keep the relationships going with several 'phone calls a week and many Zoom sessions. It is, of course, particularly difficult at the moment as no visits can be planned. However, from what I can see, those relationships have endured.

I do wonder if a programme I saw on television (when ill) has anything to do with people moving far far away: the idea is that a family is taken (presumably all expenses paid) to Australia where they are shown affordable housing, advised on career opportunities and a wonderful lifestyle is demonstrated. Grandma/pa are then rolled out, giving a short interview in which they say 'well, we wish you were not going but we want the best for you, so please don't consider us' etc.

I sat there yelling at the television - the production company made a virtue of splitting happy families and I thought it was a really low programme. I am probably in a minority but I thought the programme extremely distasteful.

Incidentally, I understand that many Brits do not stay in Australia but return home with five years, so don't give up - your family may be one of them...

Do what others have suggested, smile (through gritted teeth) and wish them well although your heart may be breaking.

I am upset for you, now! Sending further hugs!

NannyKat I feel for you ...they are butterflies and we let them go.
I have a bunch of DD two of which left 7 and 4 years ago to live in NZ they are now Citizens. I have 2 GC there in NZ (2y and 4 months) I saw my GD when she was 2 months old and have not yet met my little GS .... I feel bereft, I miss them all so very much BUT they are happy and safe and that's all we can want for our DC.
I hope when I am allowed I can dash there and hug hug hug them.
I'm sitting here writing to you with huge emotional tears rolling . I FT twice a week 2y/o GD knows me well and we have great fun together,not the same I know but oh how I love to see them each week.
I suppose all I can say is to try to see the UP side , your future visits will be exciting and longed for and when you get there stay as long as you can . (if time ,commitments and coffers allow). The last time I went (2018) after DG was born I stayed for 3 months , it was January so nice weather a bonus missing the UK dark months . I have GC 3 hrs from me in UK so only see them every other month and even less now in the covid climate. I would stay in NZ longer if I could !
Sending positive vibes to you NannyKat

You can’t really have a dog either. Who would look after it for a couple of months?
That is a downside, I miss having a dog. However, we do have one we can borrow and there are the Australian dogs when we go out.

I once read on GN "You have to give them roots and wings" and I thought that was very wise, NannyKat.

Once they settle and this pandemic is over, you can start planning your first trip
?

I can sympathise with you on this for sure. My youngest dd partner and only gd emigrated to oz back in 1998 they set up home out there and loved it. My dd had my 2nd gd out there after being there for 2 years I went to visit when baby was 3 months old to help out, however my dd was struggling with pnd and there wasn’t much support to help her through it. When baby was 5 months old they decided to come back to the UK we were overjoyed. Not for long though as 2 years later they decided they hadn’t given it along enough go and off they went again we were heartbroken.
This time they brought a gorgeous house with swimming pool 5 minutes from the beach and started a business from scratch. They all loved it gds were in good school life was great for them. I visited every year for 5 weeks and in between we had weekly face time calls. I’d buy children’s books from book depository as they are world wide and I bought myself the same books and I’d read to them in bed at the weekend whilst they could see pictures of same book. We made it work best we could. Fast forward to 2019 and they sold there business for a very healthy profit and decided to return to the UK and buy there dream home which they moved into last month. So the moral of my story is we have to let them go off and fly and very often they will return. Sending hugs.

I understand. I was devastated to learn that my daughter son in law and two grandchildren were moving to Europe especially as I had been looking after the children 3 days a week. This was 5 years ago. I’ve been lucky to visit probably 4 times a year until this year of course. I know that Australia is much much further away and visits will be further apart perhaps. But keep in touch with them however you can. I know they love me as much as I love them. It takes a bit of getting used to but they have a wonderful life there and the GC have blossomed. All the best x

Step son and family went to Perth about 6 years ago, it was very hard especially for DH but, without doubt, it is the best decision they made - lifestyle for them and for the children. It’s tough but happiness is all we can hope for when we have children and grandchildren

My heart breaks for you can’t imagine the sadness.
But what you have to do is look on it as a new adventure for you——- having been to Australia and travelled around 3 times it is not like you imagine,it is so amazing in many ways.
Start saving for a trip,keep extra fit so you can travel and make it your future project,your a woman and nothing can beat you,best of luck.

It may make you feel better to know that around 50% of people who emigrate to Australia are back again within 5 years, so there's no guarantee that they will stay. But I certainly wouldn't keep quiet about your feelings - you're not stopping them going; you're just being honest. I know that my husband's brother, who emigrated to Australia 30 years ago has missed out on so much from doing so - his children haven't have the close relationships with aunties, uncles and cousins, nor grandparents that the other children in the UK have. Of course, when their parents got older and needed help they didn't have to do any of the caring either! It was my BIL who really drove the move and his wife was less certain, and wanted to come home after a few years, but was emotionally manipulated into staying "for the children". I'm not convinced they've had a better life. I do wonder if your son has "unfinished business" with Australia that he needs to get out of the way and then he may well head back. Is his wife keen or just persuaded to give it a try? What do HER family think?

NannyKat, what a worry this must be! I hope your son flourishes this time.

Being at a distance from your grandchildren is so hard, but there are lots of ways to keep the relationship strong. Have any of you heard of The Long Distance Grandparent website? She shares so many wonderful ideas for staying connected, whatever the distance. It's www.thelongdistancegrandparent.com.

My Son Daughter in-law moved to Queensland Australia 11 years ago.It was one of the worst times of my life . I saw my granddaughter and grandson every day.This left a big hole .
We have been over there many times. It is best thing they could have done ,it’s such an outdoor life style .My grandchildren have so much more in their life than they would have had over here .We speak on FaceTime all the time ,it’s not the same as giving them hugs .But if you are able to visit it will help you see it’s a good life style .It’s still very difficult and miss them terribly but I just think of how they live and it’s so good for them .Take care NannyKat .

My eldest son and his Australian partner, who had been over here to work for a few years, went to live in Canberra nearly 10 years ago with their 2 children who were aged 3 years and just 11 weeks at the time. It was expected that they would do this at some point but you still hope that it won't happen. As my daughter also had a small baby at the time and an older child we luckily still had grand children in the UK. It was difficult to get used to but we have gradually learned to cope. In fact I think it helped us cope more easily with lockdown as we are used to that kind of situation. We have visited 4 times and realise what a wonderful life they have compared to what they had here. We were lucky enough to spend most of this January over there so have in fact seen more of those grandchildren than the UK grandchildren this year.

My first ‘emigrant’ went backpacking in Australia 22 years ago. She was offered sponsorship and a good job, and remained there. Three more of my five children followed her, though one has since divorced, and returned home with her two DC.
Yes, I miss them all a lot, especially now that they have children. They have much better prospects over there, though, and a wonderful life. I normally visit every couple of years, and stay for several months. My visit this year, for the birth of my new GS was put on hold, of course. I get regular FaceTimes with all the various families, and my little GD, who is three, chats with me while she eats her breakfast, or has her bath, and I often read her a bedtime story.
With goodwill on all sides relationships can continue, even though they are not the hands-on ones we would like. I wouldn’t expect my family to plan their lives around me, but we do our best to forge a new kind of family life. It works pretty well, and I’m sure that you will adapt, given time.

Nannykat, I sympathise with you. 2 out of my 3 sons live overseas with their wives and children. I only see them once a year and it is not a holiday!!! It drives me mad when people say oh what lovely places to go on holiday. They can’t always get time off work, the children are at school or doing their activities etc.
I found it really difficult for the first few years and felt bereft. Irrational I know as their lifestyles are fabulous.
I have learned to accept that I have to live with having a different sort of relationship with them and it has become easier as time has passed. One family may come back in 5 or so years but the other will always remain as he is now a citizen and his wife is from that country.
I don’t want to make you sadder, just explaining the reality and that it will become a different relationship. My relationship with my local stepdaughters, and grandchildren is different as I see them every week.
As my eldest overseas grandchildren have got past the toddler stage it is much easier to have proper FaceTime with them.
Keep all of your own activities going, see friends regularly, enjoy the FaceTiming. Best wishes to you.

Queenifsaanich69 - very wise words. To consider regular visiting a project. Having the very specific goal of being fit and financial to visit, is a great idea. Could certainly make you feel less helpless, and that you are actively participating in the future of your family

Oh I feel for you- Europe used to be so close and so easy to back and fro - but OZ is so far. I have no idea howI would cope if any of my children would announce they are moving to the other side of the world. But support them you have to- no choice, however hard it is.

What are their reasons? have they said?

Courage.

@Beauregard I doubt very much whether your family will be coming to NZ next year, are borders are likely to be shut until at least the end of 2021

I am afraid more and more young families will want to go in 2021.

Is Australia allowing in emigrants at the moment?
Due to the coronavirus, no travellers are currently allowed into Australia. Only three exceptions are made. Firstly, for inhabitants of Australia. These are defined as: people that have the Australian nationality or are a permanent resident of Australia. Secondly, for direct family of people with the Australian nationality or with a permanent resident status. And thirdly, for people with the New Zealand nationality living in Australia, and persons that have been in New Zealand for at least 14 days and are travelling from there to Australia on a quarantine-free flight. Travellers that do not fall under any of these categories but have a pressing reason to travel to Australia, can apply for an exception to the travel ban at the Australian Department of Home Affairs.

We could go but would have to quarantine at our own expense for 14 days ($4,000) so we will wait.

biba70

I am afraid more and more young families will want to go in 2021.

They may want to but may not be allowed

why would it cost 4000$ to quarantine- you could just rent a cottage or studio. What we will do at Easter in the UK if we have to quarantine still (we can't stay at our own apartment because of the dog walking).

We will go at Easter, and do whatever is necessary and take as long as it takes.

No, biba you have to stay in a Government-designated hotel, with guards, at your own expense.

We are talking about Australia, no?

Oh I feel for you- Europe used to be so close

Continental drift?