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Old enough and ugly enough to decide......?

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Daftbag1 Mon 07-Dec-20 09:06:35

What I'd like to know, is when we become viewed as capable of decision making?
I'm a 60yr old (in January), who happens to have a long term diagnosis of mental illness. I have capacity (to use the formal lingo), am married, and somehow managed to bring up 3 children.
I think I make reasonably sensible decisions, for example I take my meds every day, made an independent decision to stop driving, have handed all financial matters to my husband and choose to live a quiet lifestyle as I know that I can maintain my mental health in a quiet environment.
So when did 20' something, recently qualified psychologists know better than I what is best for me?
A few weeks ago I was kicked out (metaphorically speaking), of secondary mental health services, as I'm deemed to no longer need the higher intensity o f service (which also means they need space for new patients in crisis). I've been placed in the care of the step down service.
Despite my husband explaining, and it having been written up on the front page of my notes that I don't use the telephone, they insist on phoning. But the latest is a missive from the step down service informing me that I've been allocated a place in a 'zoom' group for people actively needing support to manage their emotions.

I politely responded that though I appreciate their invitation, a) zoom is on the don't do list as I can't hear people and can't lip read as I've got severe cataracts in both eyes so can't lip read, b) I don't like group therapy, and finally c) I don't feel particularly need support to manage my emotions.
'But I must be very isolated', says my 'case worker', (who h as at no point introduced herself), I don't feel particularly isolated, I'm quite happly living with our routine I have explained. But I must b e isolated (nope), & so it goes on.......
My Argument is, if my mental health is such that I no longer need secondary services, and am taking my meds, then why can't they leave me or at least respect my wishes?

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OceanMama Mon 07-Dec-20 10:08:35

That all sounds very messy. I can't believe there hasn't been a better hand over to your new case worker either, or that she hasn't even introduced herself to you properly either. Any step down plan should be made collaboratively with you and not just handed to you.

It sounds like they are keen with having you connected somewhere. General questions that don't need answering here: What services do you think you need and could you access them privately, if not publicly? Are there other ways of meeting the needs you have? If so, maybe you could write out your plan for maintaining your mental health and present it to them to show you have it in hand? I think they just want to be sure that you won't suddenly lose services and be left to your own devices, only to have your mental health deteriorate. Is there someone you see regularly enough that would notice if you weren't doing well and could help you reconnect with the services if things got worse?

While it sounds like the handling has been awkward, it's overall a good thing that they aren't withdrawing too readily without a plan in place. I know you feel you'll be okay but, for some people, it would be a problem.

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NiceasMice Mon 07-Dec-20 10:14:54

You have a diagnosed long term illness for which the medication works for you. You manage this by adjusting your life around this and it suits you and your husband just fine.

Your health care 'treatment' helps you live your life within the restraints of your condition.
This is the gold standard expected of healthcare.
Well done to you and your husband for getting this far.

I am sorry you are having to explain this to people.
Some of these people probably know very little about how it affects you. At the very least, it is rather careless of the health care professionals to ignore this aspect.
Keep an open mind but if you are doing OK then any further intervention may undo what you have already achieved.

Doctors should first do no harm.

You and your husband know more about your condition and how it affects you more than anybody else.
You know what works.

Hold on to that thought.

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EllanVannin Mon 07-Dec-20 12:10:34

They're understandably covering themselves should there be a relapse, which is known with many patients. The MHW's would then be castigated for lack of care from all quarters.

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