Does everyone have a cleaner except me?

Never had a cleaner nor wanted one. Next time your daughter complains that your bathroom and kitchen don't comply with her high standards, hand her the cleaning things.

I've had cleaners in the past. Usually they give up on me in despair.

When is the exact moment when our children become our mothers, telling us what to do?

I've always had one.

Yes, it's me!!

I let my cleaner go when I stopped working, bad decision, but they are like gold dust in this area, so now I'm stuck doing those little jobs I loath.

Well done NanKate! I have a cleaner! I worked full time and looking after parents...a godsend. Kept her on when parents died and appreciate all she does. 2 hours a week, ironing, floors, change beds, vacuum, anything really. Leaves me time to do what I want and look after DH. She doesn't do everything every week but i leave a list, sometimes i feel i ought to do a bit of housework but not often!

I had one about 25 or more years ago. I was working full-time, could afford it, so thought ‘Why not?’ I resented spending all day on the Saturday cleaning. The one I chose used to go into a close neighbour. It was great for the first couple of weeks, but I soon realised that all she seemed to have done was straighten things up rather than do any actual cleaning. I only had her for a few weeks and have never had one since. I couldn’t run to one now anyway!

It could be a case of your daughter being afraid that if standards slipped it was the first sign of losing you to dementia.
I remember when we were visiting my daughter for a few days
we were having a meal and recounting after I had had a nasty cancer scare some years ago how my husband had thought it would be appropriate to have my funeral in the church we got married in. He is quite romantic. I was horrified at his choice and said that 52 years on from that wedding , my life had changed, I knew no one in that area anymore and it in no way represented the person I was now.
My daughter burst into tears and said she couldn't bear to even think about our funerals much less listen to a spirited argument about it. She too had once told me that I needed to 'speak' to my cleaning lady as the bathroom was not up to my normal standard. I think it is a fear of us slipping away from them if things change.

No, never have and never will. We are in the same predicament as you at the moment, recently gutted our house, and have most of the rooms stuffed out with all our worldly goods. But once it’s completed, I will be back to my cleaning regime as I’m sure you will.

Nice one SUEDONIM.

I could do with some help now, but I’m not too good at watching someone cleaning while I’m doing nothing. Maybe when I really am struggling I will have to employ someone. I do have a lovely lady who does my ironing though. She does a wonderful job, and I couldn’t manage without her.
Lucky legs, your DD doesn’t have to visit if she’s not happy. I used to paint and decorate and do the cleaning etc. for my wonderful mother. Wish she was still here! xx

I think she means well suggesting you make life easier for yourself by decluttering and having fewer possessions and by employing a cleaner so you won’t have that task. However, the way she conveys her ideas is, in my opinion, wrong. Plus she’s expecting you to have the same goals and standards as she does. Maybe you’re very comfortable with bulging cupboards and finger marks. Many people are.
Try not to take her too seriously as it is making you angry. She knows you're sensitive to her and want to avoid confrontation. Try doing something unpredictable. You and hubby could howl with laughter every time she points out something negative or quickly change the subject so she thinks what she’s said isn’t important. If you’re up to it, wink at her husband and remark, “Oh, are you the Ofsted inspector for kitchen cupboards today?” It may well lighten the mood.
Alternatively you have so much to do in your house you could use it as a reason for a couple of weeks not to do her washing, iron her clothes, provide her and her family with meals. She’ll learn to appreciate what you do for her (and may return as a grateful not judgemental guest). Remember she no longer lives in your home and you’re not one of her pupils.
When I worked full time as a teacher I had a cleaner. She began well...no, I wouldn’t recommend one. Since retirement I’ve decluttered to lessen the cleaning load but that may not suit you. Every person is different.

I have a cleaner who comes every 2 weeks for 90 mins. I tidy up before she arrives as I know where things should live! She does a broad brush clean and I do anything pernickety so it's the best of both worlds.

I only started having a cleaner a year ago. She only does two hours and I clean or iron for the same two hours, so we get a lot done and that it is for housework for the week!
It is brilliant not looking at the house seeing dusty skirting boards etc. Worth every penny!

As with other things in life YOU and only You will know when you want to employ a cleaner. I really like a lived in house but more than that I like a CLEAN house. I have two lovely Polish ladies who come only when I text them (about every 4/5 weeks) and they do a great job -even the inside windows.
It means I can enjoy sewing and knitting and watching telly without that guilt of housework looming!
You seem to do an awful lot for your daughter- a v lucky girl!

I am a cleaner, in tier 3 and allowed to carry on working as specifically stated in the rules. I stopped during the first lockdown, though, as I wasn’t allowed to carry on then.
I wear a mask, use hand sanitizer and common sense, and I’m proud to say none of my clients, all elderly and clinically extremely vulnerable, have come to any harm.
I don’t judge how any of them live their lives. I’m there to do a job. I do, however, wish one or two of them had contacted me before they did. People tend to let things get too much, for too long, before getting help.
And I really do appreciate that needing help is not always an easy thing to admit to. It’s not easy to have someone in your home, doing a job you were once capable of doing yourself.
However, if you do decide to go ahead, I wouldn’t worry about having someone in while you have building work/renovating work under way. We are in that position ourselves. I couldn’t care less if there’s a bit of dust about, or if the bathroom doesn’t sparkle. We’ll just live with it. If our guests don’t like it, I’ll show them where the duster and mop are kept!

* On the point of renaming a "Cleaner"..........How about

Domestic Hygienist.

Come on GNetters, there must be numerous alternative job titles.*

When I wasn’t working outside the home, I preferred to call myself a household management executive.

I had a cleaner when we were both working and had young children, while DH was working abroad, and another time when I was ill and had a lot of stairs. Now we're both retired we share the cleaning (DH does plenty without being asked or thanked, I'm pleased to say). We're also renovatinbg so no point until we're finished making a mess, even if we wanted one.

Luckylegs - I’m sure your house isn’t “mucky” and what can you expect when your renovating it! We had a cook and cleaner when I was a child in the early 1960s when we lived in Hong Kong but when we returned to the UK when I was 12 my mother did it all, despite working full-time.

Natasha76 - I agree that having a cleaner for elderly parents is a godsend. My mum was 99 last week and I have only just persuaded her to have them. I always did her cleaning (still do the big kitchen and bathroom jobs) but two ladies come every fortnight and keep things ticking over. They change her bedding too and last week cleaned behind the bed and washed and dried her duvet cover (she lives in sheltered accommodation and there is a communal laundry). They are nice ladies (one lady’s father lives in the same complex) and very trustworthy.

I personally wouldn’t have a cleaner as I am a bit OCD and my bungalow is small and manageable and I am very much a minimalist so not a lot of dusting. I did, however, have my carpets and leather suite professionally cleaned just after the first lockdown and it was well worth it. I don’t begrudge anyone employing domestic help (if they can afford it). Each to our own.

No I've never had a "domestic hygienist", although might think of it in years to come.
Luckylegs, I would tell your daughter that she is very welcome to come over and do your cleaning for you if she is that concerned - unpaid of course!

Nanawind

Why would I have a someone when my DH is the best cleaner around.

So is mine but he moves things all the time. Drives me up the wall. Last week he tidied away the box I keep on my bedside table. It was full of useful stuff.
He couldn’t see why I might need a nail file, a travel plug or a thing to weigh luggage!
Well I knew where they were, now I haven’t got a clue. Hope he remembers.?

I have had one - but not during the virus. However I am tempted to ask her to come in after Christmas and I will go shopping while she is here.

I am hoping to move house in the new year and it needs a good going through - I am not able to pull out sofas or other furniture and tackle the micro-ecosystems that reside there.

I don’t have one except for last year for the first time ever I had someone to clean my range oven. 80 quid very well spent. She spent hours in it and I will do it again. It’s an awful job but I’ve done it for 45 years and no more. You spend your money how you like and cleaners are doing a job for money not as a favour to you. I’m too fussy to have one for the rest of the house but my best friend and DDiL are cleaners for a living, it’s their livelihood so no need to feel guilty.

No never had one, but I did do the job and the most ungrateful job if ever there were one and pittance wages, but sometimes needs must when you need to have some income coming in. How different times are to when we were young. No getting there nails, eyebrows, fake tan, etc spoit!!!

Had one many years ago (when I was younger, fitter and more able!). Bliss! I was too busy high flying and socialising for anything so mundane. My Mum was somewhat embarrassed. Nowadays there's just me and I'm moderately tidy so just manage the basics as I go along. No, you won't be dazzled with sparkling but neither will you pick up any dreaded lurgy. Just homely and that'll do me.