Insomnia - how to forget the past

Oh NannyBuzz I know how you feel, my brain goes into overdrive. All the past misdeeds, errors, things I should have done better and so on. My only answer is to put the radio on, music or talk, it does help if you have a sleep button on your radio.

Self-hypnosis is a very useful way to manage sleep issues like this, if you have the self-discipline to learn to do it. It’s not that easy to learn, but it’s brilliant when you can do it.

Alternatively, listen to something that occupies your mind as you are falling asleep. White noise or relaxation sounds don’t really work, but an audio book, radio podcast or play can displace these anxiety thoughts.

On the very rare occasions I have trouble sleeping I write a murder mystery in my head. I start off the same way each time (go into work, find a colleague hanging from the balcony), but then the details diverge. I’m usually sound asleep well before I’ve completed the investigation.

NannyBuzz, you’ve described exactly what happens to me some nights. Also, when I do get to sleep, sometimes I’m awake again in about 3 hours, so I read again. If this was more frequent I’d try audio books.

Isn’t this funny Nannybuzz I was thinking of starting a thread about this very thing today while I was in the shower For me it’s nothing to do with sleeping or nighttime it’s just that whenever a memory comes into my head it is always a negative memory something I ‘did wrong’, got wrong, or acted in a way different to how I would now or how I would with hindsight
I beat myself up about things that others won’t probably even remember they are often little things but why can’t I focus on the things I got right the things I did to enhance and not the things I got wrong

Unless you have an unsolved problem that you can fix, let it go, don’t waste time thinking about the past, it’s gone forever.
When you wake up, get up and listen to some music or get onto the GN thread that’s active. Don’t lay awake for hours replaying events.
As I said to someone recently my sleep problems are nothing that a Hot Chocolate and some horse tranquillisers won’t fix.

I worked with somebody who couldn’t sleep because of things going over and over in her mind. She was advised to keep a book by the side of her bed, write these things down and tell herself she would think about them the next day, it did help to clear her mind and it may be worth trying that. I also think you may be helped by cognitive behavioural therapy, before this pandemic you could have been referred by your GP but there are lots of books and information on line about this. Mindfulness may help too, I believe there is currently a Netflix series on this. The mind is a very powerful thing, try to learn how to make it work for you rather than against you.

Try solving some of the family's problems, that'll get you to sleep
Sometimes I have a thousand and one things going on in my mind that I get so mentally exhausted I just zonk out. It's a bit like reading a book.

Just spotted the title of your thread .

You cannot forget the past, you have to accept and move forward, unless as I said before, you can still fix it.

I wish I knew the answer to this. I relive my life over and over and when I finally fall asleep I relive it in dreams too.

This is a very interesting thread and it’s so reassuring to know that the futile business of re-living past errors is common. It must be something to do with the ageing process. When these events actually happened, I waltzed through them without a backward glance! Short-lived guilt and remonstrances, perhaps, but no serious self-flaggelation. You learn, you move on. But that doesn’t help when it all comes back in the middle of the night.

Try this. Get as comfortable and relaxed as you can in bed. Tell yourself to banish all other thoughts (I know that will be hard) but you have to think about one thing only and that is your breathing. Breathe in and out as deep and as slowly as you can. Concentrate on how you breathe. That must be all you think about. It may take time but hopefully, soon, you'll be able to fall asleep whilst doing this. Sometimes, I'm awake and my mind is racing but this works for me. I hope it does for you.

When you are laying in bed imagine that you have won squillions on the lottery, by the time you’ve divvied it all out to various family members and dealt with their squabbles and infighting, you will be fast asleep.

I often do this, I have had a very "eventful" life. The only way I have found of going to sleep is to list famous people with the same letter for christian name and surname i.e. Arthur Askey, Bernard Breslaw etc. I go through the alphabet and have only got as far as F before I am asleep.

I understand the re-living past mistakes thing, too.

It's not as easy as relaxing and clearing the head - there is something more fundamental going on than just a racing mind. As Kate54 says, it seems to be part of the ageing process. Look at the number of books and films which use the structure of an old person looking back over their lives.

I know it solves nothing, but that doesn't mean I can make it stop. I think the only people who don't worry about hurting others are psychopaths, aren't they?

Annoyingly, if I knew that there was someone lying awake worrying over things they had said or done to hurt me, I would (with only one or two exceptions) forgive them and tell them to forget it, as I definitely don't remember. The chances are that the people I am thinking about would say the same to me.

Yes you understand Doodlebug for me it’s nothing to do with sleep it simply why do I only remember the bad bits why are my mistakes always upward in my mind and not the good things I did, which I know in my heart outweigh the bad also they re not always big big mistakes they can be silly little things that the other person probably never thought another thing about
Maddening isn’t it

I think this is a problem as one gets older, and it's worse because we have so much time for thinking and reminiscing at the minute.

Absolutely everyone has made mistakes. We are only human!

I remember reading that if you are feeling like this and can apologise for something then do it. So I apologised to my brother and my son for two separate things that had been on my mind for years when I thought I had offended or hurt them. Neither had a clue what I was talking about. But I felt better anyway.
So there is this option.
Also we have to remember that we usually do the best we can at any given time, and no one can do more. I know my mum and dad made mistakes, but none were intentional and we have to allow ourselves the same understanding.
We can't undo the past, so if we can't apologise then it's best to try not to think about it. Meditation helps to let go of things. Or just find a good book to concentrate on.
Recently I have been telling my children there are things I wish I had done differently and they tell me I am much too hard on myself and that I was and am a very caring mother. As Bluebelle says we dwell too much on the mistakes we have made in life and not the things we got right.
Perhaps Nannybuzz you could try making a list of all the good things you did and get a balanced view.

We all, usually , do as well as we can. I look back and think. ‘ I should have or shouldn’t have’ . At the time it seemed the right thing to do. I did as best I could. I tried my best. Can’t do anything about the past. My best may not be at good as others, but it was my best.

I know it solves nothing, but that doesn't mean I can make it stop.

This thread is very timely for me because I've been plagued with this too; always late at night and preventing any sleep or rest. I'm sure nadateturbe is quite right in saying that, if we could go back and speak to the people we're thinking of all these years later, they'd have no idea what we were talking about. Self forgiveness is the hardest forgiveness to do though.

We all, usually , do as well as we can. I look back and think. ‘ I should have or shouldn’t have’ . At the time it seemed the right thing to do. I did as best I could. I tried my best. Can’t do anything about the past. My best may not be at good as others, but it was my best.

Flump is right about breathing. This is a meditation technique. Every time your mind wanders you bring it back to the breathing. Gradually you learn to dismiss negative thoughts before they take hold, at any time.

I had a terrible sleep problem in my menopause. I went to see a sleep therapist. She explained the secret is: training your brain to sleep. This has to be one thing. Be it a favourite walk, walking/looking round your garden etc. But it has to be the same thing because then the magic happens because most people fall asleep eventually so the brain learns, ah, this is where I go to sleep so. It gets sooner and sooner the longer you do it.

I suffer from this too, so upset inside, while smiling on the outside so family think I'm okay!.......

Oh my goodness I could have written this post ! I've had a very eventful life also, and I find myself reliving it constantly as if haven't already gone through enough, and this is causing me great distress.
I do think the pandemic has made it even worse than it already was as too much time alone. Sleep is a major problem for me too, and once a week will take a magic pill so I can get some peace and rest. I find reading if I can't sleep helps me. I think getting your doctor on board would help, and talking therapy to help you realise circumstances during our lives are out of our control much of the time, and that we do our very best despite such.
Thank you for your post I hope things improve for you.

Radio 4 followed by the World Service at night helps to take my mind off anything I don’t want to think about.