Uncomfortable moments in other people's houses

My now ex and I were invited for drinks at the home of the parents of our son's schoolfriend. As we stepped over the threshold there was an almighty sound of breaking glass. The hostess ushered us into the drawing room and our husbands went upstairs to investigate.

It appears that a very large priceless, family heirloom, antique glass and mirror-tiled cabinet had spontaneously exploded on our arrival! Anyway we had drinks and nibbles and polite conversation - they're a very nice couple, and after an hour or so we bade farewell to discover our car had been clamped - it was a bank holiday Monday and we assumed that it would be OK to park.

The poor couple could hardly close the front door on us so invited us back in. After organising the release of the clamp which would take hours, we all decided to go out for an early dinner to a Chinese restaurant, it being the only place open at 6pm on a BH Monday. We finally departed company around 10pm.

We were never invited again!

When first married we made friends with a nice couple in the next street. I invited them to dinner and went to a lot of trouble preparing.I came to about 9.00 and no sign of them so I phoned to see if all was well. The wife was very surprised and said they had already eaten. I had actually confirmed the date with the husband and he hadn't bothered to tell her!They very gamely rushed round and had a second meal.

My BIL was an electrician and he was working in a house and had to lift all the floor boards in the hall to service a fault in the wiring. He was under the floor and the front door bell rang and lo and behold the little Yorkshire terrier belonging to the house ran from the living room to the front door - what happened - yep dog fell right down the hatch. Fortunately dog was unhurt and BIL got a terrible fright as did the houseowner. When I visualise this in my head I do laugh out loud. Dog was absolutely fine BIL got a big fright though.

We go back into the other room and as I enter first, Himself behind me with the Hotpoint board

Oh, that is just so funny Urmston ??

Not strictly in someone's house, but I was driven to a residential conference where we were housed in a holiday camp, having to share these tiny bedrooms. The girl driving me just did not stop talking all the way from London to Swansea, all about 'I said to him, and he said to me' about her husband. I couldn't get a word in edgeways and was desperate for a spot of silence, so was horrified to find I had been allocated the same room as her. There were just two very narrow beds and a thin strip of dirty carpet between them. We went to bed, and finally the talking tailed off, to be replaced by loud snoring! I woke first and was keen to get to the bathroom first. As I got out of bed in the dark, I put my foot on something soft and squashy, which was such a shock that I fell over, crashing to the floor, but even that didn't wake her. When I came back from the loo she was awake and had put the light on. I could then see that what I had stepped on was the silicone breast prosthesis from her bra, which she had discarded between the beds!

It was my first meeting with my American boyfriend's mother. Things were a bit tense and we were making small talk in the kitchen. She was talking about the bf's brother who always had the same thing for lunch every day. I heard her say "Every day, Monday to Friday I have to make him F***ing Nutter sandwiches!"
I thought to myself, "oh this is going to be fine", relaxed and started dropping a few expletives myself.
When the mum left the room, bf, with a slightly panicked look on his face asked me if I should maybe tone down the language. I said, "but your mum used the f-word!".
He then explained to me that there is a sandwich in America made of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff (I kid you not), called a FLUFFER nutter sandwich!

Good one dragonfly!

It's been a tonic reading these today MissA!

That's a great one.
Like something from "One foot in the grave".

Staying with brother and law and his wife who I find a little distant, it’s never a relaxed visit. Sometimes suffer with dry eyes so has taken a gel to use and accidentally left it in the family bathroom. It was only when I went to use it a couple of days later that I realised it was in fact a vaginal moisturiser!

My MiL liked to turn up at peoples houses unexpectedly and persuaded us to visit an ex- teacher of my DH. We knocked at the door and the teacher was out but his wife graciously asked us in and served us tea. When she left the room MiL having looked at the photos around informed us it was the wrong teacher and she had no idea who this man was.
We beat a hasty retreat!

Continuing the theme of the demon drink : I hadn't had a drink for the full nine months of being pregnant, and about a month later was invited to a pub with my husband to celebrate his friend and wife getting their first home and installing a ruinously expensive kitchen, which she waxed lyrical about and was keen to show off to our group of friends.
The alcohol went straight to my head as we walked the short distance from pub to their home, I was already feeling bilious. Their house was a terrace , rooms built along the lines of a train; when I entered I could see straight through the living room, dining room and into the kitchen- where I set my sights on the gleaming inset sink and set off with the speed of Red Rum, only to fall at the last fence as it were, and to throw up copiously on the breakfast bar arrayed with a fabulous array of food, now somewhat enhanced with purple ( Pernod ), vomit.

My DH and I both had unfortunate incidents when we went to each other’s houses for the first time many years ago!

I was quite a shy 17 year old when I first went to his for tea. Before we sat down at the table I thought it’d be a good idea to go to the loo first. Off I went to the downstairs bathroom, had a wee, tore off and used some toilet paper but unthinkingly hung on to that whilst simultaneously throwing the whole (new but not on a holder) roll down the toilet! What was I thinking??!! Absolutely mortified, I dithered about wondering what to do but eventually ventured out very red faced and clutching the now soggy roll!

The first time DH came to ours to pick me up, I persuaded him to come in to meet everyone as there were various elderly aunts, uncles, grandparents etc visiting. He was so nervous but bravely stepped forward with hand outstretched to my dad, sadly not noticing the full cup of tea an aunt had put on the floor. His shoe caught the edge of the saucer and the cup flipped and flew through the air, almost in slow motion, showering all and sundry with tea!! He’s never lived it down!

Another friend of mine, when she had been drinking, would always head off to her ex boyfriends house (and of course, he let her in)

The last time she did it, bearing in mind he lived with his mum, my friend woke up with an upset stomach.

Got up to rush to the toilet and didn't make it in time.
All over his mum's silver hall carpet!

Again, in the 70's, my friend and I used to go to a nightclub every weekend, where I'd had my eye on a gorgeous man for weeks. We eventually began a weekend romance, conducted solely on these nights in the nightclub. These were the days when one could find a dark corner and snog each other's face off.
One particular night I'd had way too much to drink and on leaving couldn't get a taxi so ended up at my boyfriend's house, ostensibly to phone from there ( his parents were on holiday ).Well one thing led to another and then it was morning.My man, looking even more handsome when tousled, walked over to my side of the bed to open the curtains and there , clinging by static were my hastily cast off nylon knickers: inside out and crotch side up.

Petunia bedroom story is hilarious!

Ooh just remembered another one.

Our house.
NYE party. Lots of people.
One elderly lady sipping sherry and her son in law kept topping her glass up. Someone said the next day he’d winked and thought it amusing.

Later during the evening, the lady in question stood up, picked up her full-ish ashtray and tipped it into the tiny bin (covered in green velvet (!) - I’m going back to 1980 here) which was over by the Christmas tree, losing her balance and toppling into said tree in the process. Tinsel, pine needles and baubles running along the carpet ...

We all felt so mortified for her distress but it was like slapstick and we were helpless.

She got the last laugh, unintentionally. She was staying over at said son in law’s house up the road. When they walked her home and opened the front door, as they walked into the house she was sick all over his hall carpet ....

Going not boing ( I blame ?again)

Also in the 1970’s ( what a decade)? we had a party at our house, we did this now and again ( oh to have a party now!) and this one time, I was constantly boing to answer the doorbell as more people arrived.I opened the door and greeted them and feeling that DH was hovering at my shoulder, introduced him to them as my husband.Only it wasn’t! It was a colleague of DH’s and he looked most surprised.So then I had to say ‘oh sorry, it isn’t my husband, it’s .......?’ I couldn't remember his name for the life of me.
They must have thought drink had been taken ( mind you, it had.)??

I'm enjoying these too, thanks

In the 1970’s we had some friends who we often met out for a drink.One evening, they told us laughingly, that they had been invited to a couple’s house for drinks and a meal, and as the evening progressed ( and getting hungry) they realised that all that was on offer was drinks, nuts and crisps.They had mistakenly thought there would be a meal of course.We all laughed about it and said how important it was to be sure of something before you went.
A few weeks later, they rang us and we had a chat and they invited us for drinks at theirs, instead of meeting in the pub.
Found a babysitter and off we went on the appointed night,
Chatted, enjoyed the drinks and nibbles they provided and then......were told the meal was ready, time to sit at the table!
We had eaten our meal at home earlier and were now full of crisps and nuts etc.
It was like the scene from The Vicar Of Dibley ( Christmas dinners) but we had to force down a starter, main meal and pudding.
Never felt so bloated in my life. It was really a lesson learned, and since then I always find out what’s on offer when accepting an invitation to anywhere.Otherwise you go hungry or have to eat twice.

It's not my doing, it's you lot with whistling noses and -boards-

Yes great thread MissA thank you!
?
Such a good giggle tonight. GN at its best.

Good thread MissA have enjoyed all these stories.?

When I was a student I lodged with a family who regularly had house parties. I arrived back one evening and a party was in full swing. I crept upstairs to my room, switched on the light and got the biggest shock. A young man was asleep, snoring loudly on my bed. I was very shy and was too scared to go down and tell my landlady. I sat on the landing until the party finished and the family came upstairs. Apparently he had got very drunk and was told to sleep in the daughter’s room, who was away at university. Fortunately I was able to sleep in her bed.