I'm coming from the perspective of a daughter who has estranged herself from her father. I have a great relationship with my mom, but I simply can't keep holding up the relationship with my father. I've tried talking to him many times, to no avail.
He doesn't take my thoughts or feelings into consideration; he believes that as long as he's comfortable with his words and actions, everyone else should be too. He can't see outside of his own perspective. He constantly dismisses me and makes me uncomfortable, then says it's my fault and that I need to change myself to suit his needs yet he would never change any of his behaviors for me.
It feels like he's stuck in a fantasy version of reality. When there's a problem, his go-to is to ignore, dismiss, deflect, or straight-up pretend that what's happening isn't happening. If anyone pushes back, he explodes. It leaves you in a position where you just have to stay quiet and never speak up for yourself if it goes against his narrative.
At the same time, he has made many sacrifices for me. He’s brought me groceries when I was sick, paid for my heart surgery, and financially supported me through my struggles with mental health issues. That being said, I'm no angel. I don't think I've been a great daughter either. I have been absent and cold when things were inconvenient for me, and I haven't made sacrifices for him.
I would love to mend the brokenness of our relationship, but how can I do that with someone who values their own comfort over our relationship (I guess the same could be said about me too, icing him out for my comfort)? I know he's lonely and hurting from our broken bond (my mom tells me about it), and I feel terrible, but I genuinely don't know what to do.
I need advice for a mutually messy situation
