Gransnet forums

Chat

With regard to choosing partners/husbands ... do you think it’s true that ‘opposites attract’? 🤷‍♀️

(20 Posts)
Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:24:01

I read an article a long time ago that suggested we are attracted to people who have the kind of personality we ourselves don’t possess.

What do you think?

In our case I’m quieter, like books, a good friend (I think) but I don’t like confrontation and avoid it wherever possible. Himself although kindness itself, is an alpha male and isnt backward at coming forward. He is outspoken, sticking up for people - little things like ‘excuse me, we are in a queue and this lady is before you’ type of thing.

We are a bit chalk and cheese!

Toadinthehole Sat 23-Jan-21 17:26:34

We’re like you and your husband in reverse Urmstongran. I’m the outspoken one. Hopefully not an alpha male though🤔

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:29:40

So, do you think you were attracted to his ‘gentler’ personality Toad?

Toadinthehole Sat 23-Jan-21 17:31:10

Yes. I think so....I was always attracted to quiet types. They intrigued me. We’ve been together since we were 16, so must have done something right🤗

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:31:41

I only ask because when Himself speaks up I’m always ever so slightly embarrassed but also proud of him for not allowing rudeness to go unchallenged.

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:33:14

Congratulations! It’s worked well for you both. Yin & Yang.
Similar for us.
Perhaps Himself was intrigued by me ... once upon a time!

Toadinthehole Sat 23-Jan-21 17:35:34

Oh yes....the embarrassment it causes, or has caused in the past, is difficult to measure. He is better now. When I first met him, he would go so red so easily. If I’ve ever needed to , let’s say, confront someone about anything, he either disappears, or tries to say things like “ She doesn’t mean it quite like that”, when I clearly do.

Marydoll Sat 23-Jan-21 17:36:17

I agree Urmston. However, I'm the outgoing one , my husband is the original Quiet Man.

However, we do share the same values and are best friends. (Well sometimes 😉)

Grandmabatty Sat 23-Jan-21 17:36:36

I'm not sure. I am more outgoing than ex ever was. I had a saviour complex I think. Every relationship I had was with someone who was needy and ex husband was just the same. I'm staying single!

Toadinthehole Sat 23-Jan-21 17:36:50

Bless him, I have mellowed in my old age...luckily for him🤨

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:40:10

Love it! That had me chuckling.
You see your husband and myself would be mortified. We would empathise with each other ... but would we make a good partnership? Probably not. People would walk all over us! Could you even imagine either of us having to make a complaint? ‘You say it!’. ‘No you, I did it last time’.

And you and my husband would be so fiery! Fireworks probably.

Himself can’t understand ‘nuance’. He says ‘why do people ask my opinion when really they just want me to agree with them?’.
😂

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 17:42:03

Very good point there Marydoll. Similar values are important, otherwise you’d (both) be pulling in opposite directions all the time!

Scentia Sat 23-Jan-21 17:52:14

I was most certainly attracted to the gentle side of DH. I had grown up with strong and aggressive males all my life and I was very aggressive in my younger days. My DH is gentle and so kind, he has taught me more about how to be kind than anyone, we have grown together as a couple snd he is now far more able to speak up for himself snd I am so quiet and avoid confrontation at any cost. So yes I think opposites attract. Mind you he said he only went out with me as I had big boobs😂 not sure he means that!!

biba70 Sat 23-Jan-21 17:57:46

100% but also in the opposite way to you Urmstongran.

Yin yang 51 years.

Redhead56 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:23:05

Your husband sounds like me my husband is like you.

Jaxjacky Sat 23-Jan-21 18:24:45

Generally opposite to you Urmstongran it takes him longer to confront, but when he does, he’s dangerously, quietly firm. Other than that, some strengths are opposite, I’m organised, he’s not, but we both share a lot of interests and can happily share companionable silence on tablets/reading etc.

Redhead56 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:27:28

I meant to add I am not an alpha male though!

Urmstongran Sat 23-Jan-21 18:44:21

I need to learn to become dangerously quietly firm *Jaxjacky!

The more I think about it the more differences I come up with -
I’m lazy
He’s not

I’m better looking ... 🤣

sodapop Sat 23-Jan-21 20:35:18

In lots of ways my husband and I are opposites, he is kind, tolerant, slow to anger. I am none of those things. We do share a lot of the same values though and complement each other. I have mellowed a lot since we have been together or maybe it's just age.

LauraNorder Sat 23-Jan-21 21:08:29

Another here opposite to you Urms.
Orlin quiet, gentle, kind, sees the best in everyone. Me, feisty, quick to judge, assertive, sociable. Over 55 years together I have mellowed somewhat and he is more assertive than he was.
So yes I think you’re right, opposites attract, or if not attract then at least stay together happily once we find each other.