Does this reflect your opinion?

I’d say bullying is when one or more people make life unbearable for another person either by physical or psychological means.

I do think real bullying is rife in schools and the workplace. It may or may not be intentional, but it's often denied.

Alongside that is 'perceived' bullying - and it's very difficult to tell the difference, which may be something like the tone of voice or facial expression.

I was physically and psychologically bullied at school and bullied by my boss late on in my working life.

In each case I stood up to the bullies and they backed off. Bullying is pointless when the victim refuses to respond appropriately.

In each case the atmosphere at school and work, remained difficult, but at least it was free of fear of violence and overt bullying.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I worked for a bully, she held the jobs of many in her hands including mine, however she needed me more than I needed the job so I confronted her and said I was out of there if she didn't alter her attitude, which she did, but I hated the way she treated people and eventually I found another job and left. Her poor husband, who was a nice chap was treated the same, I don't know why she was so hateful. I saw her reduce a lovely man to the brink of tears as he couldn't just leave and couldn't stand there either and shout back as she did.
I have found it uncomfortable to have a different view on some political threads on here as the bias is one way and a differing viewpoint is leapt on, but it's not really bullying just very unpleasant.
Bullies are sad people, do do much damage, I saw that woman reduce a grown man almost to tears.

GagaJo your comment about your boss has reminded me of something I saw a while ago, about how to understand English people. This is the general gist:

Are they unfailingly polite to you?
Yes - they hate you

Do they constantly insult you and take the p*ss?
Yes - they really like you

Do they totally ignore you?
Yes - they are in love with you

I couldn't agree more FannyCornforth!

Although, I also ignore people I hate. The less interaction the better.

I once took a job with a family firm. The brother and sister just bullied and humiliated their employees.

A very nice, polite, mild-mannered chap started work there at the same time. He had a family to support and bills to pay.

I was young, free and single - so I had a choice. I lasted a week, then never went back, no notice, no warning.

He gave me a lift to the station on the Friday evening, so I told him I'd be gone and he was so pleased for me!

'Bosses' are in a position to bully because of their power base. I have worked for two bullies. It was not targeted at one employee but they created a climate of unease and general fear amongst all of the employees.

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men...",

I don't agree with this quote entirely... but it does happen.

Horrible, horrible, horrible people---if you can call them people. One of the worst traits in a human being.

To put another perspective. A "boss" was accused of bullying by a member of staff. She had always been very good at her job, was a very intense personality who took things very seriously and she had always sung her boss's praises as the "best boss she had ever had!"

Over a period of time she started to behave rather oddly, started accusing various other team members of various rather odd things, none of which stood up to scrutiny and sounded somewhat far fetched. However all were carefully looked into, appropriate mediation etc was arranged as appropriate. Suddenly she accused her boss of an array of shocking actions towards her during various meetings, events etc. Many of these things were supposed to have been done to her in front of a range of witnesses, none of whom supported her and all of whom denied her version of events!

She went to her union who encouraged her very strongly to formally accuse her boss of bullying despite there being literally not one even small shred of evidence and despite the fact that they could find not a single person in the very large team, or even in previous teams the boss had been responsible for, who had a single complaint about the leadership ...even when spoken to in complete confidence.

Although vey scared by the whole thing the boss never really felt angry with her, it was so clear that she was unwell. The boss was and remains very angry with her employees union who literally used the person's distress to create a "case" as bullying was their big "mantra at the time!!

Endless investigations later her union basically dumped her because they couldn't find a case to follow! She left, and did the same thing in her next employment. The boss has never fully recovered although has remained a very good, very fair and overall excellent leader.

madgran that is why " feeling you have been bullied" does not always mean you have been! It makes me angry when people misuse the word as it undermines the awfulness of real bullying.

i find it annoying when people don't at least attempt to specify the subject of the thread in their title.
any reason why bullying did not appear in this one ?

the subject word can be useful as a trigger warning.

Madgran77 not bullying, but I was once accused of being abusive by someone who was angry with me for refusing to take a certain course of action.

I asked for a formal inquiry into the allegation myself so that the person could air his grievance in the correct forum and my own actions could be scrutinised by independent adjudicators. I took no joy in being cleared as my accuser was a very damaged individual.

I took no joy in being cleared as my accuser was a very damaged individual

Exactly grannyactivist It is a word used to label things too quickly sometimes, resulting in someone not getting the help they need. I am glad that you were cleared for your sake

that is why " feeling you have been bullied" does not always mean you have been! It makes me angry when people misuse the word as it undermines the awfulness of real bullying

I agree PECS

Agree with Madurai. Some people seem to love accusing others of things and putting them through the wringer just because. It is also disgusting in that it makes people dismiss real and shocking bullying that needs to be dealt with severely. I had one of my staff who was an accuser and it caused endless troubles. Eventually she left and I am ashamed to say we cracked the champs. We found out she had a history of going round accusing people and had a diagnosed borderline personality disorder. What heartache she caused, though,to the innocent one accused.

Madurai= madgran . Pesky spell correct.

I do understand that children and young adults can be bullied by their school friends in a number of ways - making up stories about their sexual relationships, commenting on their appearance, making fun of them or threatening them. This can be done via the internet or in "real life". Internet bullying in this context is intimidating because those involved see each other in "real life" on a regular basis.

The same would apply, I think to other face-to-face personal and professional relationships, such as employees, partners, etc, etc.

Some people have suggested that "bullying" occurs on Gransnet. I don't think it is accurate to interpret robust discussion or disagreement on sites such as Gransnet or Mumsnet as bullying. Everybody is anonymous and I don't really understand how people can feel they are being bullied when nobody knows their real name, what they look like or where they live.

I was once bullied out of a job I really enjoyed. My revenge was to get a much better job with a rival firm. It did however take me a long time to get over what had happened.

I agree that robust disagreement is often mistaken for bullying on sites like this. But I do find it unpleasant when people make personal comments when they disagree - usually when they realise they are losing the argument.

I haven't seen bullying on GN (although I'm not here often enough to have seen a lot of things, really), but I have seen what I would call bullying on discussion boards before, when a group of posters jumped on everything their victim said, deliberately finding fault, looking for ways to make her look silly, or taking things the wrong way on purpose. If she made a light-hearted comment it was taken seriously and picked apart and so on, until she felt that she didn't want to post any more. When she said she was being bullied she was mocked, and 'jokes' about bullying were made at her expense. In the end, she left, and hasn't been back.

She did have friends who defended her (I was one of them), and the same sort of treatment was meted out to them if they spoke out. Those not involved said that they didn't see it happening, which doesn't mean that it wasn't, but I suppose you have to speak as you find. I am not one to use the term 'bully' lightly (although that was one of the accusations levelled at me - 'Doodledog would call this bullying') but I am sure that it was the right word to use in this case.

Having said that, in my last workplace I had a colleague who cried 'bully' every time she didn't get her own way. I didn't manage her, thank goodness, but I had every sympathy with the person who did. The colleague went off sick every time she didn't want to do something (often for months at a time) and generally didn't pull her weight, but she knew the system so well that she got away with it for years, and people were afraid of upsetting her, in case she accused them of bullying or went off sick, leaving people in the lurch.

Bullying is a difficult thing to define. It's serious when it happens but equally serious when the term is misused.

Two years ago my daughter needed support with helping her 14 year old daughter, who was going through a difficult time at school. My granddaughter's way of coping with the bullying was self harm or worse.
I found the ABA (Anti-Bullying Alliance) - National Children's Bureau website which my daughter found invaluable. Two years on, my granddaughter now likes herself and is planning her future.

ABA's definition of bullying is : the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. It can happen face to face or online. This can be applied to any situation: home, school, work and on-line. The first sentence is the vital one.

They break it down into six areas. One area is: Verbal - name calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, threats, teasing, belittling.

Reading through this thread and others, some GNer's experiences, whether at work, home or here on GN, show that they consider they have or are being bullied. In some cases by more than one person.

It is not easy, I'd say it's impossible to deal with it yourself. I consider on-line verbal bullying, one of the hardest to resolve. It needs an third party to assess what is being said and to be able to judge the tone in which it is written. I feel, I'm overlapping with another thread here. To moderate such a site as GN, to ascertain if verbal bullying is happening, takes expertise and snap shot decisions are not the way to resolve the issue.

Going back to the ABA definition (first sentence), does that happen here on Gransnet? I haven't got more than a couple of weeks reading threads to be able to give an answer.

Doodlebug. After posting my comment, I read yours. I would say this is bullying. My comment above explains why. The ABA definition and what they say verbal bullying is.

muse

*Doodlebug*. After posting my comment, I read yours. I would say this is bullying. My comment above explains why. The ABA definition and what they say verbal bullying is.

Yes, I agree that it was bullying, but the problem is that the people doing it insisted that they didn’t mean it like that, she was being over-sensitive or looking for trouble, and how do you prove otherwise?

I don’t think the site admin handled it very well, but I can see that it’s a difficult line to tread, particularly as cracking down would leave them open to accusations of favouritism or of suppressing free speech.