Why do I have to be a ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’?

If we are picking, I want to be a Tsarina.

I quite fancy being a Countess ?
I've never been married, my bank account says Miss Purplepoppies. I feel I'm a little too old for Miss somehow ?

Bijou do you mean you expect your great-grandchildren to put Mrs/Miss/Miss whatever on the envelope? That sounds so...well, cold honestly.

I have been Ms ever since it was an option! Since I didn't change my name on marriage I can't be Mrs Maidenname, as it sounds as if I am married to myself. Mind you, all our workmen call me this.

I've been thinking about this recently and had a discussion with my adult stepdaughter about it the other day.
I think using Mx ( pronounced Mix I think) could be used for everyone unless they are Dr/Prof/Lord whatever and prefer to use that for some reason.
It allows formality for addressing strangers, teachers, clients etc but doesn't attempt to identify anyone's sex or marital status.
There are a variety of gender neutral pronouns also - eg uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns/
For most purposes our gender or marital status are irrelevant. It's often not even so much marital status that matters for legal/financial purposes now, but more whether you live alone, who might be a beneficiary of your will etc. Where such details are actually required for some medical/tax/benefit reason etc, the necessary information may already be known or can be ascertained in an appropriate part of the documentation/consultation etc.
It would also avoid annoying communications such as the quote for roof repairs I received after I was divorced addressed to Mr F, although I had made a point of saying on the phone there was no Mr F and not to send the quote addressed to "Mr"!

I am probably old fashioned and prefer to be called Mrs xxxx.
Don’t like it when my great grandchildren address envelopes to me without a title. Also object to the electric company etc address me by my first name when on the phone. Also how should delivery men and tradesmen etc address me other than madam.
It seems disrespectful for children to address their teachers by their first names. (I nearly said Christian names but that is not done now).

Isn’t Ms the shorter version of Mistress ? At school we had a Headmistress, teachers were usually spinsters perhaps we should reintroduce Mistress or Spinster that would throw drop down lists into a tizzy

Why do we need titles that indicate our gender?
When reading The Handmaid's Tale several years ago I realised how easy it would be to freeze almost all women's bank accounts (as happens in the novel), just by using the titles as a filter.
And it's always the first box on any form we fill in.
I know it could be done through our names, but that would be more complicated.

baubles

I rarely use titles. If I’m addressing cards I use First name Last name. If forced into a choice from a drop down menu I use Ms or Lady.

Do you have a name? Just use that.
I've know women who were so affronged by this that they worked for a PhD, to become Dr.

baubles, I love this! I shall
always be Lady from now on

GrandetanteJE65 ‘Frankly, I prefer being addressed as Mrs plus surname than finding myself on Christian name terms with total strangers, such as a gynaecologist who is seeing me for the first time’. I’m with you on this. I’m not keen on medical staff introducing themselves by their first name either.

I remember that, having got married just after I graduated, I went along to the bank, asking them to include my married name on their records.
The assistant. whom I had known for years, beamed and said 'Just show me your marriage certificate a nd I will alter it'
'' No, change it now. Do you not know that, in law, I am allowed to call myself just what I like, so long as I am not doing it to conceal a crime''
Yours sincerely Lady Archbishop Dr Widgie''

I couldn't care less about titles and I am okay with being Mrs, but maybe we could all be addressed as Mistress. No indication of marital status and we would feel like we were living in a Restoration comedy.

silverlinings48 Think you will find there is such a word as Mister. Master was used to refer to a boy, Mister to an adult male. All the salutations use abbreviations of the full words.

janeainsworth

How do people feel about being verbally addressed without their title being used?
I don’t really like it if I’m addressed as Jane or Jane Ainsworth if I’m waiting to be summoned for a hospital consultation or something.
I really prefer to be addressed as Mrs Ainsworth. It just seems more dignified. I like it when the Morrison’s delivery man addresses me that way.
The use of titles on letters or records is just a way of letting people know how you’d like to be addressed.

Call me old-fashioned, but apparently the thing now, at the end of any letter, or on your CV, after your signature, is to add the pronouns you wish people to use when people refer to you, eg She, Her, Hers or They, Them, Theirs.

Plus ça change!

Yes we are encouraged to add our preferred pronouns on work email signatures

I never minded being Mrs - and I've always understood it to be a contraction of 'mistress' and nothing to do with belonging to anyone!

My problem is now solved, later in life, by becoming Dr.

What really annoys me is those online forms which only let you choose between Mr, Mrs, Miss and Ms for your title. There are lots of people for whom those titles are wrong.

homefarm, the other thing about 'Dame" is that if a man is made a 'Sir', his wife becomes 'Lady', but if a woman is made 'Dame' her husband remains 'Mr'.

Ms is the female equivalent of Mr. Mrs comes from Mr’s, i.e. the man’s property, so has never been for me. I agree that women’s marital status should not be stuck on them as a label. I just use my first and last name unless a title is required, then it’s Ms.

On forms I will tick/write "Ms". (I've been married to Mr 1968 for over 35 years, but I kept my own surname, and I can't be arsed about a title!) But in "real life" I don't really mind - just as long as I'm not addressed as "Mr"!

I am divorced but used my maiden name even when married. A teacher addressed me as Mrs A and I explained that my name was B..my maiden name so she called me Mrs B. I said No...Mrs B was my mother. I am a Miss...I like being Miss B I love my maiden name and like being a Miss. Oh and I detest Ms

Women can't win really can we
One of the titles I object to is Dame, why not Lady as the equivalent of Sir. It makes the woman sound like someone from a pantomime

My pet bugbear wasn't title, but that my old-fashioned family always sent letters addressed to Mrs Patrick XXX. I wasn't ever called Patrick - I was Mrs Sheila XXX. When people ask what I want to be known as, I'm always tempted to give the name I chose for myself as a child.

Frankly, I prefer being addressed as Mrs plus surname than finding myself on Christian name terms with total strangers, such as a gynaecologist who is seeing me for the first time.

I agree that distinguishing between Mrs and Miss is ridiculously old -fashioned. I don't feel it is relevant in modern life to distinguish between married and unmarried women. Carried to its logical conclusion we would need Miss for unmarried girls and women, Mrs for the married, Widow Mrs for the widowed and Divorced Mrs for the divorced, but not remarried. No-one would find that acceptable.

To me using Ms is daft - you cannot pronounce it, nor its Danish equivalent Fr (from Fru =Mrs and Frk= Miss) If we need new titles then at least make them something you can say easily.

Nowadays in Germany all women are addressed as Frau and all men as Herr whether married or not. This seems so more sensible to me. Dutch does the same using Mvrow for all women and Mijnheer for all men.

I really don’t mind being Mrs -now married for the second time and kept the Mrs when I was divorced. Maybe a bit old fashioned. I wear a wedding ring too although my husband doesn’t - he has a finger deformity and couldn’t wear one. I just like people to treat me with respect and if it’s anyone that I’ll ever meet again I always them to use my preferred first name.

The section that really annoyed me on forms was the marital status one. With DH in a Care Home I suppose physically, we were "Separated" but I felt very much "Married". If the questions then went on to ask about finances or how many adults lived in the house my answers would be rejected because of the assumptions made on the basis of the marital status answer.