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Why do I have to be a ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’?

(100 Posts)
WW010 Tue 02-Feb-21 15:24:01

Have just been asked if I was Mrs, Miss or Ms? I said none of those. I’m divorced and do not like the Ms title. But men are just Mr. We don’t need to know their marital status. I read in France that women are Mademoiselle until a certain age and then Madame. I think I’d like that. Quite fancy being a Madame 😉. What do you think? Will we ever get rid of the titles?

baubles Tue 02-Feb-21 15:27:41

I rarely use titles. If I’m addressing cards I use First name Last name. If forced into a choice from a drop down menu I use Ms or Lady. grin

keepingquiet Tue 02-Feb-21 15:28:48

Just give your name-refuse to be labelled. I do.

Wheniwasyourage Tue 02-Feb-21 15:29:23

Quite agree - why should I tell anyone my marital status? It's a matter for my partner, if any, and me alone. I believe the same thing happens in Germany as in France. When a friend's daughter was a student (aged 19) in Germany some years ago, she was addressed as Frau as she was considered to be an adult woman.

I am quite happy with Ms, if I have to have a title, although I prefer none. I could live with being a Madame if all other adult women were the same, but I don't want to take up a job as a madam at my age, thanks.

WW010 Tue 02-Feb-21 16:19:32

🤣🤣 brilliant. I said to the guy on the phone well I’ll just pick a title from your list. Can I be a professor? He said yes sure and put that down !!! Am alarmed now. Am sure there must be rules about that ???

BlueBelle Tue 02-Feb-21 16:26:19

I don’t use labels either why should we if I absolutely have to (sometimes you can’t get beyond it) then I d use Ms as a neutral but by choice never use them

GagaJo Tue 02-Feb-21 16:27:52

Hasn't it changed to Mme in France, regardless of age now?

I always thought I would do a PhD and wanted to have Dr. on my cheque book. Left it too long. No cheque books anymore!

LullyDully Tue 02-Feb-21 16:50:49

I just use first name and surname. Mrs when I was teaching but apart from that almost never. Certainly not Mrs followed by my husband's name as was done when I was a child.

LullyDully Tue 02-Feb-21 16:51:36

DH calls me Mrs T which I like.

eazybee Tue 02-Feb-21 16:58:23

It used to be so much simpler, and avoided embarrassment when people asked after your husband.

Married: Mrs. John Smith
Divorced/widowed: Mrs. Mary Smith
Cannot abide Ms. not a real word, just a sound.

welbeck Tue 02-Feb-21 17:06:47

Mx is used to avoid denoting gender as well as marital status.
be best to abolish all these.
but many forms still require the field to be filled in.
i was thinking of demanding Mx to make a stand, get them thinking, end goal to abolish such silly questions.
but other things have been happening lately, so slid down list of priorities.

M0nica Tue 02-Feb-21 17:25:29

Be what you want, you do not have to be anything.

Ashcombe Tue 02-Feb-21 17:30:17

GagaJo: you are right. Young French women are Mademoiselle but all are Madame when adults, regardless of marital status.

Wheniwasyourage Tue 02-Feb-21 17:48:17

I always thought that that system was very cruel, eazybee, not so much if you were divorced, perhaps, but if you had just lost your life partner you suddenly had what what would be regarded as a second-class name. I have never called myself Mrs Peregrine When, and spoke firmly to some elderly relatives who tried it on when we were first married! With, I have to add, Mr Peregrine When's full support.

Gwyneth Tue 02-Feb-21 18:02:30

I rather like the idea of Madame for adults. 😀

PaperMonster Tue 02-Feb-21 18:17:13

I don’t like the whole title thing. I’m favouring the French way!

I completed a job app today which asked for your Marital Status and it had Single and Married to choose from, with instructions to choose Single if you’re widowed or divorced and live alone. I fit into neither of those categories so missed it out. Not even sure if it’s even relevant!!

EllanVannin Tue 02-Feb-21 18:22:10

I'm Mrs. Everything's addressed to Mrs. and Gagajo I still use a cheque book and received a new book last year.

silverlining48 Tue 02-Feb-21 18:32:16

I would not be happy to be addressed as Mrs Lionel Lining. I am not the invisible woman.
Its either Mrs (Louisa) Lining or Ms. L.Lining.
Someone said Ms isnt a proper word , but then nor is Mr, both use first and last letters from Master and Mistress and neither denotes marital status.

Esspee Tue 02-Feb-21 18:32:41

I hate having to choose from these lists of titles too. I was registering with Qantas many years ago and they had the longest list of options I had ever seen with things like The Right Honorable, The Most Honourable, Excellency etc. so I chose Lady.
To this day they send mail to Lady Esspee though I have to say I have never been treated as anything other than a economy class passenger.

crazyH Tue 02-Feb-21 18:37:11

I love those who call themselves Professor, Lady and the like..........well done 👏👏

BlueSky Tue 02-Feb-21 18:45:40

Cannot abide Mrs John Smith. The cheek!
Anyway I’m Dr BlueSky.

Bridgeit Tue 02-Feb-21 18:48:02

It’s so annoying to think that if we decided to call unmarried men ‘ Master ‘ (as in ‘Miss ‘ for women ) they would still sound as if they were superior. 😄

grandMattie Tue 02-Feb-21 18:51:05

I agree but what title can we invent to replace the vexed Miss, Ms or Mrs.?

When I was a child, married women were addressed as Madame by the servants, unless they had been known since childhood. My mother was always Mamzelle Pauline to one particular maid. I never qualified as Madame even when married.! 🤣

Bridgeit Tue 02-Feb-21 18:56:14

Perhaps none, but then we may not want to to give our first/birth name.
We have to identify ourselves somehow, any novel ideas out there🤔

GrandmaKT Tue 02-Feb-21 18:58:05

I thought Ms was the equivalent of Mr? I don't see any problem with that.
One of our bank accounts insists that we can't have D Surname and K Surname on our joint account, it has to be D Surname and Mrs/Ms/Miss Surname - that annoys me!