Being patronising or maybe not ?

Cannot stand 'aw bless' - to me it is patronising and irritating.

Lifes too short to sweat the small stuff. Unless of course some one refers to me as 'My dear' or'dear' and then the hackles rise. Its funny isn't it the things that get under our skin.

Back in the days when we could travel further than the end of the road, I used to love going to the next market town to me, in Staffordshire, where they always address as you as "me duck"! Said with such affection, how could that not raise a smile!

I don’t like hun or ‘you guys’ but I wouldn’t exactly call them offensive. Nor darling, come to that.

I like duck, pet, hen, love - and I love, ‘moi loverrr!’

‘Dear’ can IMO be nice - a very elderly neighbour calls me ‘dear’ - but it can also have the tone of ‘old dear’ which is enough to get anyone’s hackles up.

Depends who it is and how it is delivered - a cab company receptionist who had failed to book a cab kept referring to me as 'sweetheart' in a harridan like manner when I rang to complain that I had missed a connection - that was not nice, but a manager in an office many years ago, a Geordie, often called me 'pet' and it was lovely. I liked him, he was a kindly, avuncular man and it was a warm greeting. If it is meant warmly - what's to complain about?

Guys cover all nowadays and I wouldn't be offended. At work I used yo say 'right then folk' if I wanted everyone's attention. Certainly wasn't going to call out about 20 names. I think the people who use every way possible to address someone in a conversation are just continuing to acknowledge you are there, in their presence without having to remember your name all the time. Harmless.

I’m a 63 year old medical secretary and was speaking on the phone to a male patient in his 80s the other day. He called me “sweetheart” and it made my day. But if it had been someone younger than me, I probably would have found it patronising.

I agree barb1946,
Dear makes me feel like a little old lady who needs help?

When working I always, always, ask how somebody wishes me to address them. I only have a couple of 'nicknames' for two grandchildren - which they seem to new happy with. Other than that, socially, I call people by their forenames.

Slightly off-message here but what I find horribly patronising is when a radio interviewer asks a question and the reply begins, "Look...", I can see the finger wagging at me as if I were a naughty child!

I hate being called "dear" etc I think it's really patronising. Just as if I 'm a little o!d dear how dare they

Doesn’t bother me at all

Sleepygran

When I did some training I was told not to call people by anything other than their name.It’s recognised to be a sign that you are indicating your superior position.
I’d never seen it that ways but I can see it now. Would we call our dr or solicitor love, duckie, sweetheart? No we wouldn’t. I also think it’s for people who are too lazy to remember our name!

I do if they do. It can be quite enlightening, depending on their reaction.

I had that training too.
It never took account of people who actually enjoy pet names or nicknames.
Some do.

entirely depends on the intent and tone for me
You can usually tell.

When I did some training I was told not to call people by anything other than their name.It’s recognised to be a sign that you are indicating your superior position.
I’d never seen it that ways but I can see it now. Would we call our dr or solicitor love, duckie, sweetheart? No we wouldn’t. I also think it’s for people who are too lazy to remember our name!

Blossoming - Quite! Also detest "guys".

I hate being called darling or luv.someone called this to me as a volunteer at the charity shop I volunteer at.told him I found it offensive after all I didn't know.told him just call me wendy everyone else does

Alegrias1

Love that your Mum still gets it too! They're a kind lot up here, despite coming across as quite gruff at times.

Pollyj

Yes, I think I would. Too often used towards women. Never to men.

Actually, that's not quite right - my late husband found it rather endearing (if a little salutory since it began when he was an "older gentleman"!) that shop assistants and others would call him sweetheart, dear, or my love.

Not keen on dear, makes me think of my grandma! Almost all others are ok with me. X

Hate hun with a passion!

poshpaws

I don't mind any of the polite names so long as they are said in a friendly manner. Up here in Doric speaking land I often get "m'quine" - a compliment since I'm 67 and the word quine means girl or young woman!

"Quine" is one of my favourite words poshpaws! At least they're not calling you a "wifey"

My mum gets called "quine" and she's 83

I find Guys really annoying, and have been know to say Im not a guy! also dislike Hun a lot.

It is really annoying...I hate it: especially when men call me “Love”.... I do pull them up on it and tell them I find it patronising....