Lockdown video calls

2BeautBrownies, please don't be upset.

As others have said, this is entirely normal for these ages. I think they get distracted by their own images and all the exciting buttons. What if you said they could phone you at an arranged time if they wanted to talk? The parent phones and hands the phone over. No distractions, and somehow less forced because they have something to say to you.

Also, if they are seeing the other grandparent every day, you will seem more exciting and interesting when the lockdown finishes!

Children don’t really do extended conversation. It’s an adult thing. Watch seven year olds playing together. It’s mostly action with a few exchanged comments about what they are doing. Two year olds mostly talk to themselves?

The calls need to be about doing something. There’s a vast range of online games you could play with the seven year old. I’m heavily into Stone Age at the moment! And it’s not always me that requests the call.

I’d just be content to watch the two year old pottering about. You may feel there’s not much of a bond at the moment but there’s plenty of time to build that in the future. A three year old won’t remember that you didn’t see him when he was two.

My 2yr old grandson is ok when he is having his tea in his highchair early evening. At other times he sees it as a opportunity to create havoc if I'm speaking to his mum

My two grandsons (now 5 & 7) live in NZ so other than the couple of times they've been over here FaceTime is the only way we have communication with them. They have only just begun to occasionally have a conversation with us - most of the time they're too busy playing or racing round. I have tried engaging them with puppets or story books but they're far too energetic to be interested - the elder one has Aspergers so unless it's something he's currently fascinated with it's not easy to talk to him.

I wouldn't be too upset by your GD's refusal to talk to you as at 2 she probably doesn't understand. Hopefully once you are able to visit things will be much better.

It must be upsetting for you. But remember that small children don't mean a lot of the things they say. When they say they don't want to talk to Granny, they don't mean they don't love you, just that at that particular moment they wanted to play with their toys or watch the telly. Young children live in the moment. And at that age, the concept of video calls probably doesn't seem quite real, like seeing you in person. I'm sure the bond will be re-forged in better times. Try not to worry.

I'd say it's unrealistic to expect a 2 year old to engage in a video call. The 7 year old yes, but even then it's not easy. Sometimes my 6 year old DGD does not want to take a call, video or otherwise from Mummy and that certainly isn't because she doesn't love her and being with her.

I think 5 mins is a long time for a child via zoom (or facetime or whatever).
We have tiny chats with our grandchildren when they want to show us what they are doing - "Look I'm doing my maths in just my pants!" or "I'm giving my snowman lots of arms". The very small ones (three and under) are offered the phone by their mum/dad to show finger painting or puddle splashing or whatever.

Maybe this is a solution for your family? It does mean it's more often but very very short. There is hardly any chatting with the parents but they seem to like it this way as it doesn't eat into their day in big chunks.

It's no different from a phone conversation! I can remember more than one time when my son / nephew/niece would refuse to come to the phone to speak to me - or I just got a "hello" followed quickly by "Bye"!
Doesn't mean anything , nothing against you, they just don't feel like talking to anyone at that time .
Nothing worse than being made to speak to someone - I can remember as a child how I was often scolded by my mother for not speaking to relatives while we were out because I was painfully shy !

I am certain that I would not have wanted to use Zoom when I was little. I found the telephone quite bad enough.

Your grandchildren are reacting to the situation, not expressing a dislike of you.

Call your daughter for the next while and don't ask to speak to the children, just send your love to them.

My DS & family live in Italy and obviously there is no chance of meeting up currently so FaceTime (video calls) are all that are possible. GD is nearly 10, GS 8 and both spend most of their time “passing by” with a wave, while my DS and I chat. I always get that wave at least but rarely spend much time talking with them. Sometimes they will show me something they have been working on and talk about school, but quite briefly. I just accept that and am grateful I can at least see them regularly.

We have a 2 year old grandson. We speak to him twice a week on WhatsApp while he's having his tea in his highchair. After he's had his tea we continue with him showing us his toys etc (still in his highchair) until he gets bored or tired and ready for his bath. This last 40 minutes max. He seems to enjoy engaging with us and we love it of course. Hope this helps.

Thanks for these responses. I am sure that the only contact with our grandchildren via video calls is causing anxiety in many cases. It is the only contact so of course it creates issues. I ask for a call every fortnight so it is not a case of overload. The children are asked if they want to speak and they say no. The bond of course is broken. I used to ask to see their toys as a topic to gain their interest.Sometimes I merely ask to say hello to them or wish them sweet dreams. The bond of course has diminished so much that I appear like a stranger. If short video calls are not working it is a case of hoping to rebuild a bond hopefully when I can see them outside.

I tried to do a video call with my DGS nearly 2 and he took the phone and ‘lobbed’ it across the room. I think they are children and really don’t think like adults do. Don’t overthink it all OP. Very normal child behaviour. Don’t take it personally ❤️

That sounds entirely normal, I’d say. My two sets of two GC (aged between 3 - 11) are like action motion background figures as they sail past the screen numerous times, yelling passing comments about this, that and the other. I did get to speak to the friend of one of them recently, though!

My youngest GC, just three, engages with me, mainly to shout ‘NANNA, GET A BOOK AND READ IT TO ME! NANNA WHEN CAN I COME FOR A SLEEPOVER? NANNA, I WANT TO TALK TO THE CATS NOW!’

Young children are easily distracted, it used to happen us when we video called when we lived abroad. It’s harsh, but you aren’t their world, they’ll have lots more going on and I’m sure you wouldn’t want them made to stay. As suggested, maybe they could call you when they have something special to share as cornishpasty suggested. It won’t be forever, although it feels like it.

It might work better if the children were told they could contact you when they want to rather than you contacting them when they may be doing other things. Even better if the parents could sometimes ask if they want to show you a drawing or tell you about something they had done.

Forced conversations are usually questions from the grandparent answered with one word, if they wanted to tell you something the conversation may flow better.

It will be much better face to face, not too long now.

We zoom call our Grandsons,aged 8 and 11....they are happy to talk and pull faces at us for about 5 mins,at most,then just say "I am bored now bye.." and off they go....our Son ends up talking to us for the rest of the call???...at least we see our Grandsons and get to see their smiley faces if only for a few minutes❤

My aunt used to telephone my mother every Sunday and I always was asked to speak to her. I never knew what to say to her as child and dreaded those calls.

I think it is probably hard for a little girl of 2 to engage on a video call.

When I look back to myself at 7, I don't think I'd have found it easy to talk naturally to my grandparents in such a way. They were all lovely but it would have been difficult. I don't even think I could have spoken easily to them over the phone.

Listening to my friends, I think this is normal. The last time we did a Zoom call , my five year old granddaughter spoke to us for five minutes and then proceeded to read her new Beano comic! We couldn't stop laughing.

Most children are like that, I wouldn’t force it, how often are you calling? The fact that the girls’ mother leaves the room herself shows your calls are perhaps too often and intrusive. Just cool it down, let them call you when they are ready.