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There’s one in every group

(20 Posts)
nanna8 Mon 15-Feb-21 23:17:49

Over the years I have belonged to dozens and dozens of different groups both for work and leisure and it seems to be true that there is always one who causes problems and seems to rub everyone up the wrong way. Is it some sort of unwritten rule of nature perhaps ? We do need the odd person to question things but I am talking about people who seem to be just, well, annoying. How do people deal with it without resorting to ganging up ?

Hetty58 Tue 16-Feb-21 01:03:18

Very funny, nanna8 - I'm the one! I do try to be annoying, really I do. I play devil's advocate whenever possible - just checking to see if anyone's actually awake. You need more than the 'odd person to question things'. Everyone should question things constantly.

Yes, it's a law of nature. All groups really need the annoying, aggravating, stirring one, you know. The rest can then be united in universal annoyance.

There's the brilliant possibility too, of thinking differently, considering other views, developing new insights even - far better than bleating sheeple any day!

FannyCornforth Tue 16-Feb-21 01:11:36

I can't deal with being in groups at all. I'm fine on my own or with one or two other people, any more and I don't know what to do.
In work situations, I either want to be in control, or be told what to do and left to get on with it.
I can't collaberate.

Hetty58 Tue 16-Feb-21 01:15:56

Good for you, FannyCornforth, collaboration is overrated!

Hetty58 Tue 16-Feb-21 01:18:48

(Groups - 'lowest common denominator' springs to mind)

FannyCornforth Tue 16-Feb-21 01:19:54

Ha ha! I can't even spell collaboration. It's that alien to me! smile

nanna8 Tue 16-Feb-21 03:26:04

Love these answers. Collaboration is sometimes mob rule too! I’m one that usually fits in but if I feel strongly I will speak out and go for it hard. What I was thinking of in particular is the whiny ones who are full of negative comments but never, ever try and help or come up with alternatives. Lot of them around and I am at that stage of life where I just ignore them, smile and offer for them to take over. They never do !

sodapop Tue 16-Feb-21 09:04:11

Same here, I'm naturally bossy and have to control my urge to take charge of any group I'm in. Committee meetings often bug me when people go off at a tangent and waste time.
Stick to the agenda folks !

Curlywhirly Tue 16-Feb-21 09:25:05

I'm well acquainted with that one person who rubs everyone up the wrong way - I'm married to him! Oh how he loves to be controversial, whereas I'm anything for an easy life, just as well really 😳

Kim19 Tue 16-Feb-21 09:32:21

Nope, I'm in the peacemaker bracket. Experience has shown me that the stirrers are mostly ego and little substance. That's only my experience of course.......

fiorentina51 Tue 16-Feb-21 09:40:20

I think there's a difference between someone who questions and encourages you to think about things from another perspective and those who just keep blathering on without being in any way constructive.
You know, the kind of person who thinks they are asking the questions that need answering when said questions had already been covered 20 minutes earlier and they would have known that if they had actually been listening.

Nannarose Tue 16-Feb-21 09:42:54

I am much better in groups than on my own. I hope I'm not the annoying one - I know I'm not usually - but maybe occasionally...... I also know that I am often the one to 'peacemake'.
Not completely relevant, but reading about groups reminds me of the Malvina Reynolds ditty my mum (a great committee person ) would sing:
I know that I'm not smart, I know that I'm not pretty
(both untrue!)
I may not be much on my own, but I'm great on a committee!

Jaxjacky Tue 16-Feb-21 09:54:40

fiorentina51 your last point rings a loud bell! I don’t mind being in a group/team, as long as there is clear direction. I dislike bossy, controlling people and have had to temper responses at times on GN, or just not reply, when in reality I would have done. Yes nanna8 there is usually one, or more, but if they have a gentle touch and listen to other’s views, playing devil’s advocate has its uses.

nanna8 Tue 16-Feb-21 10:37:34

Yes Jax,agreed. The only thing with written comments is they tend to hang around like a bad smell whereas a verbal one can be forgotten mostly. Sometimes I have written something and it has been misinterpreted by someone completely but then you have to weigh up whether it is worth the effort to correct it. Especially on forums! Mostly I figure life is too short to bother if someone wants to take it wrongly. Their problem.

EvieJ Tue 16-Feb-21 14:22:32

At work i'm always the one who goes to lunch on my own
I get comments about it but i don't care.
I guess because i've lived alone for long time so i'm used to my own company and i don't follow others and don't like gossip
However, i do love works events, as people seem to because more themselves .

M0nica Tue 16-Feb-21 15:36:04

there is always one who causes problems and seems to rub everyone up the wrong way

That is not the same as being the devil's advocate, Societies need them and they are often perfectly nice people, just awkward enough to stop a committee getting complacent and stuck in their ways.

The problem causer is someone, who however effective they are, is just, plain, unworkable with.

Often it is the person who is treasurer. The treasurer's job is to run the finances efficiently and advise on monetary matters whether income and expenditure, but too often they seem to think they have a veto on everything a society does that involve's money and become unreasonable monsters, using their power over the money to try and shape the group to their own ends.

I was the chairman of a society where we had such a treasurer and I overruled him on some expenditure and I and the third signatory signed the cheque. The Treasurer resigned and then wrote to the bank saying that the society was financially in danger due to our reckless spending and we were not fit and proper persons to run it. then left the area leaving no forwarding address. It took months to sort out our relationship with the bank and replace him with someone else.

A few years later, we had a new treasurer that nobody knew that well. He turned out to be a bully who used his size to intimidate others. He decided that only he understood new Charities legislation and this legislation increased his powers. Committee meetings descend to shouting matches. It was awful. In the end the chair suspended all meetings until the AGM, when we planned to get him voted out.

Thankfully, he resigned before that happened. Since then life has been peaceful.

Chestnut Tue 16-Feb-21 23:42:59


I can't deal with being in groups at all. I'm fine on my own or with one or two other people, any more and I don't know what to do.
In work situations, I either want to be in control, or be told what to do and left to get on with it.
I can't collaberate.

I can relate to that. I prefer one or two people rather than big gatherings. At work I just wanted them to say what needed to be done, then I was quite capable of deciding the best approach and organising my own work. I was very well organised and having someone else putting their oar in would just annoy me!

Blossoming Wed 17-Feb-21 00:35:07

I’m a misfit. Always have been, stopped worrying about it years ago.

nanna8 Wed 17-Feb-21 00:35:39

I used to have a cartoon on my office wall of a bunch of white sheep facing one way and a black one facing the other way.
The caption was, ‘just because you are in the minority doesn’t mean you’re wrong!’ Sometimes I would look at it for inspiration because we were governed by a committee of management, unpaid volunteers, who were basically unqualified and rarely had a grasp of what we were trying to achieve. Similar to a school council or hospital board.

Ro60 Wed 17-Feb-21 01:47:09

Fannycornforth Do stay in control - love your posts.
Yes always there's at least one.
Afraid I duck out when I see her name - not worth the backlash. feel sorry for the people that feel the need to present their CV's & erroneously feel they have better qualifications than anyone else. Like in all life, think she's having a worse day than me. My friends say (groaning) you always see the best in people.
So yes I go very quiet & some might think I'm rude but - if you can't say anything nice don't say it 🙊