Awkward people

I can't be bothered to chat much - even with people I like. Close friends understand that. Some just can't abide silences and go on about any boring old nonsense (wasting my time) just to keep going.

I'm very abrupt and brief with those I don't like, but still have to talk to (relatives or colleagues). I bet they think I'm hard work. So, maybe consider if the 'awkward' ones really want a conversation with you.

This made me smile, because I had just watched an old episode of Father Ted in which a visiting priest, with absolutely no conversation, lands himself on them for a visit.
It was the usual silliness, but quite funny.
Some people are just hard to converse with. Up until I was around 30 I was painfully shy, and people probably found me hard work to chat to. Life’s circumstances cured me, and now I will chat freely to anyone, without any difficulties.

I have a friend who phones about once a month to keep in touch in lockdown. She doesn't take a breath and because of her teeth or something I often can't follow what she is saying. Its usually about family problems and also her friends who I don't know. I sometimes get a word in but as she doesn't read or watch tv topics are usually about my family but she never remembers which son is which or what I have already told her.
However the calls seem to make her feel better as she always comments how understanding I am and what good advice I have given.

My late husband, I now realise showed signs of Aspergers. He was fairly quiet but not boring. He had interests, and boy if you got him talking about them, he would go on for ages and not pick up on cues that his audiences eyes had glazed over. Very intelligent, patience of Joab, but not socially aware, and never made social phone calls.
I, however, have become aware that during lockdown/shielding have become conversation starved

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I’m that person and believe me it’s as stressful and awkward for us too.. I never really learnt social skills as a child and this continued as I grew older ..I’d give anything to be chatty but try understand not everyone has those skills and I hate it when I hear people saying god their hard work sorry .

Tidyskatemum you sound like me. I find people who talk a lot are attracted to me probably because I'm quiet. After an hour or two in such a person's company I am exhausted and want to lie down.

I do understand people who find it hard to make small talk, since my mother was one such, but then she never seemed to understand that the best way (if it’s a struggle in a social setting) is to ask people something about themselves - most people will happily talk about themselves - and try to appear interested, even if you’re not!

Having said that, I still remember with a shudder a do at some friends’ house shortly before Christmas - dh was away, so I went alone. I knew nobody but the friends, who seemed to be in the kitchen most of the time, and did my best, but oh, what a struggle with one couple who answered questions like, ‘Are you going away for Christmas? or ‘Have you done your Christmas shopping yet?’ -
with just a yes or no - no attempt at ‘throwing the ball back’ so to speak.
Talk about had work!

OTOH people who seem to feel the need to talk incessantly can be exceedingly wearing!

FranA I’m with you on that. My husband does it all the time and takes over my conversations, I’ve learnt to turn my back or walk away, he still hasn’t got the message!
My brother is another one awkward to hold a conversation with and then when we do he laughs at whatever I’ve said or ridicules me.
I think that’s why I don’t like parties or family gatherings.

I must be on the spectrum then, this and other things.

One of my sons. You can be with him for hours and he doesn’t say a word! He rarely initiates conversation and only opens up if you hit the right subject. On the other hand my mother could talk to anyone. She couldn’t go anywhere without some stranger or other approaching her and chatting away. It wouldn’t do for us to be all alike.

I hate small talk and hate being in the position where I have to engage in it, but if forced I CAN do it.

Gagajo me too.

Weirdly I can talk to strangers for ages - for years I travelled around London by bus and tube and and had no problem responding to a strangers chat. But maybe because they were actually talking or joking about something in particular, not just prattling inanities for the sake of it. My OH on the other hand is much more sociable than me in general but can't talk to strangers.

We're all different- thank goodness!
We will naturally find there are some people we could talk to all day and never get bored/exhausted and others with whom it is a struggle. And some people just don't like small talk and shouldn't feel pressurised into it.
I think some people on the autistic spectrum may indeed find constant chat difficult. It's quite likely also that when folk have challenges with their mental health, they find small talk difficult.
My step daughter is prone to mild depression and can sit for hours saying nothing. It can appear rude, but isn't meant to be. We can have some good chats if I don't push the conversation. If we watch a TV programme we both like, that can open up a conversation.
The most difficult people I find are those who talk over others and think they are always right- especially if mansplaining is involved! It's ok if you can end the conversation and leave, but tricky if it's in a business context or a family gathering you can't cut short.
I can talk to anyone, anywhere and my daughter is the same - we've both come back from a train or bus journey knowing the full life story of someone we sat beside! My DH thinks it's hysterical.

One os my sil is like that.l call it one way conversation.l try to avoid her as she is too much like hard work.

My pet hate is people who interrupt me when I have only said a few words of a topic. After that has happened a few times I just give up on trying to have a two way conversation and resort to just nodding.

I hate small talk and hate being in the position where I have to engage in it, but if forced I CAN do it.

Yes, maybe it is something to do with being on the spectrum. Never thought of that before.

There are some people I've known for years yet find quite tough going conversationally but sometimes I meet people for the first time and get on like a house on fire. Just on the same wavelength? I don't know. I'm just glad to meet them when they appear in life.

What I find difficult is people who don't know how to end a conversation. With most people we both reach a point where the conversation is over and we can leave it comfortably. Others seem to find it awkward and I always have to find a polite way out saying things like "I better let you go, nice to chat" or something similar.

Amberone Sat 20-Feb-21 11:59:38
tidyskatemum I’ve never been able to understand how some people can prattle on seemingly about nothing for what feels like hours on end to me. It just makes me tired. I’m happy to chat when I’ve got something to say but I accept that a lot of people just enjoy talking.

Gosh that's me too! Sometimes I just switch off when people are prattling on, otherwise I might end up beating them around the head. I probably am difficult (for them) to be with for any length of time. I've found that with some people I just click and it's very easy. So maybe it's really prattling people who are difficult to be with grin

Oh YES - what Ambertone says. I can't be doing with prattlers.

Gagajo, I know what you mean. I wonder if some people who are awkward to talk to are on the autistic spectrum.

I have two relatives who are are on the spectrum, and if they go out together they are quite happy not talking. I feel awkward with silences though.

Yes, I have a relative a bit like this. The funny thing is that she always phones me for a purpose and then after having a stilted conversation for a bit, I now say 'What did you phone for?'. It sounds so rude to me, and I honestly can't think of a better way to phrase it, but she laughs and then tells me. Funny thing is that I find some people can rattle on forever and I switch off but sometimes it's me that's rattling on if I'm interested! Nowt so queer as folk!

We have to acknowledge that sometimes it is us and certain people find us overbearing, too chatty and just don’t know when enough is enough. Can get on with everyone can we?

Me. I’m awkward when it comes to small talk.

My brother in law can be difficult to talk to.

He often talks over you, not letting you finish a sentence, and seems to be an expert on everything.

I have a friend I’ve known for over 30 years but really find it difficult to have a conversation with her, yet we both chat away to other people with ease, very odd! Luckily we meet up with our husbands and general conversation is fine. Also find it difficult to talk to another friends husband, he only answers you and never carries on the conversation, he is like with everyone so not just me ?