Daughter’s astonishing comment!

i think what all this illustrates is how we all use the props of partial/incorrect memory to support the narrative of our lives that we weave as we go along.
very little is consciously done.

Only yesterday DD1 announced that no one had ever bought her first day stamp covers ‘because I wasn’t important enough’
There’s a box full of them upstairs in the spare bedroom

Kids are kids no matter how old and big they get ?

My 50 year old son asked why we hadn’t “allowed” him to go to university. He has conveniently forgotten that he absolutely refused to even consider continuing his education.

Thank you everyone for your contributions.
It’s good to know I’m not alone!

It’s so strange seeing my daughter take on our values and beliefs after years of rebellion.
The post was of course tongue in cheek!
She was totally undomesticated and had no interest in myself or anyone else teaching her, she is now a great pupil and will hopefully pass on her skills to our grandchildren.

I was only 20 when she was born and it was very hard as we lived hundreds of miles from any family or friends.
Financially we just about held our heads above water for the first 10 years things finally became a lot easier and our third was born with an 11 year age gap and according to numbers 1 and 2 a silver spoon!

We all do our best, in the most part I think we are all appreciated.

What a wonderful thread!
My AC haven’t really complained about things I did or didn’t let/make them do apart from saying they wish we’d had the money for . . .
However one DD, dealing with a recalcitrant teenager, said, “We were never like that were we?”
I went to the bookcase and passed her my well thumbed copy of Help! I’ve Got a Teenager!

fionajk42

I went to a school for "spoilt rich kids" - my father worked abroad so I was packed off to boarding school. We never learned to cook. Instead our Home Economics lessons taught us things such as "how to arrange your weekly menu with your cook", how to fold napkins into decorative shapes, and how to eat messy food without making a mess, while using the correct cutlery.

My favourite useless lesson was how to hold items at a garden party. You were expected to be wearing a white glove on your left hand, then hold a dessert plate, a fork, a wine glass and the other glove between your fingers, so that you could use your ungloved right hand to shake hands. Unfortunately I have never in 60+ years had any occasion to put this into practice!

Brilliant! It makes you wonder what lives these rich people actually lead, where they don't need any skills other than holding your gloves and drinks in one hand, etc... Love this!

Thanks for sharing, fionajk42

Last night when discussing chores my granddaughter is now doing as she is saving up to buy a horse (?) my son mentioned how he used to enjoy cutting the grass at home, turning the back garden into a putting green.
In his mind he was the one who cut the grass when growing up. When I challenged his version of the past informing him that his little foray into green maintenance was nearer to a 4 week stint and that he spent his teen years on the golf course only coming home for meals he refused to believe me.
Grrrrrr??

The only thing that comes to mind about 'mixed up memories' was my oldest son now 30 saying we didn't want to sign him up for hockey. I had to remind him he only suggested it when he was about 9 when all other Canadian boys would be playing since the age of 4. He needed skating lessons first, which we did sign him up for. He did skating for the season, lost interest in hockey and never mentioned hockey again until the age of 25! Poor underprivileged boy...

The OP made me laugh out loud. Just yesterday, I had this conversation with daughter 2 (now aged 30), who said 'I came home, annoyed with this teacher whom I hated anyway, I just wanted to vent, and YOU WENT AND PHONED HIM WITHOUT ASKING ME, YOU JUST DID IT, HOW COULD YOU?!'
My memory of the event is that she was really upset, and we did discuss whether I should talk to this teacher or not.

Of course I am the one suffering from memory loss, right??
In the end I just laughed and said, luckily it is a long time ago now...
Makes me wonder when and how often I unfairly blamed my parents for things they did (or didn't) do!

Smile less 2012 exact same thing happened to us. Our son had a completely different version of his childhood than us.

I ended up doing most of it and was very naffed off to get only a C+ - ‘Neatness and accuracy are 2 skills which you must practice (sic)’!

Oh, that's lovely, Witzend. It did make me laugh..

I remember helping my children with homework but don't remember actually being marked on it. Except that I passed geography GCSE - twice

Too many folk make an issue of other s behaviour -always a recipe for disharmony !
Live and let live!

Yes, when it suits.

Love this thread found out today from 42 Dd that I only fed her carrots as vegetables every ? never took her on walks to the forest (never lived near one) didn’t help with homework (forgets endless trips to library museums ) no internet help
never read to her (did every night) school packed lunch was terrible (sandwich penguin drink apple) shocking packed lunch what a terrible mother
Hopefully her kids won’t inherit her bad memory ?

Wow - talk about selfish kids! I have no complaints about my parents - yes I had to do chores in exchange for pocket money but my parents let me choose what subjects I wanted to take at school and whether or not I went to college afterwards or got a job. I think some of you need to remind your children about the reality of their childhoods, rather than pander to their inaccurate memories! You are doing them no favours by allowing them to hold on to their manufactured resentments.

I have noticed that now my daughter is a mother, some of the things I was criticised for doing, she now does, and they are no longer hanging offences.

Possibly by the time DGC is an adult, she might have worked through all of my faults and I may no longer be regarded as negligent.

I went to a school for "spoilt rich kids" - my father worked abroad so I was packed off to boarding school. We never learned to cook. Instead our Home Economics lessons taught us things such as "how to arrange your weekly menu with your cook", how to fold napkins into decorative shapes, and how to eat messy food without making a mess, while using the correct cutlery.

My favourite useless lesson was how to hold items at a garden party. You were expected to be wearing a white glove on your left hand, then hold a dessert plate, a fork, a wine glass and the other glove between your fingers, so that you could use your ungloved right hand to shake hands. Unfortunately I have never in 60+ years had any occasion to put this into practice!

One of my daughters did actually say they used to moan about me being strict but now they are grown up they realise it was because I cared.
That's the nearest to a compliment I get.

I am very tempted to print off this entire thread, it is so very reassuring to know that other people have adult children with such selective and strange memories.
Thanks so much to all the people who have contributed on here.
When my children were small I used to say that 'Being a Mother is Going to bed every night, feeling Guilty' - not sure how I would sum up being a Mother of an AC with such weird memories.

My children seem only to want to dredge up every grievance; I could probably have slashed my wrists if I took them seriously. I did hear one AC telling someone 'we had a very happy childhood' and all are close and loving to me, so I have to assume this is selective memory. I do feel sad when I hear complaints about their not having been allowed to do certain things, and how horribly strict I was. Pinch of salt is probably the answer - we can change nothing in any event.

Apparently, according to one of our AC, the problem was that we ‘woolly hippies’ didn’t set enough rules! Another, now a teacher and having seen the light, said I should have encouraged them do more sports. I didn’t like to point out that childhood laziness contributed quite a lot and siblings did lots of sports. However, I admit to being the most selfish teenager - hindsight would be much more useful if you could actually change anything.

Selected memory I call it.

" A mother's place is......in the wrong!" and, more seriously, someone said "The first task of adulthood is to forgive your parents" I guess none of us had 'perfect parents' and as adults we need to find a path to free ourselves from resentments, let them go, and move ahead into maturity. Not necessarily easy! But tough when we have had a hard time as children - or when our children resent things we don't remember at all!

One can only laugh into the wind.