Oh please help me Wise Women of GN

FannyCornforth when you ring the GP emphasise the fact that he was stuck in the bath and you were unable to help. The GP should see that this was a potentially dangerous situation and could have been very serious and that you really need a proper assessment.

My mother was disabled from age 39 and my husband progressively disabled from his thirties onwards.

What we learnt was to take advantage of the help on offer, financial, mechanical, human, and that struggling on trying to manage did nobody any good.

I sound a bit harsh but facing up to the reality was best in the long run.

Get a motorised wheelchair not a push one. Swap the bath for a roomy shower. Get help to keep the house clean. Pave the garden and have raised pots. Claim the allowances. Find out what charities will provide in the way of equipment or other support. In short make life as pleasant and easy as possible.

Not all at once obviously. Tackle one problem at a time. But do tackle them.

Best wishes?

I’m so sorry to read this. Living in constant pain with no end in sight and a husband who you can’t help who is also suffering must be tearing your heart out.
I can’t add to any of the useful advice already given, but please speak to your GP tomorrow and hopefully they will start the ball rolling to get you both help.
You are one of the stand out posters for me, and I had no idea of what you are going through. You are obviously very brave and never complain, so that alone tells me you have the strength and will to push through this awful day.
Take care. There will be many, many of us thinking of you and hoping that you and your husband will soon be feeling better x ???

Fanny
So sorry to hear you are struggling. There is lots of practical advice already here from others so just a hug from me x Millie

FannyCornforth I don’t know whereabouts you live, but a good starting point for finding help about adult social care, which is not only available for older people, is this website. Just enter your postcode. advicelocal.uk/disability-social-care

No advice other than ring your GP

Hopefully you can find some help

Deedaa

FannyCornforth when you ring the GP emphasise the fact that he was stuck in the bath and you were unable to help. The GP should see that this was a potentially dangerous situation and could have been very serious and that you really need a proper assessment.

Thank you - yes, you are right.
It definitely proves a point.

FannyCornforth I am so sorry you're having such a bad time. I do feel for you and your husband. You are so young to have such problems. Your husband's arm might ease soon. But even so you need help. You have been given good advice. I think you should contact Social Services as others have said and also find out what financial benefits you are entitled to as this could pay for help. I know it's difficult to see to this when you're feeling so poorly. Is there a relative who could help? If not you will have to make the effort yourself. AgeUK might be able to offer help or advice. I do hope you get something sorted soon. And if your husband get stuck again or needs assistance ring for help. Sending a hug.

An adult social care assessment is clearly required, a shower would make life a lot easier, how on earth you can manage a bath whilst barely being able to walk must be hard and do you have a stair lift? You may get help with things like this and as your condition is not improving a further GP assessment too. Start the ball rolling, let us know how you get on.

I can't add much to the advice you've been given but reading with interest.You have my absolute sympathy.My DH is riddled with arthritis and especially bad in his ankles and shoulder. He's only 62 ,which still seems relatively young to us, but the last couple of years it's got much worse and he is in constant pain.Some days worse than others.I have just spent a full day ouside walking our dogs and gardening and really miss him accompanying me.But at least I'm still fit and well myself.So for both of you to be struggling must be so hard.

My mum and dad were offered so many things to help them stay in their home by occupational therapy
Rails to help in the bath , risers for their chairs, railings down their front door step, a toilet seat riser mum who was deaf
(through measles) had a phone that wrote the message on a screen I can’t remember everything but they were all free
We had to contact the dr who put them in touch with a social worker who passed t hem to OT and I thought the service was wonderful
Do approach your GP for help no body needs to be stuck in a bath for hours

I’m so sort to hear about your state of health and your husband’s problems.
I have no real experience of asking for help in a situation like yours, but like Franbern I immediately thought about some electric transport so you won’t be confined to home. We had a walk in shower installed a while back because although we didn’t need it then, we were never going to get younger.
The Covid reaction seems to vary such a lot so it’s a shame your husband is having such a bad one.
All I can really do is send a virtual hug and hope things improve soon. X

Sorry to hear of your struggles.
Lots of good advice from other posters.

FannyCornforth I bet this awful episode has shattered you both, mentally and physically. You will both have lost confidence I expect and it will have frightened and upset you both.

A good night’s sleep will help. Things often look better in the morning. Then you can sit down together and think about the best way forward.

Wishing you both all the best. ?

Oh it’s so horrible to start to feel optimistic, and then be back to square one, you always sound so upbeat in your posts, I would never have guessed you were going through so much.
I agree with Welbeck, you must get the right equipment to make your lives easier, it’s terrible that you’ve had to suffer and worry so much.
Tomorrow is another day, which will hopefully be better for you, but try and be prepared for the next bad day.
Thinking of you

Fanny, I've got nothing useful to add to the words of all the Wise Women of GN who've already spoken, but I didn't want just to read and run. I'm so sorry for your predicament, and fingers crossed your DH's problems are only temporary. If it helps to hear this, my DSIL had bad side effects from her vaccine, and she had Covid last year. She was very poorly after the vaccine for a few days, but is right as rain now. Fingers crossed for you, best wishes, and some more . Here's hoping you have plenty of vases!

Wise words from all
..... my good wishes to you and your husband FannyCornforth. ?????

Oh FannyC, you poor thing, what a horrible day you’ve had.
Can’t think of anything to add to the excellent advice above.
I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and osteoarthritis in my early fifties and put on a weekly infusion to help bone strength and daily vitamin D and calcium. I haven’t really deteriorated much in 20 years. You should certainly be receiving treatment.
Please phone your GP first thing and come back and let us all know how you got on. We care.
Hopefully your husband’s suffering will wear off in time and you’ll both be able to enjoy some spring sunshine in due course.
You certainly keep us interested, stimulated and often amused with your imaginative posts, I had no idea how much you were suffering, what a warrior.

It’s all been said Advice wise, but best wishes to you both.

What a difficult situation for you - and so soul-destroying. Please do ring social services tomorrow and ask them to put you in touch with proper help. They should also be able to put you in contact with a district occupational therapist who will make sure that you have all the equipment you need.

Hopefully the painful arm will wear off quickly.

Good luck.

Lots of advice here FannyC . What a terrible day for you both. Do hope the Doctor can help.

Lots of good, pragmatic and compassionate advice here, I have nothing useful to offer, but sending good wishes to you both for better days soon ?

So sorry to hear you had a really bad day. Hope you get help soon. Disability benefit - if you're not on it already, opens many doors.
Best wishes to you both ?

Hope you manage to get some help organised Fanny.
Even getting through to the GP can be a trial, I would make a list of what you want to say and make a note of what she/he says too.
Hope you get some sleep, I know you're a night owl, sending best wishes.

Lovely Fanny, thank you for sharing this pickle of yours. It is so hard to feel helpless particularly when that is not your normal state. I hope you can get some help soon from your local council or whoever organises assistance where you are. Don’t be afraid to ask for it because it is your quality of life you are talking about here ! I love your wise and witty posts so don’t stop them, they are valuable and I am sure I speak for many here.
Hope things are on the improve,as they say here, English being a ‘second’ language to Strine. ???