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Grandkids moving across country

(36 Posts)
slwolfson Thu 04-Mar-21 20:08:58

I live in Oregon in the US. I moved across the country to be here in time for my first grandson and have lived here for 10 years. My grandson who is 9, now has an almost 6 year old brother. I held them both hours after birth and babysat for their pre k years. Just found out they will be moving to upstate NY, clear across the country. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on to stay connected/deal with grief. Covid has robbed me of a year, and now they say they will be in their new home by end of April! Covid killed their business and they could buy land cheaper and hope to homestead.
My 3 daughters are all on this coast. One 21 year old granddaughter also on this coast.
Any and all tips to dig out of depression welcomed :-)

4allweknow Sun 07-Mar-21 15:09:33

No doubt it will feel like a loss but in reality your family are having to move to survive so you should be pleased they have hopefully found a solution. Surely you will be able to visit when they have settled and if course new technology will help you to have regular contact. You have yo hold on to your family moving for a livelihood, not just a whim.

NotSpaghetti Sun 07-Mar-21 15:14:54

I have been both the mother who moved away and the mother whose children moved away.

As a young woman with a family I had no idea the upset I caused my parents when we blithely took our family away from the UK to America to live for a while. Now, two of my children have moved elsewhere. One, born in the USA, is settled on the west coast and will never come back. My oldest daughter left for Europe with her husband, their business and their family immediately after Brexit. Maybe they will, one day.

All I can say is give them your blessing. Do not show how desperate you feel. They will know you are sad because they know you love them - but do not add to this. I am deeply and profoundly grateful to my parents who, inspite of losing their only child and much loved granddaughter to a life the other side of the world, made us feel they were pleased for us to have new and exciting adventures.

I have learned a lot from this unselfish gift. I have waved my children and grandchildren off with smiles and happiness that they too are spreading their wings and flying away to new challenges, new things. This is my gift to them. Be pleased they are strong. They are seeking a better life. Please trust me, you will survive.

Put that brave face on, plan for a visit, write, send tiny gifts by post, get good at WhatsApp or Telegram.
You will find that soon they feel closer than they are.
Good luck.
Thinking of you.

moggie57 Sun 07-Mar-21 15:24:40

Can't you move nearer to them

suelld Sun 07-Mar-21 15:32:20

My eldest son, d-i-l and 2 small grandchildren (2 & 5) live in TOKYO, Japan - I've seen them in person for a couple of weeks twice since the first was born - Covid has stopped travel for almost a couple of years now but we keep in video touch regularly on FB Messenger - my son ensures my 5 year old reads to me and vice versa, etc, etc - it's great - and at 75 I'm self-employed and wouldn't have time to 'play' much anyway. I also live in Wales and both my sons jobs are not suited to 'provincial' living - they need to get on with their best lives - as do I - Its a fact of modern life nowadays - So slwolfson, get working on modern tech to keep in regular touch and actual visits (when allowed again) will be a joy!

Cabbie21 Sun 07-Mar-21 15:37:19

You know, they will soon be in their teens and have their own activities and interests which will keep them busy, so even if they were not moving and had stayed close by, you would find that the relationship moves on. I live fairly close to my grandchildren but rarely see or have much to do with two of them, now 16 and 19. They have their own lives. I am closer to the younger two.
My time is busy with voluntary work, choirs, church etc. So I keep busy. I love them to bits but they have their lives to lead. Wish them well, and enjoy them in the holidays.

slwolfson Sun 07-Mar-21 16:16:12

All of your comments uplift me. I am grateful. I have been practicing loving kindness and compassion meditation and it has helped. Our family does zoom. We are zooming this morning:-) I got my first vaccine yesterday! My husband is younger so has to wait. I'm having the boys spend a few nights the end of the month before they leave. It is a bit risky, but we have a tiny Airbnb out back where my husband will sleep. I have some gifts to give my grandkids- self addressed stamped envelopes and paper for picture drawing and writing grandma and kids travel journal. I have decided if all works out to go visit in July.
I can't tell you how much you all have helped me. I'm glad I joined Grander and hope I can help others soon.

Callistemon Sun 07-Mar-21 16:19:03

I think there are a fair few Gransnetters with family overseas, Sherry, so we know what it's like, especially during this pandemic when we can't travel.

Chin up gal, as my DH says (not that it always helps).

Bobdoesit Sun 07-Mar-21 16:27:25

BlueBelle I could not agree more!

cupcake1 Sun 07-Mar-21 17:23:30

Wishing you well slwolfson I can imagine how you feel I nearly ‘lost’ my DD and 2 DGD’s to NZ I was bereft just thinking about it, cried for weeks although not in front of her. They ended up not going (long story) I was elated but a couple of years later my DD and SIL got divorced. If it meant they would have had a happier life over there without divorce I would happily turn the clock back and help them pack their cases. As others have said plan your visits and make use of all the modern technology and ignore the negative and less than helpful comments. Wishing you all the very best 💐

Summerfly Mon 08-Mar-21 12:30:15

Hi Slwolfson. I’m a little late reading your post, but I’d like to add my thoughts. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your darling family, and I can promise you that won’t change. My DD moved abroad thirty years ago. Since then she has married and had three children. I have always played a huge part in their lives despite the distance. We’re as close now as we ever were. The nice part is that I get to visit a different country and have done so many, many times. Especially when the children were younger. It was a great help to my DD. Friendships have been made with her friends and family, and I always have visitors, every year! Of course I wish they lived closer . That’s a natural feeling for any parent, but it is what it is. I know you’re feeling sad, but I’m sure once the dust has settled, you’ll find your own way.
Some have said you should be glad for them and get on with it, but as I’ve read it you are happy for them. A little empathy from some on gransnet wouldn’t go amiss either!
Sending hugs. 💐