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how to help DD?

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tanith Fri 12-Mar-21 22:27:57

Why isn’t the teen having her baby in her own room? say a very firm no to the idea of her coming to live with you. It’s her parents responsibility to sort out the arrangements not yours.

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NotTooOld Fri 12-Mar-21 22:20:52

I think you must say a firm 'no', hard as that may be. Otherwise you will be letting yourself in for years of baby minding as well as financial hardship. They may be upset at first but if you stand firm they will accept your decision. Have you thought that the 16 year old may not wish to live with you anyway?

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Oopsadaisy1 Fri 12-Mar-21 22:01:22

What a pickle, if you agree to their suggestion, don’t for one minute imagine that the 16 yr old will want to stay at home and look after the baby, I’m afraid that you will become a ‘mother’ to both of them. And a babysitter for most days, nights and weekends.
What happens if the father of the baby wants to live with you too, or just stay over and eat and sleep with your GD? How will that work?
Go with your gut instinct if it’s a No then don’t feel guilty, I certainly wouldn’t be able or want to do it.

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cornishpatsy Fri 12-Mar-21 21:50:33

I think maybe you would be taking on the responsibility for your great-grandchild for many years as we all know that very few 16-year-olds have the capabilities emotionally or financially to support a baby.

If you do not want this a difficult conversation and initial upset is preferable to years of more child-rearing and limiting your grandchild's future.

I feel for you, an awful situation to be in.

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ellienate Fri 12-Mar-21 21:14:57

My DD is pregnant and has DC's from a few years old to young adults.

there are 5 bedrooms and I was told who are in each room; DD and husband, 1 teen, another teen in another room, 2 kids sharing, the last 'bedroom' which is tiny has been made into a nursery for DD's baby due in winter and will only fit one crib.

Her 16 year old has hesitantly announced today that she is also pregnant and my daughter is distraught and has told me about it about two hours ago and I am expected to respond with advice in an email at some point but I don't know what to say.

My DD has told me 16 year old is wanting to keep the baby, but has not thought out how this will work and expects parents to have it sorted.

This will impact my DD's baby, they can barely afford the one they're going to be having let alone two and can't realistically afford to get a bigger house for a few years yet.

It was suggested that I let 16 year old stay here with baby as DD knows I could afford to pay for them much easier than she could and there are two spare bedrooms, they don't have furniture.

It was suggested that I could let her stay here but this is not what I want to do ideally, as I don't think it's right that I would have to pay for the furniture, baby and grand daughter, and I had plans for my spare rooms as selfish as that sounds sad

It seems to be the sensible thing to do to agree to this but do I really have to take on this burden. Ok, I know I don't have to, but don't want to cause resentment and be distanced from family for being selfish.

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