The Argy Bar and Tea Room

Is that the Admiral who referred to ixion’s twin peaks? That is out of order, I’m sure he’s never climbed them, whatever he says!
I saw that no-one ate the fish eyes - fussy lot- so I threw them in the pond for the ducks to play marbles with!

I wish you wouldn’t our milk of magnesia in the cocktails AGA, the punters get through enough loo paper as it is! I quite like the zoflora one though, saves having to clean your teeth.

We will have to stop the people in the bar from writing in there. I saw the Admiral had put a comment. I know his scrawl. I really don't think he should be mentioning the size of waitresses' bazooms.

I think your cocktails 'hit the spot', AGA.
Have you seen the shiny new Visitors' Book I put out on the Terrace??
Half the comments and signatures are indecipherable, the other half are too, well, ribald to talk about.

Thor, Theo and I have been busy with cocktails after making yet another cauldron vat of poteen.
Brandy with a splash of zoflora.
Tequila, whisky and milk of magnesia garnished with some berries I found in the garden that the llamas wouldn't eat.
Sloe gin (took ages to make) with white vinegar.

Oh, he does love you after all, how could we doubt it! I bet he’ll sweep you off your feet and set you down in glorious Grimsby - where you’ll live happily ever after.
( oh no, we’ll be a waitress down - how will we cope? )

Wow - all my Christmases have come at once - guess who's just turned up? My Gary from Grimsby?. He has brought armloads of his poncy artistic Hawaiian garlands to welcome BB and family. Shame about the low budget shirt - I'll send him downstairs to the Bar.

Great idea about the scattered eyeballs - well, they do it in those desert places in tents, according to Michael Palin.
I have ventured into the office, grandmajet - don't tell lemon or Doodle ? - and found their hole puncher.. That'll speed things up.

Instead of the whole head, you could scatter a few eyes decoratively around the platter. That would add a touch of je ne sais quoi, I feel.
I’ve been studying my etiquette book!
I’m sure the sandwiches will be a huge success, they sound interesting. ( note to self - make sure there are plenty of wet wipes in the lavs)
We have grinning Gary and Thor poshed up and ready to go, also Thor’s mate Theo - who installed our dumb waiter, blond and beautiful, who pleaded to be allowed to help out. I think he fancies his chances with Big Bertha.

I also am doing patty for that exotic touch and watercress and stilton . Actually, it's not a blue cheese (well, wasn't originally) but some 'well matured' Cheddar. Too much blue to be able to cut it off.

Talking of exotic touch, which hunks have you got lined up to impress the posh brigade?
And keep the llamas away from any hint of cashmere stoles.
We have a reputation to keep up!

Er, no?
Just two rounds of bread cut into quarters to make them genteel
I apportioned one salmon per sandwich but they seem to be hanging over at each end?‍♀️.
I have a huge sack load here, cheap lot from Fishy Freddy down the docks. Lots of interest here from the local strays, tho.

Salmon have quite big heads - are the sandwiches baguette sized?

OK - so I'm on sandwiches?
Quick question for you Fannies out there: salmon and cucumber sandwiches -=do I chop the fish heads off or leave them smiling coquettishly over the edges?

Right folks, one last big push and the Easter opening weekend of the tearoom will be done. We’ve made loads of money, so the Spa looks like it will happen soon. Yay! We can all try out the hot tub .
I saw the photos of our winning Easter bonnets in all the top papers today, with brook and pants looking amazing and very classy. Let’s keep it that way. As Doodle says, no riffraff.
I’m busy laying the tables, AGA is planning the cocktails, and ixion is making some lovely little sandwiches, very dainty.
I believe BigBertha and her ultra smart chums are coming in today, so best behaviour everyone.

Ooh Doodle- how could you!? remind me of that time with the Folies when I wowed the front row without realising...I was surrounded by gentlemen callers backstage who kept referring to my delightful petite fleur and my French was too rusty to know what they meant?‍♀️

Oops sorry Pants I thought they were an old pair of lemon’s bloomers. I’m so used to finding them laying around I didn’t think they were yours. Good job you took them off after the can can. ........it was after, wasn’t it? ?

Ooh Doodle did you make the frilly pinny from my frilly flannel drawers wot I couldn’t find after the cancan I did at the Launch?

I took em off cos I was sweating like glowing, ?and left them on the back of my chair to air....couldn’t find them later and had to go home in flagrante as it were?

Oooh a big thank you for my prize Doodle the flowers are er.... blooming lovely! ... now where’s Gary hiding ? ....

Thank you Doodle. I will mind my p’s and q’s in future. I won’t let you down.
My bed time reading has changed from Fifty Shades of Grey to Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners. Seems to have cured my insomnia, an added bonus.

grandmajet you are an asset. I think you can be promoted to full time waitress (and part time bog cleaner floater division)
Bigbertha I hope you find our humble establishment to your liking. Hope you and your guests are comfortable.
Wow such wonderful Easter bonnets. I am overcome (actually, pants knocked me out with her flying saucer)
Such a wonderful effort all. First prize goes to Brook who gets a kiss from Grinning Gary the barman and a beautiful bouquet of flowers ........yes I know it looks like a wreath, it’s all I could get Easter Sunday. ?
Second prize goes to pants who gets a kiss from the Admiral and a frilly pinny (for when she serves tarts in the Tea room.......Yes I know AGA they’re not all tarts, some of them are nice working girls ?)

That would indeed be a great prize. I’ll have a word with those higher up the managerial chain than myself. I’m just a humble toilet cleaner / high class (?) waitress.
You have the best creation I’ve seen, definitely. I hope the judging was complete before the bunny ate most of the decorations!

I was hoping the prize for the best Easter Bonnet was a day in the Spa ... I don’t think I really want a kiss from the Admiral thank you, best not encourage him he was bad enough last week ....

Yes grandmajet it is me under that creation - it took me ages to make it and getting that bunny to sit still was a nightmare
I’ve already been up and down the high street a few times, it’s amazing who you meet and some very high class laydeees were heading towards the tea room, hope they arrived ok..

Morning, er, afternoon, brook. Are you entering the Easter bonnet competition? I thought I spotted you under what looked like a huge bowl of salad complete with bunny in the middle? Was that you? And pants has her satellite dish.
I believe the entrants parade round gransnet high street before the Grand prize giving in the tearoom. I wonder who is judging? Will the prize be a kiss from the Admiral?

I find my best glare again works under most circumstances. Or, throw in a small firework, quickly shut the lid , flush, and retreat.

For once, I am lost for words.....