Why don’t I want to talk to my friend after my DH’s death.

I am so sorry for your loss,Nanamar. I don't really have any advice except perhaps to just say you aren't able to speak to her and will contact her when you are up to it.

So sorry for your loss Nanamar.
As for your friend,she clearly hasn`t had much go wrong in her life to treat you in such a way.
People like that can`t cope with feelings
Given time Nanamar you will start talking as before.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. It is hard to know what to say but when I lost someone I needed to talk about it. Otherwise it was like pretending they hadn’t existed. If possible could you text or email your friend and tell her you really need to talk and perhaps reminisce about your husband. If that’s not possible next time she calls tell he4 you want to talk about h8m and do so, don’t give her the chance to change the subject. There will be tears I should imagine, but tears are a necessary part of love, loss, grief and happiness.

I am sorry about your husband, it all must have been really difficult, especially because of covid and you must feel very raw atm. I think I remember you posting about her before, she was the one who was very woe is me and very self absorbed? I think it's ok to ignore her for as long as you want to and I really understand why you are angry about people not seeing your husband when he was in his final weeks. Just be kind TO YOURSELF for now, nothing else matter at the moment

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, Nanamar
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When she phones, just tell her that it's lovely of her to keep in touch but you're sorry and you don't feel like talking just yet.

I hope you have other people to support you at this difficult time.

I have a friend like this.
I resorted to asking a mutual friend to ring her and say I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment, a white lie but I didn’t want to single her out.
She still rang several times but I have caller ID so didn’t answer her calls.
I did eventually answer she hadn’t changed at all so back to not answering.
I don’t need her in my life if she doesn’t want to listen to me and she doesn’t .

So sorry for your loss. I think just go comfortably with what your body is telling you - you dread talking to her, but aren’t sure why. So do what is right for you and look after yourself, your health and wellbeing.

As Avitorl suggests above, just say you aren’t up to it at the moment and give yourself some space. (If well-intentioned people ring, you can ease the mental load by letting it go to voicemail, deal in your own time, when you feel resilient, and you can reply by email for example “thanks, I appreciate you calling, I am not up to chatting just now, hope you understand”

I can’t articulate very well, but went through exactly that with some friends, perhaps at a deep subconscious level, feelings of resentment.(that she didn’t take that one chance to come and see your husband?). She might have been frightened, we all do things we later regret.

You might find (as did I) that many new closer friendships are formed from the most unexpected of sources, people reaching out to you that just “get it” and know when to be there for you and when you need space.

So very sorry to hear your sad news Nanamar

I think avitor has the right idea, Just tell your friend you are not up to talking to her at the moment. It's a shame she didn't visit but some people always put their own feelings first. I'm sure your other friends and family will be a support for you.

Condolences for your loss Nanamar. I would put her off when she 'phones. You need time to grieve and those who will support you while you do. .

Nanamar sorry to hear of your loss ??

Bereavement is very difficult for everybody. Many people just don't know what to say and will avoid the subject and/or the bereaved person. Others, like your friend may talk too much.

Some people find it easier to talk to strangers and most strangers don't mind listening and will be sympathetic. I remember after my Father had died my Mother told me that she had talked to someone on the train and how kind they had been. It made her feel just a little bit better.

Ask her to give you some space as your life has changed and you are trying to come to terms with the loss of your husband.
She’s probably a nice person but if she’s annoying you rather than give yourself stress over her tell her that you will contact her in the future when you feel better.

I too am so Sorry to read of the very sad time you are going through.
If you feel that you don’t wish to take her calls at the moment then please do what you want to do & be kind to yourself right now, stick to what you feel comfortable with .
Even including not answering the telephone , until or unless you are ready or want to.