Romance scams.......would you be gullible enough.

What a superior lot some of you are. Of course, at different times in our lives, anyone could be scammed. Do not believe you are more clever when it comes to scamming than the scammers are.

There are some really stupid answers to this question on this thread - and no, I have never been scammed - so far ... but I have seen two people who have and the man who scammed one of them went to prison for scamming five different women - all intelligent, all well educated, all aware of what goes on in the world.

People are scammed into buying things every day of the week; this is only taking things a step further forward. You are, I would have thought, more likely to escape the scammer if you have a "there but for the grace of God" attitude rather than a superiority complex when it comes to this.

I guess one attribute they do have is patience!
As Bluecat says they take their time building an online relationship with their victims, often over many months.
Once the woman feels she has fallen for the chap, he is halfway there.

Rowsie, the woman you quoted was lucky if her bank refused to do the transfer. I saw a woman on TV - relatively young, too - who’d sent all her savings to one of these bastards. But he still wanted more, so she took out a bank loan for £10k to send.

The bank actually asked what it was for, and she told them - and they warned her, but still let her have the money!

In some ways it’s probably like an addiction.
Maybe these women know it’s all going to end in tears but they’re addicted to the excitement. Bit like the gambler who ‘loses everything’ at the ( online ) casino.

You might marvel that intelligent adults can fall for these scams, but it demonstrates the skill of the scammers. No-one would be hooked if the scammers weren't extremely good at playing on their emotions and reeling them in. We all think that we wouldn't be conned but these liars obviously go to a lot of trouble to build up relationships with their victims before they start to wheedle money out of them.

It also says a lot about the corrosive power of loneliness.

Regularly on FB when I’m commenting on a post about anything, even the latest episode of the Archers a man will pop up saying “ Hi, how are you. I would like to be your friend but my request won’t go through. Would you please send me a friend request” I just ignore it and they disappear, or maybe pop up under a different name. Out of curiosity I had a look at the profile of one. Handsome silver haired naval officer in full rig, apparently from USA, then you look a bit deeper and see he’s from Nigeria! Makes me mad really, because other women might just accept his friend request.

A friend of a friend was scammed while on holiday. He was a tourist guide, she a divorced, clever and smart lady who said she never wanted to get married again, but was sucked in by his protestations of love. By the end of the holiday she had agreed to marry him.
When they were planning the wedding the Immigration officials went to great lengths to prove that they really did love each other, and that it wasn't just a ruse to allow him to live in Britain.
So they got married and had a child - then he formed a relationship with a woman down the road, went to live with her, she had a child and both children are in the same class at school.

Ha ha ...No......but I suppose if she was lonely she found it flattering ONCE ...but TWICE !!!!! I had someone contact me from an FB page wanting to be 'friends' and messaging me ...said he was a Doctor from Nigeria (oh yeah I bet !) and said he was thinking of travelling to the UK (well, for a start I was then living out of the UK !) to see an injured relative but was just short of enough money (a doctor ??!!) and he would love to come and visit me if he could get to the UK .....(my FB page does NOT reveal where I live, but its not in England) so I replied and said Oh how nice of you, but unfortunately I am unable to help you with any finances or accommodation ...I wish you luck !) ................actually, he did reply to say thank you and he wished me a happy future ! .......found that quite funny .............I was also accosted once walking on a beach (again, not in the UK) by a man who said 'I would like to be friends, would you like to come home with me'.....I said no thanks I am just going to pick my (then, (now late) ) husband up from hospital .................I just think it is really funny ......I said to him I am old enough to be your grandmother !.....just laughed and walked away ...................

They wouldn’t want to talk to me for very long as I’ve got no spare money to give them!
But - It’s so very sad though, I feel for the victims - the majority of the time they are targets of professional scamming rings, and put on a suckers list - they are £$ signs not people to the scammers .... it’s such a cruel crime and can hurt the victim on so many levels, financially and emotionally leaving them humiliated and vulnerable.
Scamming, phishing and the like have been allowed to go on for far too long, there needs to be more done to stop it at its source. The authorities know the countries who are the worst offenders and should be doing more to crack down on it.

As the old adage goes ‘if it looks too good to be true, it probably is’

Like everyone else I am staggered at how so many allegedly intelligent women can be fooled like this but I have read enough accounts to know that sadly it does happen.

I remember one particular woman who had transferred well over a hundred thousand pounds to a charmer she had never met, falling for sob story after sob story.

She said something like “I am a graduate. I run my own business for God’s sake yet I STILL fell for his lies”

If these women started to confide in friends they would undoubtedly be told what they don’t want to hear, so would stop talking about the new ‘love of their life’.

I don’t “blame” the victims, unfortunately there are so many people out there so desperate for love and happiness, then they clutch at straws. And likewise, there are so many opportunist, gold diggers out there too, who are just on the hunt for these vulnerable people. It truly is a minefield and that’s why I would never do “on line dating” as it makes it so easy for predators of either sex. Like others, if anyone asked me for any money I’d be off like a shot. I am surprised that so many people do get scammed still when it is so highly publicised these days.

Life has made me very cynical. I don't trust anyone. So hopefully I won't get caught by these scams.

I want to get those vulnerable people by the shoulders and shout "Wake up!"

Yeah, that'll help. Like telling a depressed person to pull themselves together.

I know someone who was caught by romance scam. Recently and unexpected widowed, she was left in debt, lonely and pretty much distraught. The man who contacted her (via a dating site) swore eternal love and asked for money to help his UK-resident daughter pay her rent (or something!). Her bank noted and blocked the payment, and sent a couple of kindly staff round to tell her it was a scam, and that if she persisted in paying him money she would be guilty of money-laundering. Her friends showed her all the romance-scam websites, even identified who the scammer probably was (someone in Nigeria?) and did their best to support her. Such was her emotional neediness that she completely refused to believe that she had been duped, and was convinced it was all a misunderstanding. Chet/Tex/Buddy was a genuinely nice expat oil executive with no access to banking facilities in the UK...you will be relieved to hear that shortly afterwards this lady met a nice tubby affectionate Welshman online, and settled happily with him. She still does not believe that Chet/Tex/Buddy was a scammer though.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No, I’m not that trusting.

Thankfully I've never been scammed out of money, but to highlight how false these internet personas are, I decided to venture into the world of online dating about 8 years ago. I paid to join the Guardian dating site, feeling I would meet like-minded men. To shorten the story, I emailed a man for months, building up a relationship to the point where we decided to meet in London. He gave me the choice of meeting on Monday or Thursday. I chose Thursday, and on Wednesday had an email from him ending the 'relationship' as he apparently had more than one woman on the go, had met one of them on Monday and apparently she turned out to be 'the one'. I was shocked, slightly hurt, and felt I'd had a lucky escape. But what a selfish, lying toad he was for setting several women up like that!

Questioning the woman's naivety is not the same as victim blaming. At some stage these women made a conscious decision to send/hand money to a stranger, sometimes very large amounts of money.
A victim did not make a conscious decision to be raped or assaulted. It's a totally different scenario.
I don't think that I would fall for a scammer, I'm too cynical but...never say never. Who knows what lies I might believe?

Some of the women seem very lonely and vulnerable and are ‘groomed’ by plausible sounding suitors who are experienced at telling victims what they want to hear

It has, well is still happening to a lady I know. She's has been sucked in by some gorgeous business man who lives in Spain and is madly in love. It probably is a clever group of scammers sitting in a house somewhere clearing out her bank account. Her marriage is over, her business has collapsed and she sold her house to send "him" money, it's been thousands of pounds. She sat at the airport, before Covid, and waited on him and of course he never showed up, he told her he had an emergency and didn't make the flight so covid is a great excuse now for him. I know I wouldn't fall for it, I'm in my own and I'm not sharing my money with anyone.
There has been do much about these scams I can't understand how some fall for it, but this woman has been brainwashed, her bank, the police, no one can get through to her.

These situations are sad as I believe these women are lonely and desperate for male companionship, but I don't think they are quite the astute business people they make out to be. They resolutely ignore advice from concerned family and friends, as happened to a friend of mine; she lost thousands she could ill-afford some years ago when these scams weren't common knowledge.

I watch an American show called Dr. PHIL. He highlights romance scams quite often. Some of the people caught in the scam are doctors and lawyers. Shocking how they get sucked in.

Some harsh words on this thread.
We all have our vulnerabilities and respond to things due to a mix of genetics, previous experiences, current circumstances and our physical and mental wellbeing.
The victims have done nothing wrong but have been vulnerable due to compassion, naivety or a need to be wanted/loved.
A very intelligent widowed friend of mine met a (supposedly divorced) man on holiday abroad who seemed to treat her well and with whom she appeared to have much in common. Following a second visit, she decided to move there to live with him, hoping to get married. After many months there and thousands of pounds lighter, she found out the truth that he was still married ( he hid his wife away), was embroiled in illegal activities and connected to some scary people. She was, in fact, lucky to get out of that country alive (I do not exaggerate). This was an extreme case and it was many years ago; there is definitely more publicity around these scams now.
I don't think any of us has the right to blame the victims. Anyone who has never made an error or judgement or believed the lies of a partner/colleague/tradesman have been very fortunate and should count their blessings.

A big fat NO from me.

Witzend my son enjoys watching YouTube videos posted by someone who scams the scammers! These are financial scammers who persuade people there's been fraudulent activity on their bank account and manage to persuade them to give the scammers remote access to their computer and bank details! They can then take all the money. It's insidious. Many of these scammers are in India and the clever guy who exposes them, by name, IP address and location (after hoaxing them himself) always reports them to the Indian authorities but nothing is done so they start again with a new victim.

Never give anyone remote access to your computer!