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Romance scams.......would you be gullible enough.

(110 Posts)
Sago Tue 30-Mar-21 21:12:33

Yet another romance scam made the headlines this week.

There are so many stories all following the same pattern I wonder how seemingly intelligent women fall victim to these scammers.

Do their friends and family warn them or are they not aware?
Do the banks not flag some of the transactions and intervene?
Do the victims really believe they have found their soulmate?

Is it naivety, stupidity or are the scammers very clever?

Shinamae Tue 30-Mar-21 21:13:41


Pantglas2 Tue 30-Mar-21 21:23:03

Oh lawdy! There appears to be not a week where another victim falls for this one and I’ve gotten to the stage where i can predict the outcome!

I’ve yet to meet the man who can part me from my finances and that includes DH (of donkeys years standing - he reckons Denzel Washington would struggle outside the boudoir... he’s right!)

Where are their brains?

TrendyNannie6 Tue 30-Mar-21 21:24:28


EllanVannin Tue 30-Mar-21 21:26:06

Vulnerability and total stupidity. Just as if ( rolls eyes )
It's that age when she must have thought she was no longer fanciable, then stupidly taken in by someone who was too good to be true. More money than sense played a part too !

Shinamae Tue 30-Mar-21 21:30:26

If they asked me for the price of a stamp that would be a red flag to me!!...🤨

Galaxy Tue 30-Mar-21 21:33:14

It's interesting that the anger seems to be directed at the women on the receiving end rather than the man committing the act.

Pantglas2 Tue 30-Mar-21 21:35:57

I know at the age of 65 that I’m no longer fanciable other than by DH, EllanVannin and that doesn’t stop me buttering my crumpets (as it were...😋) !

If someone else decided they were appealing, they’d be invited to toast on another 🔥 for a long while before being welcomed onto my hearth!

M0nica Tue 30-Mar-21 21:38:18

I am another, who would not be susceptible for all kinds of reasons, but mainly because I am not, and never have been the kind of woman that cannot function without a man in my life.

And that seems to be the unifying factor for all these women, whether they have successful careers or not, whether they ar educated or not; they are all looking for love, not a date, not the possibility of a new relationship. They crave love and their sense of self-worth seems to be bound up by whether they have a man in their lives and they are therefore very susceptible to anyone who claims to love them, because they cannot, in their own mind, live without it.

That the scammers are very clever cannot be denied. They listen to what these women say and feed back to them exacctly what they want to hear.

Thankfully, I am ,my own person, and do not need anyone else in the way they do.

I feel deeply sorry for the victims of these scams, although nowadays when the stories are all in the press and online, I do not understand how they cannot know about these scams before they are lured into them.

EilaRose Wed 31-Mar-21 00:08:07

While the victims are mostly female, I've heard of men being conned too. One was a retired solicitor which was a huge surprise because I thought he would have been a bit more savvy.

It is very sad but I still shake my head and ask 'why?' Like Monica, I don't need anyone like that in my life. There's nothing wrong with living alone.

Shinamae Wed 31-Mar-21 00:23:34

I haven’t had a significant other in my life for nearly 30 years now and I’m quite happy. I have friends who are are in relationships where they are not particularly happy but would rather be in a relationship then on their own, I like others on this thread do you not need the validation of a man on my arm to be my own woman...

welbeck Wed 31-Mar-21 01:30:26

i think we should be wary of victim-blaming.
and maybe we could fall for a different scam.
these men are professional criminals, they are skilled operators.
the vast majority of crime is now carried out remotely.

NotSpaghetti Wed 31-Mar-21 06:55:28

I agree with welbeck here.
Some people are very lonely deep-down.
Some are (fortunately) not.

These scams develop over periods of time. As they develop the victim is expertly groomed.
Please don't be so negative about the person being scammed.

Kandinsky Wed 31-Mar-21 07:01:01

These woman ( and it also happens to a men occasionally ) are not stupid.
They are vulnerable, kind, and trusting.
But also lonely.
I feel nothing but desperately sorry for them.

Katie59 Wed 31-Mar-21 07:03:52

It probably happens to men more than women, there are plenty of confidence tricksters that will prey on the vulnerable. We all have to be aware, not just for ourselves but our loved ones as well, marry a gold digger of either sex and your money can disappear very quickly. Have fun in later life but don’t get married, keep your finances separate, many of us are more vulnerable than we think!.

Kandinsky Wed 31-Mar-21 07:08:01

It probably happens to men more in real life but online fraud is mostly women I’d say.

Juliet27 Wed 31-Mar-21 07:15:43

If they asked me for the price of a stamp that would be a red flag to me!!...🤨

Me too Shinamae. I can understand getting emotionally involved but as soon as someone tried parting me with my money I’d be off!

Oldwoman70 Wed 31-Mar-21 07:19:37

I am sorry to see some posters blaming the victims - these criminals are very skilled and know how to play on the loneliness and vulnerability of their victims. As for family not warning them - chances are either the victim doesn't have family or doesn't want to reveal how lonely they are.

Yes, we do read lots of similar stories but how many of us very blithely say it couldn't happen to us - until you are in that position you never know

I often wonder how many possible friendships have not developed because we now have to be so careful. I know I have blocked people on social media who have contacted me simply because I don't want to risk becoming a victim.

Dorsetcupcake61 Wed 31-Mar-21 07:37:33

I have been happily on my own for several decades!
Over a decade ago,like many I discovered the internet. I was on a site called Stumbleupon. I think it's less popular now . It was an interesting concept. You entered your interests and it automatically took you to relevant sites,ones you probably wouldnt just find. That was fascinating. It also had a social side to it where you could have followers/follow people. If you were mutual you could message/share sites. It could be a lovely way to get to know people and made some nice contacts.
Of course there was always the darker side. I rapidly learnt that you couldnt trust people were who they claimed to be and that people could behave online however they wanted. I was cynical to start with and came to no harm. I did come across one individual who had multiple online identities which was both a bit of a game and quite creepy. I knew how to keep myself safe. My overwhelming impression was of men the world over huddled over their technology seeking out thrills whilst they partners were oblivious!
I would be exceptionally wary of my dream man popping up.
They are incredibly skilled at telling people what they not only want to hear but need to hear. They gradually draw people in until they are so emotionally invested ,as well as sometimes financially they continue long after they should. Men also suffer. There have been cases of highly intelligent career women who have lost tens of thousands of pounds.
A few years ago my daughters boyfriend mother was caught up in it. She was on a Christian dating site. This man worked abroad. The relationship became intense very quickly,he was sending her flowers and gifts. Then it just followed familiar plot with introduction of a daughter who became I'll,etc etc. She was on cloud 9 ,even talking about moving to Canada or wherever it was he lived. After a gentle conversation with her she confronted him and he disappeared without a trace.
She thought she was safe as a Christian website be for like minded people,which it may be. It also makes you are target for the unscrupulous!
I am surprised how these scams continue as there is more publicity. It's similar to women of a certain age who go abroad and find husbands decades younger. Some are genuinely naive. For the most part people hear what they want to hear.

Daisymae Wed 31-Mar-21 07:40:48

I can't help thinking that when someone you have never met asks you you for money there's only one answer.

NanKate Wed 31-Mar-21 08:15:31

I have a neighbour in her 80s who regularly goes on cruises. A few years ago she and a friend were on a cruise and they both said how wonderful the staff were to them and when they docked near the home of one of the staff they invited my friend and her pal to their home. Her pal went and said how welcoming the family were to her and it was obvious they were relatively poor.

Back home after a while her friend got a friendly email (she should never have given her email address) from the ship staff member who then built up a dialogue between them and then as you may see this coming she was told a story about his family and their urgent need for money. She was fool enough to give them £2,000 but of course it didn’t stop there. She was told the son of the man couldn’t finish Uni as they couldn’t pay, then she was told that the man had cancer and couldn’t afford treatment and was sent photos of him in hospital.

My neighbour tried to stop her friend sending money and I think the bank did too. It eventually was stopped but it is a warning of how vulnerable rich women can be sucked into giving money by people they thought were friends.

The man was sacked from his job on the ship as he had done this before.

glammanana Wed 31-Mar-21 08:28:26

Whilst I feel for people who loose their hard earned finances in this fraudulent way surely this scamming has been so well publicised over the years,some ladies/men are so desperate for friendship and a person in their life all sense goes out of the window.

BlueBelle Wed 31-Mar-21 08:34:16

I don’t think we should blame the victims but surely you have to question someone’s ability to think normally if they are sending money to men they ve never met or know absolutely nothing about... wouldn’t the shutters come down the minute they asked for a penny !!
NanKate I can understand that story slightly more, as the lady in question had met the family, been treated kindly and hospitable by them, knew they were poor but once an an amount like that was asked for i d politely withdraw

Anyone whose ever played scrabble ( or similar word games)online will know, all the service medics (widowed of course) in Afghanistan with a sick son Blah blah blah who want to be your friend because you have such a wonderful smile !!!

kircubbin2000 Wed 31-Mar-21 08:39:32

My friend went on a safari trip and was upset at how poor the young guide was. She still sends him money for his child .

Sarnia Wed 31-Mar-21 08:53:09

There are some women out there who are desperate for love and affection from a man. Lambs or possibly mutton to the slaughter. As a previous post says, you know the outcome.