Noisy children.

Our current neighbours’ youngest used to cry at the drop of a hat when they first moved in. Gran lived with them initially and I think the younger girl realised that crying got her what she wanted. Give it time and it will stop, if she is like this girl. Once they are at school, they get better at verbalising and don’t want to appear babyish. If she is older, a sympathetic discussion about whether she could be on the autistic spectrum might be helpful, but this past year has been unsettling for everyone, including children, and the parents may be having problems coping with home schooling etc. The fence is a different matter and I do agree that a quiet word might be in order, but at a time when things are relatively peaceful in their household so the parents might be more receptive

Maybe you could try handing a couple of Easter Eggs over the fence, saying Happy Easter and by the way, could I ask if the little boy could stop kicking the ball against the fence so much as it's pretty noisy when your sat in the garden. Maybe the parents will feel guilty then and it might just jog them into realising how disturbing it is for you.

I want to be with the people who say it's good for children to be outside etc and we're just miserable old codgers objecting to the natural noise of children, but I don't think that is always the case. My partner lives in a flat where there are students above and below. Above are the model of kindness, consideration and courtesy. Below, well, that is a private flat near the uni where the parents have effectively left an immature 18 year old alone in a very expensive city flat to her own devices. She has presumably always been loud, a door slammer, a screamer, she shrieks and squeals when her parents visit, and with the many 'friends' who turn up and during the endless all night parties she has been throwing during lockdown. Of course, she may have specific behavioural/learning difficulties, or issues that she hasn't learned how to deal with but having heard her interact with her parents it looks more like a family style of communication. I don't eves-drop, it's impossible not to hear the arguements. I think children who have been taught it's OK to be continuously really noisy and inconsiderate as part of their usual behaviour (and I don't mean natural exuberance and the sheer delight of being outside with friends after a lockdown) grow up to be intolerable neighbours. So, I think I'm with you OP. I used to be very tolerant, would get to know my neighbours and try and get on well with them, and until recently that has worked. Not any more though. I don't think it's curmudgeonly to think kids need to learn how to regulate their behaviour and have some sense of self awareness and appreciation for others in an increasingly crowded world and I do feel this particular girl is putting herself at risk with her behaviour. The only thing I would suggest is to wait and see if theres a lot of pent up energy and frustration being spent as a result of covid, which has driven us all a bit bonkers. When people feel less confined and isolated, maybe the noise levels will even out. I do hope so for us both.

You are being very unreasonable

I don't care what others think; I believe that everybody should put others first. Now, that can be 2-fold: this lady could put up with the racket, or the family should have a quiet rule every now and then for the sake of their neighbours.

We used to live on the edge of a small housing estate. Everybody observed care for neighbours apart from 2 couples, whose children were allowed free rein to absolutely anything they liked, from climbing over fences to other's gardens to screaming as loudly as possible. Also, we had the football against the fence problem and, trust me, it's as bad as Chinese water torture.

As children, we were roundly told off or had our ears clipped if we did anything to annoy others. That has stayed with me to this day and makes me see (I hope) how to live.

Live and let live does not mean that some should do all the living, while others do all the letting. Two way thing.

There simply is no concept of discipline these days, either imposed or self-. The gold rule of philosophy (and life in general) is think of others before yourselves.

the golden rule: do as you would be done by.
when i was young playing ball, except gentle rolling, like giant marbles, was not to be done in gardens.
the park was for exuberant kicking and throwing, also running, with shouting etc.
this rule was as much for their own parents' sake, not disrupting the garden, washing on line, as for the benefit of neighbours' quiet enjoyment.
normal noise is one thing.
some people are selfish, uncouth, no community spirit.
and noise can be a form of torture. even when lying down in a darkened room, one cannot escape this type of noise.
you have all my sympathy OP.

When my youngest was growing up, we lived in a quiet lane, mostly elderly people, and only three children. They would be out all hours, occasionally the man over the road would ask them not to sit on his wall, one elderly lady would get them working in her garden, and reward them with pound coins, but one woman was vile. She complained constantly about their noise, if they as much as put a foot in her property she threw a fit.
They were all well behaved children, they certainly weren’t noisy, and their games were mostly make believe games.
The point is, that they were the same three children to every resident, some found them friendly, helpful and generally well behaved, while this one woman probably described them as the children from hell.

There's a young family by me and their kids liked to knock on doors and run away, we've all played that game! But then they graduated to throwing things at the doors as it made a bigger bang and got a response.

However these kids came unstuck. There's a cctv attached to their house which covers part of the street. While the kids were at school, their parents watched it and saw what they were doing. As soon as they were home from school, their father made them go door to door apologising to every neighbour they'd disturbed. It's been very quiet since!

Now that's what parents should be doing, you can play, but go beyond a limit and there's consequences.

My friend couldn’t bear the sound of kids playing in the gardens around here. I suggested she down-size to a new development for over 55 females only. She did, and now is complaining that it’s just too quiet and feels like a grave yard she said “I may as well be dead”. Give me happy kids noises any day kids screams and all.
I guess you could mention the fence if its yours.
The people near me had a party last night I just put music with headphones. Id rather have kids noise then a party. People have been under house arrest for a year so I just feel Its par for the course.

I live in a small ground gloor flat, last summer a single mum with an 18year old son moved in, she akso has a younger son that lives with father and visits he is 12, he is a shrieker, whinger, door slammer and thumper if thwarted or tormented by older brother, who also has a very loud girlfriend who is there constantly, the noise is above the level of every day household movements and reasonable sounds, I put up with it through the till late night early hours, recently I had had enough and went and said my piece, to their credit they seem to have reigned it in and I am happy with a live and let live considerate approach by all.

I've lived now to door to families all my life however there was one family that had children that screamed. They didn't walk or just play their voices were so high pitched it cut glass. Just had to try and block it out as kid need to play.

Children playing is a lovely noise but screaming is another thing and the constant thudding of football is different. That would drive me mad too. I suggest wax ear plugs. It won't take the noise away completely but it will help! Good luck

Poor you
Noise can be so hard to deal with
I think it is the parents fault
I told my children not to scream it’s just not acceptable
The way people behave and allow the children behave nowadays is beyond , I feel for you , I’d probably move if I could

Children screaming and being out of control is not a lovely sound
I doubt they’d get away with it in school , maybe

I completely understand your issue, as we have much the same...we own a bungalow on a private rd with similar but smaller on each side. Three years ago one was bought by 2 20 somethings, and 2 children one 5, one 2. Into a 2 bed home, they now have 4 children in a 3 bed. The parents appear to think screaming at the children is what control and discipline is, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the children follow suit. At no point have they stopped building, as it is a self build extension, so permanent building noise every evening, weekend and bank holidays. On top of this - the two older children 'play's and scream from 8-8 weekends, and outside school hours likewise. They have a skateboard, scooter ramp 8ft high, which rumbles all the way up and all the way down for hours on end, plus the didn't ask for planning. We have lost our quiet, our privacy, and our view...but we are told to be understanding. Earplugs, cotton wool, keep your windows shut, upgrade your windows...Sorry, but why? We have been patient but we are at the point of considering losing our dream home, just to escape the constant noise. I'm a Grandma, but I have never heard my young grandson make anything like this level of noise, nor his friends.

I know children must play, yes it is better to be outside than in or online - but surely teaching children care and consideration for their neighbours should be part of raising a child. I'm only 55 but obviously my ideas on manners and consideration are hopelessly outdated

When my children were small I used to long to live in a detached house (sadly out of my price range then!) we lived in a small semi detached with horrid neighbours! One side had a teenage son who used to shout taunts at my eldest DD and whose parents complained about everything! including the colour of my sitting room curtains! The other side was a single man who worked night shifts as an IT manager and shouted at my toddlers playing in the garden in the afternoon as he wanted to sleep( they were not shrieking or throwing balls but just normal chatter!). I was so miserable that I had to move house after only a couple of years. So good neighbours are so important I have has nice ones since then and my DD3 who has 3 small children is very lucky with her tolerant neighbours, the best advice is have a gentle word about the fence issue at least, the 3 year old is a different matter as toddler tantrums arent easy to stop but the phase will not go on for ever!

i would knock and ask the parents if the children could stop kicking the ball against the your fence. if not you could have a word with enviromental dept at your local council.yes children do scream and have tamtrams ,as long as it isnt at night ..i know how you feel as i had non stop nintendo games from 11pm -5 am every night . i have complained and it finally has stopped , i kept a diary though. it is easter holidays though and kids do run riot in the holidays . but i would say something ..

SooozedaFlooze

Just wondering if you had children as you say you lived in your house for 45 years and these people have moved in your old friends house.
Children playing is a delight to hear. Have you considered how hard they've had the last year being stuck indoors?
Teenagers swearing & gobbing off in the garden I would agree with you on but children, come on

But the op isn't complaining about children playing. She's complaining about constant shouting and screaming and a football being repeatedly kicked against the shared fence. That most certainly isn't 'a delight to hear'. Have they considered how difficult the last year has been for the elderly or vulnerable whose only opportunity to be outside and to get some fresh air is by sitting in their garden? Unlike children who can run around the park and go on family walks.

Why does it matter whether the OP has had children or not. What a rude question. Many parents have come on here and said that level of noise would drive them mad.

What on earth is rude about enquiring if someone has children?

The context in which the question was asked.

its difficult, at the moment , with the pandemic, feelings are heightened, especially when we cant get out, its a bit like chinese torture, not easy really as to what to do about it, parents will probably say that the children are only playing and letting off steam. i do feel for you and sympathise though

Whilst i am happy to hear children play and thst is what they should be dping. What you are describing is not normal play, not acceptable at all. After all you have to live a life too. Anyone who says its just children etc can not have had to endure such awful behaviour. It sounds as though the parents are inconsiderate and ignorant. I am one of 7 children and remember my parents telling us to quieten down neighbours dont want to hear you. Its respect and sounds like ypur neighbours have none. Banging against the fence is too much. What you can do about it im not sure. If it is your fence you are quite within your rights to ask them to stop.

Sounds to me from reading all these posts, that with a little tolerance/consideration situations like this could be easily avoided.

I used to be a teacher and love the sound of children. The children next door can be noisy- no problem- but their dog Is another matter- in the garden, it barks incessantly- for no apparent reason other than for attention- I feel a bit sorry for it actually- the owners don’t seem to take any notice of it at all!!??

Its like having tinnitus you have a retrain your brain in distraction mode lol xx