Joke! Remember them?

oh, p.s. - Burns didn't write the Selkirk Grace.

Alexander and Nicola were sweethearts but the relationship was not really going anywhere.
So boldly he asked Nicola
Will ye come for a wee walk in the woods.
Noo Alexander I can see the twinkle in your eye
A week later he asked the same
Noo I can see the twinkle in you eye
Next week he wore sunglasses
Nicola will ye come for a wee walk in the woods
You cannae see the twinkle in my eye
Noo Alexander but I can see the tilt in your kilt

My daughters favourite joke:-

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonky!

She learned it when she was about 5. She’s nearly 40 - still makes us laugh! ( or are we easily pleased?)

Next week he wore sunglasses
Nicola will ye come for a wee walk in the woods
You cannae see the twinkle in my eye
Noo Alexander but I can see the tilt in your kilt

Katie59 Nice one! Thanks1

Very appropriate when somebody's been accused of sexual misdemeanours, yes.....

Alegrias1

Very appropriate when somebody's been accused of sexual misdemeanours, yes.....

The thought never entered my head, could have been Hamish or Jock entirely coincidental.

Note to self - stay off the jokes threads
Alegrias1
Please don't go! We're all different! Just think how boring life would be if were all clones!
Good Health.

The original joke was a send up of Burns Night, with David Cameron as the politician but it could have been any politician or celebrity.

Firecracker I am just wondering if by writing LOL so many times you are hoping your joke will become funny ?

Whether jokes are political or not the one criterion they should meet is to be funny. Rufus joke was.

I like this one.

www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/comments/l4tw0k/wee_joke_for_your_night/

Angus is on his deathbed. He calls for his oldest friend Hector.
"Hector", he says, "Will you do something for me after I've passed?"
"Of course," says Hector, "Anything at all, my old friend."
"Look under the bed", says Angus. "You'll find an unopened bottle of 60-year-old Macallan Malt Whisky. Before they screw down the lid of my coffin, I want you to pour all of the contents over me, so I go to Heaven bathed in my favourite tipple."
"My dear Angus," says Hector, "Of course I'll do that for you. It will be both an honour and a privilege to fulfil your dying wish." He leaves the room sobbing.
A minute later, Hector pops his head round the bedroom door:
".......Errr. You won't mind if I strain it through my kidneys first.....?"

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bodach

Angus is on his deathbed. He calls for his oldest friend Hector.
"Hector", he says, "Will you do something for me after I've passed?"
"Of course," says Hector, "Anything at all, my old friend."
"Look under the bed", says Angus. "You'll find an unopened bottle of 60-year-old Macallan Malt Whisky. Before they screw down the lid of my coffin, I want you to pour all of the contents over me, so I go to Heaven bathed in my favourite tipple."
"My dear Angus," says Hector, "Of course I'll do that for you. It will be both an honour and a privilege to fulfil your dying wish." He leaves the room sobbing.
A minute later, Hector pops his head round the bedroom door:
".......Errr. You won't mind if I strain it through my kidneys first.....?"

I darent tell that one in such sensitive company.

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Murphy was walking along the beach and saw this old bottle
Picked it up and took the cork out
Out popped a Genie “ you released me master I will grant you 3 wishes”
Murphy. Anything
Genie. Yes whatever you want.
Murphy. I’d like a brand new Rolls Royce and a million pounds a year to spend.
Genie. Easy it will be done, and your third wish
Murphy. I’d like to return home to the Emerald Isle.
Genie. Easy, here’s a first class airline ticket.
Murphy. no, no I terrible afeared of flying.
Genie. OK a first class ship ticket.
Murphy. No, no I get terrible seasick
Genie. How can I get you there if you can’t fly or sail
Murphy. You’ll have to build me a bridge.
Genie. But it’s 90 miles across the sea nobody has ever built a bridge that long it’s impossible, you’ll have to choose another wish.
Murphy thinks.
Give me the power to understand women.
Genie. How long did we say that bridge was going to be

LOL ! ???

The Burns joke is fun.

The Sturgeon and "lefty" ones are political - and may seem funny to some but not to others.

Murphy thinks.
Give me the power to understand women.
Genie. How long did we say that bridge was going to be
Katie59 It’s not fair!
You’re obviously a woman with diplomatic immunity, because if I’d told that joke I’d have had a posse descending on me for demeaning women, reported and banished!
We lost a few Grandads recently because of that: but “Carry on Regardless”,
Good Health

Rufus2

^Murphy thinks^.
Give me the power to understand women.
Genie. How long did we say that bridge was going to be
Katie59 It’s not fair!
You’re obviously a woman with diplomatic immunity, because if I’d told that joke I’d have had a posse descending on me for demeaning women, reported and banished!
We lost a few Grandads recently because of that: but “Carry on Regardless”,
Good Health

Life is pretty sad if we can’t laugh at ourselves!.

Well he probably couldn't understand this woman.

Especially when I tell him he could have a bridge after all.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-49661019

Just spent 15 minutes giggling. Thank you.
Of course we should all be able to laugh at ourselves. We’re human, aren’t we?

Life is pretty sad if we can’t laugh at ourselves!.
Katie59 Of course! Otherwise you could be missing the biggest joke of the year!
I'm surprised you seem to have taken my remark seriously. The whole concept of demeaning women is a joke in itself, especially when levelled at a group of harmless , fun-loving Grandads!
I was simply having a dig on our behalf!

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents.
We had a lovely evening and after she'd gone my Dad leaned over and said; "Son, I think this one's a keeper.
"Awww Dad; what makes you say that?"
"she smells of elephant poo!

.

???

Firecracker Best joke so far. My contribution is as follows, A man walks in to a bakers and asks is that a doughnut or a meringue ? The baker replies, naw, yer right enough it's a doughnut.