To think I am kidding myself about moving while working

Job moves are stressful, as is the unknown, and I wonder whether it is this that is making you feel as you do?

A 40 minute commute is quite usual - like others above mine used to take an hour at busy times, and I had children too, sometimes at different schools. It can be done, but needs organisation.

What we did was to put the children into wraparound care, which they loved. We were lucky in that there was one at the school they went to. I was on the start-up committee to get it going in the first place, so if your school doesn't have the facility you could do the same - they are well worth having, and for the children it is like a playdate with friends after each school day they use it.

The other thing we did was share the responsibility for picking them up and dropping them off. We are both their parents, so that was a given. This meant that the stress of getting there on time didn't fall to one of us all the time. My working hours weren't fixed, so sometimes I could leave a bit later, and make the journey shorter - missing the rush hour/schoolrun time would shave up to 30 minutes from the journey, and this helped, too.

As others have said, you can use the time to chill a bit, listen to music or an audiobook, or just to 'chill' and have a bit of downtime. I used public transport for my commute, and used to deal with emails on the way in, so that I knew what to expect from my day, and was able to have dealt with some of it before I got in - the journey needn't be lost time.

Everyone's circumstances are different, so I would say to give it a go, and see what works for you. Good luck!

Itsawelshthing I don't think you've said why you are moving. There must be a reason. Will your son have to change schools? Or is it actually because he's changing schools? Why can't your covid test be administered locally to save you having to go to work just for that on your day off?

It’s easy to get into a state of heightened anxiety. I’m sure it will be fine once you get started - def try and change your days to work with the testing it’s crazy to have to go in just for that. Good luck with it all xxx

As people have already said, can`t you change your day off so its not a test day. Hubby works from home but you do the errands and school run, maybe pass some of that load to him. Hope you feel better about it all soon.

Thinking about it is always worse than when you actually are doing it. You will be fine I’m sure. Try and use the commute to do something you enjoy perhaps listening to an audio book ( they are free on BorrowBox). Good luck with the move.

Again, a case of we women thinking we have to do it all. Why isn’t your husband being supportive? Why isn’t he taking and picking up your (and I assume) his son to make your life easier? Why can’t he run the errands?
Are you the only one who wanted to move or did your husband have input?
Once he is pulling his weight I think a 45 minute commute will be quite enjoyable for you.

Itsawelshthing - so sad to read your post. You are having health issues - your DH needs to do his share here somewhere - school run, cook meals/do housework ... or whatever. I notice that it was quite late when you posted - things always seem worse at night. Hope in these longer days you are already feeling more positive. You and your DH are in this together and his comment is extremely unhelpful. You (and I!) need a bit of assertiveness - don't get angry, get even...well you know what I mean. Don't turn it into a row, but you need to get your views across here. I wish you all the best in your new life and do remember that things won't always feel like this. Good luck!?

Im not sure why you are moving if its going to cause problems. You shouldnt have to go into work on your day off to do a covid test, these can be done from home. It sounds as if you dont want to move so worrying about things.

Several people have suggested using a satnav. If you don’t have one, there is an app called Waze which you can have on your phone, or you can use Google Maps.

My son also tests himself at home and he works in a PRU ( pupil referral unit) does seem excessive to have to go in just for the test . But even so that won’t be forever will it ?

Surely your DH should take some part in managing school runs. You appear to be trying to do it all, work, children, shopping. Speak with DH, you need some help.

I think you need to discuss worries with husband and see if you can plan a strategy of sharing pick up duties or the school run on a couple of days!
Get your priorities sorted over travel, route, timings, distance, cost etc! See if you can be tested near home on your day off ! Work together to overcome your fears! All change is stressful so treat yourself to a pamper now and again to de-stress and realign yourself!

As others have said it would be better for you if your husband shared the school run especially as he is working from home. Also you are using the same fuel and time travelling for part time hours including going in on your day off. Could you not work say three full days a week to include the Covid testing day?

Hello there
Why do you have to go in to do your covid test on your day off?Can they not be done if u go in a little earlier on day you work or do one at home yourself.U need time to yourself ...

Your husband works from home so maybe he can do one of the school runs?

My family are front line NHS and are provided with home testing Covid kits. The results are computerised. I'm not sure why you have to have the test done on site.

itsawelshthing - sounds to me as though your husband has a good deal - he works from home, has no travelling and must earn enough to manage - is that so or does his work-from-home salary mean that he's taking a cut on what he could get with a job he must physically attend? Does the 'luxury' of him working from home mean that he sacrifices a higher salary and means that you are forced to go out to work to supplement the family income? If you really are forced to go out then I guess work is a necessary evil for you rather than a vocation and if that's the case, why put yourself through this punishing schedule? My next question is whether your husband's situation means that he can relieve you of the school drop off and pick up? Are you children close enough to home for him to walk with them or to use public transport (I'm presuming you don't have two cars here). A 40 min drive from home is likely around 25-30 miles away. It might be lovely on a summer's day but in winter it could be much longer with rain on the roads, dismal lighting etc. Personally, I think that the regime you are setting yourself up for is quite gruelling and you're only looking at it as things are now but with children at school their pick ups will eventually change and things will happen to mean that sometimes they'll stay behind at school for additional sport/clubs etc. - how will you fit that in? I did a 40 minute journey to and from work for 18 years with one child only and the support of my husband for school drop off and mother for pick up. I loved the job which brought in twice what my husband earned so I never faced any pressure to give it up but I was always tired. Lots of things for you to consider here and one of them is whether what you truly gain by this long drive (emotionally, professionally, and financially) does in fact outweigh what would you would gain by doing what your husband suggests and working from home. Good luck in your thinking on this one.

I loved working over an hour's drive from home. It gave me time to myself; I had a shift working husband, horses, dogs and two kids plus an extra p/t job and an on call from f/t job! It amazes me now that I copied with it all, but we just do. Good luck and try not to get anxious. I hope your DP & DS pull their weight, even small DC can have little "helping" jobs to do and it can take a little bit of the stress off you.

Firstly you shouldn't have to take a covid test on your day off, so discuss this with your employer.
I was a single mum who walked 8 miles a day in all weathers while bringing up a child with special needs, so I'm sure once you have settled in you will cope very well.
Your husband should be taking responsibility of your son and household chores too.

Your DH sounds like a spare part, and not a helpful one at that! If you are worried about getting back for your son, perhaps he could at least pick him up if working from home - a bit of father/son time that they might enjoy. Good ideas here to practice your run and maybe use a satnav. I agree with others about the journey too, I had 45 mins to an hour each way each day, and it is lengthy, so use it to sing and unwind with the radio, plan your day, make a mental shopping list etc. Also, do your shopping online and make sure it comes at a time when DH can put it away. If you enjoy your job though, your son will soon be more independent, so try not to let your worries overwhelm you until you've given the new journey a fair trial.

If your husband is working from home, can he not do one of the school runs and would it be worth asking your boss if you could change the day for your testing so that you are not making an extra trip for that ?
I am sure that after a while it will become second nature and no doubt you will find a few short cuts !

When my office closed the nearest place to work was 35 mins away and I found the perfect answer,audiobooks,worked brilliantly some days I could hardly wait to finish seeing patients to get in the car to see what happened next ! Don’t worry it will work out fine,I always find when in the car no one can get hold of me so peace and quite if I’m so inclined,it’s me time,good luck.

If husband is WFH why can’t he do some school drop offs?
Also as someone has said why can’t you do your Covid test at home ? My daughter does a weekly one at home as she works shifts .

It is utterly ridiculous that you have to go into work on a day you do not normally work for a covid test.
Can you not take a LFT at home?

Pick a quiet day or mid afternoon and do a trial run
That way you will be more familiar with the route. I did this when I took live in jobs in different areas. It helps you feel more relaxed about the journey HTH xx