harry and megan

Elegran

If Harry had been born first he would have been a bit older when his mother was killed, and might have been a bit more resilient. Or he might not.

The research is clear in finding teenagers under 16 who are bereaved by the death of a parent are at risk of mental health problems. These include poor school attainment, drug/alcohol and sexually risky behaviour.
Of course not all children react in this way, good support networks and earlier resilience are helpful. There are many reasons PH lacked resilience as a child, before his mother’s shocking and tragic death.

Who carried out this research ?

If you Google research on parent death pre 16 you will see study after study looking at long term implications and possible interventions which may help.

Do you know what Iam64, I was thinking about bereaved high profile children only yesterday as I watched the uneventful F1 race from beautiful Monaco.
Grace was an American actress, and she married into the Grimaldi family which has always had a curse on it. Her death was tragic, her kids certainly went off the rails, Caroline's husband was killed in a boating accident leaving 3 children.
BUT, the difference is they have got on with their lives and do not whinge all day. They have dealt with their tragedies, no doubt with counselling and supporting each other. In fact Prince Albert actually made comments about Harry trashing the RF.
They may be a small fry family in the bigger picture, but they stick together and do not air their dirty washing in public,(although glamour is more on their side, of course!).

Martin Lewis (the money expert on tv) mother died in an accident days before his 12th birthday. Just disappeared in his eyes. not explained.
Alan Davies comedian & actor mother died when he was 6 .had therapy as an adult
google them.

Boz

Tickingbird

There are Keyboard Warriors all over blogs, everywhere! I suspect in the real world they wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Ah yes keyboard warriors - who talk about Diana who courted publicity “that ended well for her didn’t it “
Ring any bells ?

Sone people arent able to do that and will continue to struggle. That's the whole point of the research. Just look at the children of Bob Geldof. Again a family that was unlikely to be unscathed by their childhood, and there is no judgement in that it just is what it is.

Galaxy

If you Google research on parent death pre 16 you will see study after study looking at long term implications and possible interventions which may help.

Yes Galaxy.
Supporting a bereaved child when a parent has died is very hard and so sad. I'm not sure they ever recover.
Harder still though, in my limited experience, is supporting a sibling when a close brother or sister has died. Totally devastating, and this wasn't recognised so much until more recently. I have known cases where the parents themselves couldn't help their remaining children because they were so distraught. To this day, they are struggling, but united brave faces help.

I was thinking of all those who lost a parent during or just after the Second World War and other wars. My husband was one and he was only 4 years old with an older brother of 6. As others have said, it changes their whole perspective and in times past counselling just wasn’t a available , they just had to get on with it and suffer the damage done. Nothing was mentioned publicly. Maybe the very public soul bearing is part of Harry’s way of coping with his demons but it is certainly unusual and quite sad.

What of children of parents who have gone through an acrimonious divorce, children whose father has abandoned his
family ?

There is plenty of research into the impact on those children Annie. Our camhs services were offering individual and group therapy to that group over 20 years ago.

I lost my father when I was just a few weeks older than Harry. It does cause problems I think, I more or less gave up at school. My siblings had different issues.

Was my mother perfect? No, she went into a shell and left us floundering then she rushed into a marriage with a totally unsuitable man. Do I blame her for that? No, she was in pain and she did the best she could.

My maternal grandmother was widowed in WW1, left with 3 small children, two years later she married again, had two children from that marriage, she died giving birth to her fifth
child, my mother. Seven years later her second husband died,
so my mother and her brother were orphaned and their two half sisters and half brother and suffered the loss of their mother, father and step father , so much grief , they were split up , two boys lived with grandparents, two girls with their mother’s sister and the eldest daughter with her fathers parents, the five grew up to be lovely people, loving parents to their children and very close to each other. They were part of a
large extended family and loved.

Re the last two posts I think you possibly have to factor in the type of family, ie in the public domain or not

Who is a perfect parent? Harry and Meghan obviously!!!! Time they disappeared and got on with their lives quietly!

Lucca

Boz

Tickingbird

There are Keyboard Warriors all over blogs, everywhere! I suspect in the real world they wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Ah yes keyboard warriors - who talk about Diana who courted publicity “that ended well for her didn’t it “
Ring any bells ?

What happened to Diana was terrible. Not just the final act but starting with the acrimonious divorce of her parents, from what I remember her father wouldn't return her to her mother after a visit to him and that ended up in a court case where he got custody. Actually I think it started before that, she was "supposed" to be a boy, the heir her father wanted and to heal their sadness at the death of her brother, what pressure on a little baby. She hated her stepmother (they later became friends) and didn't seem to get on with nannies. What a sad childhood she had.

She had much that was positive in her life, she was beautiful, rich and had two healthy sons but much was missing in her life. Charles wasn't the only man who let her down. She did seem to use the press but they used her so no judgement there.

I'm not sure why people have taken such offence at “that ended well for her didn’t it" because I don't think anyone would say it ended well. I don't think it implies it was her fault or she got what she deserved or anything. It didn't end well, the press frenzy that resulted in a chase at night, high speed, driver who had been drinking could never be said to be a good ending.

Harry was young when his parents split, he had the humiliation of their break up being so public and it must have been hard for him at school, kids can be cruel can't they. He also had the issue of the constant digs about who his father really was, from everything we've seen (and obviously we don't know what happens in private) Prince Charles and his family don't seem to have entertained any doubts about that but it must have still hurt him.

I always think the public pressure on the royal family to bring him and William back to London when they were away from all the hysteria with their loving grandparents in Scotland was wrong. Sometimes people who think they are caring and supportive can cause damage.

I hope that he and Meghan find happiness, personally I don't think spewing venom makes anyone happy but that is for them to decide.

I know several couples who are from different countries, I don't think Meghan wanting to go home is unusal, I've seen it happen before and I've seen marriages breaking up because of the problems it has caused. As Meghan wasn't happy here I hope Harry can settle into American life and be happy there. I think that would be easier with a more private life but only time will tell.

Lucca, yes, most families struggle through with all kinds of challenges but don’t have to do that in the public eye. Most of us express different feelings about our experiences, at different times in our life. Sometimes a traumatic loss or attack seems manageable, only to trigger depression or anxiety later in life.

“I'm not sure why people have taken such offence at “that ended well for her didn’t it" Well I took offence as it was said in a sneery jokey way. Anyway I’ll leave again but I just feel the need sometimes to call people out on their unkindness.

Reference your post yesterday @ 22.12 trisher I think you'll find it's the "extreme terms" that are used to criticise posters who criticise H & M's behaviour that niggle.

Just because a family is high profile and in the public domain, it doesn't necessarily follow that their most private and intimate 'goings on' will be revealed to the world Lucca.

I got in touch with a cousin through family tree. His mother died in childbirth when he was 6 and was never mentioned to him again. hadn't even got a photo of her, I was able to send him one of her with my mother.

Smileless2012

Reference your post yesterday @ 22.12 trisher I think you'll find it's the "extreme terms" that are used to criticise posters who criticise H & M's behaviour that niggle.

Just because a family is high profile and in the public domain, it doesn't necessarily follow that their most private and intimate 'goings on' will be revealed to the world Lucca.

I meant that their issues re divorce death etc are in The public domain which may exacerbate the harm to their mental health, I was not commenting on Harry’s current revelations.

Iam64 Bullying and intimidation to express a different point of view?

No it isn’t but you know that. There is a concerted effort to derail these threads by a certain group of GN’s - no doubt republicans. Just let people be. They’re interested in these people and they aren’t doing any harm. As for the excuses usually given ie “just calling out unkind, nasty comments” that’s hogwash. The ones using these excuses are more than capable of making unkind, nasty comments about those they deem deserving of their bile.

We get it, some of you don’t like the H&M threads - I don’t read them all - I’m more than a little over them tbh, but I don’t resent others discussing them.

As for any other gransnetters that feel cowed into virtual silence - please don’t. Just ignore them and carry on posting.

Smileless2012

Reference your post yesterday @ 22.12 trisher I think you'll find it's the "extreme terms" that are used to criticise posters who criticise H & M's behaviour that niggle.

Just because a family is high profile and in the public domain, it doesn't necessarily follow that their most private and intimate 'goings on' will be revealed to the world Lucca.

The extreme terms are "bullying" and "intimidation" Smileless2012. As far as I know no one has been harmed , intimidated or coerced by anything anyone has said on these threads. Of course their conscience may have been pricked but that isn't the same thing at all.

trisher some have stopped posting because of the constant put downs, your last comment is one example .

“ As for the excuses usually given ie “just calling out unkind, nasty comments” that’s hogwash. ”
No it isn’t sorry, it’s the truth as far as my comments are concerned.
I’m neither a republican nor a monarchist.
I have never spouted anything like bile.

But on one of the myriad Harry threads someone said “Meghan is toxic”. So that’s just being interested?