Children’s upbringing - do you have regrets?

I think we got different things wrong for different children.

In retrospect, for example, we should have visited our oldest child at university more. We didn't visit much as saw this as "her space". I remember being fed up with my parents wanting to visit me at university (even just turning up once or twice) and thought she'd feel like me. She didn't. She felt we had just "let go of her".

She knows why now and we have talked about it in a loving way, more than once and apologised. We all know we got this wrong. I wish we had known at the time. Now it has moved into "family story" when discussing how parents get things wrong and it feels less painful to me. We accept that we all make mistakes. It still hurts me to be honest though - when I think about it.

There’s always things we could have done better, but we did what was right at the time, and with the best intentions.

Whitewavemark2

Nobody gets it all right or all wrong but if you have done your best then you can’t ask any more of yourself.

Mind you saying that ..........?.

I still muddle along.

This

I don’t often, if ever, agree with Whitewave, but on this occasion I think you’re spot on. I too am happily muddling on.

My father praised me a lot and it certainly didn't make me big-headed. It made me self-conscious. I didn't want to stand out and I think I missed a lot of opportunities because I was embarrassed or shy and always on the defensive.

It was that aspect of me, however, which has made my boys assertive and self-confident, so something good did come out of it in the end.

Oh dear accidentally posted before completed. It is so long I was going to edit it. Sorry folks!

jennifereccles you are right. A reality tv star Joey Essex has made a programme, aired on bbc this week I believe, about the death of his mother at a very young age and other programmes about physical abuse from fathers experienced by other rich and famous men has also aired recently. I think discussion can help people in many different ways. Both those who might go down the wrong path and those who will find that they are not alone. So many times on Gransnet people seek the thoughts of others from their experiences and thoughts on various personal subjects and hopefully get a little help from doing pig so.

As for my parenting, I can agree that I have been far too strict and at other times far too easy going. Trying to have the right balance has not been easy but I love the fact my own children return to our family home freq

I’ve had several of these conversations with my children over the past few years, primarily because of my behaviour. I’ve had three failed marriages all in their formative years and can’t stop thinking about how this effected them at the time. I’ve always been amazingly proud of my children, I tell them this, my daughter is a nurse with two degrees and my son is just finishing his second year of uni after a troubled late teens.
I’ve never not been there for them, told them I love them all the time and try to give them the wisdom of my experience as a person.
They tell me I’m a great mum and anything I’ve done has they know in their best interests. I try not to be a smothering mother, they know I’m there if they need me.
I think everyone will have regrets, being strong enough to admit and realise before it’s too late is probably the best we can all hope for. Take care and be kind xxx

Oh gosh doesn’t EVERYONE have regrets over certain aspects of their child-rearing?

Wouldn’t it take a particularly arrogant person to claim they got everything right?

I’m sure I made plenty of mistakes along the way, and certainly by today’s standards I was on the strict side.

In any case, isn’t there too much
‘parent blaming’ going on these days? We seem to be inundated with people digging up old grievances and airing them in public.

The petulant Harry of course springs to mind, and now it appears Starmer is at it too!

Nobody gets it all right or all wrong but if you have done your best then you can’t ask any more of yourself.

Mind you saying that ..........?.

I still muddle along.

I found motherhood very difficult and would do things differently given my time over again. However as time went on my DS and I have built up a good relationship. I have been a far better grandmother to my 2 DGSs.

That sounds to have been a special family discussion over a shared meal grannyactivist. One of those occasions when we are reminded how much our parents love us, that even in later life, we reflect on the way we brought up our children.

I agree with silver lining, I expect most of us have some regrets. Some things we would do differently. We learn how to be parents from our own experiences and by learning on the job

I think the failure to praise was because belief at the time was that it would make children ‘big headed’ . I have a friend who was brought up that way and continued this with her own children. They have grown up and have a good relationship with her as far as I know, but I remember sometimes wishing she would just say ‘well done’ sometimes. So I did instead, but coming from me just wasn’t the same.
I think regrets are inevitableGA and hope your in laws felt reassured after they talked about theirs.
I think we must all have regrets, I do, though always did my best, but often wonder what my AC really think. I hope they felt loved, because they were.

We struggled with the teenage years with a very challenging teenager and certainly made some mistakes. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!!

I simply look at the result before me and consider it must have been a job well done. Just muddled through and did the very best we could as each obstacle presented itself along the way. The relationship we have now is seriously heartwarming.j

I think every parent has regrets or things they would change by the time their children are grown. That's hindsight though and we all did the best we could with what we knew at the time.

I regret waiting so long to have my children, I was 32 when I had my first. And it's not like I had a fantastic job that got in the way of motherhood. But on the whole I think I did a good job, I was always there for them, always kind and gentle. And now they are adults they still want to be with me and often say they're glad I'm their mum

I do have lots of regrets regarding my role as a mother. I was too harsh, too strict, etc etc.Too late now. Just hope they will remember me with a bit of kindness ...