Should we tell our granddaughter when our dog is to be PTS?

On a different aspect - we had a male border collie who chased and attacked vehicles. We tried all ideas including electric collar. but he continued. we lived in open country
one day he went too far, attacked a car and died.
The family in the car stopped, they were friends of ours. Their grandson, aged about 6 , went to look at poor old Tip lying there at the side of the lane and announced "He's sleeping"
At that age that seems to be what death is.

I recently went through the same thing with my dog. I made the appointment with the vet for 5 days time thinking we'd have time to do nice things with her and say our goodbyes. Those days were aweful.... knowing what was going to happen and thinking all the time that's the last time she'll do this or go there or see that friend.
My GS (19) was very upset. He'd grown up with the dog and had lots of good memories. He's faced several bereavements in his life but he said this was the first time he was old enough to really understand it. He came with me to the vet and gave her a last cuddle.
What I'm trying to say is young children are resilient and I would tell your GD a day or two beforehand and let her say goodbye.

I am so sorry to hear about your dog and I am sending hugs you way. I think it is best to be honest with your granddaughter as she will only resent you later.

I was in this exact position in January. Our 6yr old boxer was having trouble peeing. I have always taken the dogs to the vet, but this time I had another appointment so my husband took him on the Saturday morning. When I got back and asked how he had got on, he told me we were to take him in on Monday to be pts. He had prostrate cancer, during lockdown I spoke to my grandkids every Saturday, that day I decided not to tell them . I told my son on the Monday afternoon and he told the gc. BTW If I had taken him I would have got the vet to do it there and then as we were all a wreck over the weekend every time we looked at him as apart from now peeing all the time we was still as bouncy as ever. Worst weekend ever.

I'll start with a warning, this may read as though I'm uncaring and it's not meant that way at all, I've just been through the PTS process more times than I care to recall and it's never easy, but once the decision has been made its better for everyone involved to do it without procrastination and prolonging the agony of grief.

The OP has stated numerous times that the dog isn't in any pain but also that it has no quality of life, can't toilet independently or walk.

Allowing this situation to continue, especially as your vet has been talking to you for 6 months about putting the poor dog to sleep is, in my opinion, cruel, and I speak from having several similar experiences over the years with pets of my own.

No, we never want to have them put to sleep because we love them and don't want to have to grieve their loss but in situations where they are either in pain or can't do the most basic things independently it's in their best interests to end their suffering because that's exactly what is happening, pain or no pain, your dog is suffering because it can't do the basics unaided.

An 11yr old is plenty old enough to understand, especially when they've seen the dog on a daily basis and can see what it is going through.

Yes, there will be tears (I know only too well because I cried for several hours last night because my best friend's 12.5yr old cocker spaniel passed away at teatime), but it's best to tell your gd today, bring the vet appointment forward and end the suffering.

Some people on here have said about having the dog cremated and then burying the ashes, you could have the vet arrange to put them into a wooden box with the dog's name on it and give it to your gd or even a carved wooden dog to put on the mantlepiece, I've got the ashes of one of my cats who died in labour and her 13 (yes, thirteen) unborn kittens in a carved wooden cat.

It's going to be a very sad time in the run up to doing the deed and afterwards but there really is no point in delaying, there's nothing worse than sitting waiting for a pet to die, it's much better to accept it's going to happen, get it over with and not prolong anyone's agony for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Such a sad time for you all. But please put your dog's needs first, she may not be in pain but I'm sure she's not happy with her situation. Please bring the appointment forward, for her sake. Your GD is 11, if she wants to go to the vet with Lottie and stay with her, then let her. She's more than old enough to understand and she'll see that it's a quick and gentle process and nothing to fear. The vet will be very understanding considering her youth. Yes, there will be tears for all of you, it's the price we pay for loving an animal, but also lots of happy memories to recall.

I was 10 when our first dog had to be PTS. My Mum wouldn't take him so she gave me a note for the vet and I took him. The vet sat me in an armchair with him on my lap and I cuddled him and talked to him as the injection was given and he just drifted off to sleep. It was quick and painless. The vet left me with him for a few minutes before returning his collar and lead to me, that was the saddest moment for me. But the whole event only strengthened my desire to be a vet, though sadly I never achieved that ambition.

It’s awful losing any pet but I think it’s far worse when you know it has to be done and a date has to be set. It happened to me with a Spaniel that was only 6 and had just had a puppy. During the several weeks when I was hoping that she wasn’t as ill as I’d feared ( one vet said it was terminal but I went for a second opinion and he said she just had an infection: however the first vet was right. He was going to come to my house to put her to sleep but the second vet refused to do that and I had to take her to the surgery). I cried myself dry for weeks over that dog, plus a feeling of anger towards the second vet. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is it’s difficult to set a date like that, especially if the dog isn’t in actual pain and it is a slow deterioration. And to have had her pts at the last vets appointment would have meant the OP wasn’t emotionally ready to do so. Again I took another dog to a second vet, had a bad prognosis and had her pts straight away, not wanting to take her home and call my own vet out. I regret doing so so much. Every pet I’ve had I’ve thought I’d learned from the experience and wouldn’t make the same mistake again, and each time it’s a different situation and I get it wrong.

Thank you Maybee for your understanding. No, we can’t bring the appointment forward, Lottie is quite happy being cuddled and carried everywhere, our GD is 11 and understands perfectly what is going to happen and why.

Lottie has Chiari malformation as well as other problems with her spine and brain which are very common in these dogs.. I didn’t go into all the details in the OP just tried to précis it into the phrase “we’ve tried everything”. We’ve had a walker thing but her front legs aren’t strong enough to pull her, we’ve got a pram, we’ve tried all the medication. It’s not rare, most KCS develop this dreadful disease and it’s passed on to puppies. Lottie had four lots of puppies (amateur puppy farm before we bought her) so all those will develop it which is disgusting and heartbreaking.

I’ve had dogs put down before, our vet is very sympathetic, he regrets having to do this as she’s still so alert and with it. We’re going to take her on Saturday morning after the surgery, GD wants to come but I don’t think so. She sees her every single day, she knows exactly what’s going on and has seen the deterioration. She was the one that hoped Lottie would reach Christmas and now we’ve had another six months.

I don’t think those who say we’re being cruel etc etc etc realise just how we’ve cared for Lottie and put her welfare first. We are not thinking of GD before the dog, we are trying to do the best we can for all of us while feeling sad and upset ourselves.

This is a lovely site with some very kind people but there are also some know it all’s who don’t think how their words can sting but anyway I asked for replies and I’ve got them and I thank you all for taking the time and trouble to respond to me.

I forgot to say thanks for all the suggestions of what to do ‘afterwards’. We’re going to put Lottie’s ashes, together with our last beloved dog, Sophie, who was PTS over 20 odd years ago and whose ashes have moved with us each time, and join them together and top with a rose tree and a plaque. Thanks for the suggestions for those Lottie plants too, I shall certainly look them out.

We’ll all be thinking of you when it happens Luckylegs. And thank you and your granddaughter for giving Lottie such a lovely life after her sad puppy farm experience x.

Thank you very much MayBee70. I am quite worked up about it all and trying to do the best for everyone but particularly Lottie, bless her.

BelindaB

I've ALWAYS held my dogs as they were PTS and allowing her to be there can be nothing but a good thing.

If you've done it before then you'll know how gentle the process is at it might be a great comfort to your grandaughter if she can be there.

Unless your vets' middle name is Hitler it certainly won't be traumatic!

Only the unknown can make us fear.

Until my last dog I would have agreed with you, I won't go into details, OP has enough to cope with, but I bitterly regret letting teenage son being there. Things don't always go to plan.

My last dog panicked and was very frightened. And this was with being at home with me sitting on the floor holding her.

It was the same with my cat Maybee although other pets have been pts peacefully. Although animals have no knowledge of death they pick up vibes from their owners.
I sympathise, its a horrible experience for all concerned.

Well, it’s all done now! It has been a long miserable week but Lottie has never been so cuddled and clean. We went this morning to the vets and it was all very calm and kindly done. After the initial injection, I carried her all round the building on the grass, in the sun, talking to her all the time, pointing out the trees and birds. By the time I got back to the car she was unconscious (general anaesthetic apparently) and she was cuddled by her dad as the other injection was done. All very peaceful. I wish it hadn’t been necessary but the vet said at 10 she was an average age for a KCS and only due to our care has she enjoyed her last years. I’ve got a splitting headache, we’re all very upset and we’ve gone round the house taking all her stuff away so we’re not looking at it. I can definitely say she wasn’t frightened or panicky, just a bit puzzled as to what was going on. Thanks for all your kind replies.

It sounds as though your vet did everything possible to make it as stress free as possible for you and Lottie. You will have been so calm and brave for Lotties sake up to now it’s no wonder you have a headache. Just look after yourself now and know that you did everything possible for her right up to the end. x

Much sympathy Luckylegs always remember that to die in the arms of the person who loves you and you love best, is a privilege not granted to many humans. ??

Just to add I have always held my dogs (all 4 to date) cuddled them and stroked their heads as they slipped away quietly - all except Hattie who I could not be with due to Covid regulations- I found that hard to forgive and that truly broke my heart ?

Luckylegs? I've had to do it three times. It's for the best, as you know.