Should we tell our granddaughter when our dog is to be PTS?

Thank you for your replies. I thought I’d put in my post that our GD is a very mature 11. She’s known this was coming for a long time now. Her mum said at first we should say that we found Lottie dead when we woke up one school day and we’d taken her to the vets but that just wouldn’t wash. GD would want to know how, where, what, when and expect a photo.

We are agreed that we were right not to just do it last night which I think might have been kinder all round but GD would have been denied her goodbyes. They are here every day, Lottie really perks up when she comes in and cuddles her. We’ve made the appointment for next Saturday, it’s just that I think it’s going to be a long miserable week with GD upset but I might be wrong. She might just have chance to do lots of loving and cuddling and be resigned by then? I suggested to her mum that we don’t tell her until middle of the week. D was thinking about it in the night and thinks we tell her that the vet has decided it has to happen and he’s going to give us an appointment in a couple of days. We’ll have to see how that goes. When I was a child, we just took them to the vets and it was done immediately but things are different now.

From your post it sounds as if your poor dog is really suffering and clearly has no quality of life. Your vet has advised you that your dog should be ‘put to sleep’. I feel that you should now put the needs of your dog first rather than prolong it’s misery.

Better a day too soon than a day too late, for the dog or so my vet tells me.
As already said, it depends on the age of the child as whether you give them the stark unvarnished truth, or say gently that she was so poorly she went to sleep and didn't wake up.
Its not a downright lie, because that's what happens, but you know your grandchildren, they may be able to cope with 'we've taken her to the vet who helped her to die in her sleep'.
And, if they're young, have a 'funeral', flowers, headstone, the lot - followed by a funeral tea with pop in wine glasses.

Gingster

When our beloved golden retriever was so poorly and couldn’t even get to his water bowl, I made an instant decision. I couldn’t bear to see him in distress and took him to the vets with my good friend and had him pts there and then. The family were upset and cross with me but after a while understood my actions. My children were teenagers so not young. We had kept him too long, and it wasn’t fair for him .

Exactly the same Gingster. Same type of dog as yours, same decision. Our daughter was away staying at a friends and was cross with me. She understands now that when the time has come you just have to do it without too much discussion. I prefer to talk about their amazing lives after the event.
Luckylegs could you leave it to the parents to explain to your GD and go from there when you see her?

I think children should always be told the truth, in a gentle and age-appropriate way.

I would not tell her,when she asks where your spaniel is just tell her in heaven.
Thats worked for me ,
I feel for you Luckylegs,A for your having to PTS your dog and you explaining to your gd.

My inclination if the children are small is to tell them after the event has happened, not before

I think you should tell your DGD a day or two beforehand. She already knows that Lottie is suffering and can't be made better so you can explain that PTS is the only thing that can be done to take her out of pain.

When our beloved golden retriever was so poorly and couldn’t even get to his water bowl, I made an instant decision. I couldn’t bear to see him in distress and took him to the vets with my good friend and had him pts there and then. The family were upset and cross with me but after a while understood my actions. My children were teenagers so not young. We had kept him too long, and it wasn’t fair for him .

Children are very resilient and understand and accept more than we realise. Let her spend some time with Lottie, she will see how poorly she is and you can the approach the subject of her going over the rainbow bridge where she will be able to run free and have no pain. Yes, she will be upset, but maybe give her a little bit of Lottie’s fur in a locket or on the back of a framed photo. It really does sound as though you have to let Lottie go, her quality of life is the most important decision. It is a life lesson, dogs do not stay with us for long enough, but while they are with us they are part of our family. Children have to learn what loss is and how to grieve. Please do it now, it is not fair on Lottie. Good luck.

As we don't know the age of your granddaughter it's hard to advise you Luckylegs
For the sake of your dog I would think it's better to have her put to sleep sooner rather than later. I have had to do this twice recently and I know how hard it is.
Children usually cope better with the truth than some story. Explain how ill your little dog is and that she won't get better. Arrange a small ceremony afterwards with your granddaughter maybe plant something in the garden in her memory.
I'm sorry this has happened to your dog but please for her sake don't put it off any longer.

My grandchildren (then 7, 6,4) cried loads when first Gracie then Hattie were PTS but I would not have done the goodbye you suggest as it would have been a long drawn out sorrow and you would have to explain euthanasia which is hard for a child to understand. “Grandma is going to get the vet to make Lottie never wake up ? I suppose it depends how old your GC is.
My D (then 13) was with me when our black lab was PTS many many years ago and she coped better than me.
My personal feeling is just do it then say Lottie was so poorly and old (in dog years) that she fell asleep and didn’t wake up. (How often have you perhaps watched Lottie sleeping peacefully and have wished she could just drift off? )
Have you told her about Rainbow Bridge?
It’s an awful thing, I was heartbroken especially losing Gracie and then Hattie so close to DH dying but having a distressed dog suffer. Not easy either way.

I don't know how old your GD is, but she must understand that the dog is sick and has no quality of life. Gently tell her this week that the dog will be put to sleep and invite her over to say goodbye. Explain the process to her, but yes I agree it may be too traumatic for her to be there. If the dog is cremated, perhaps you can bury the ashes around a rose bush in your garden with your GD to remember her by.

I'm so sorry for this to happen to you all; they are such a loving part of our family.

Difficult situation. When I was a child my mum told me our dog had ran away. She later told me she had had him pts and I was very upset by the deception. I can’t remember what age I was. I remember telling a teacher at school first of all that my dog had ran away, then telling her he had died. So from my childhood memory I would say it would be better for your granddaughter to know what was happening and have a chance to say goodbye. We always had little funerals for the pets we had when our children were young. We met a lady out walking recently that had three Cavaliers. All rescue and all with lots of medical problems. As with your dog lovely sweet natured little things. I thanked her for taking them on and she said it was her pleasure to do so. I don’t know what the answer is but children can be surprisingly resilient and mature about such things. One of my grandsons has a photo of the cat he grew up with next to his bed. We were all on holiday together a few years ago when our dog became very ill and we had to call a vet out to put her to sleep. My daughter took the boys out for a few hours till the vet arrived and I told them that it was wonderful that she had spent her last night surrounded by her family sat in front of the log burner being fussed over. No matter how many pets we have it never gets any easier does it. I’m really sorry about your little dog. x

I am sorry your dog has reached the time when life is so hard and painful. Give your gd notice of what is to come. Share your feelings of sadness as well. She can explore her feelings in a loving family environment. Depending on your gd, she may want to say goodbye. Tears are part of the process. She may want to be there at the end. Let her input and your loving care make this a time of learning and saying farewell.

And what do the parents of the child say?

How old is your gd?

We have been in this situation many times we always had two dogs. The most recent my lovely Jack Russell who I adored. Truthfully I would have your dog gently put to sleep. Give it a day or so and tell your GD that it passed in its sleep naturally. It's for the best I agree with your DH.