Not sure what I've done

The ball’s in their court then, if you’ve been so hospitable and not even had a thank you text since.

I think you’ve dodged a bullet if you hear nothing. You say you’re not too bothered and from your description of them I’m wondering whatever sort of friendship could they offer?
She knows how to contact you if she needs you…….

A troubled soul indeed. Two abusive husbands . Sounds as though her present husband maybe the reason she has backed off , you said he was 'reluctant to come' There is no knowing what their relationship is like, she may be keen to cultivate a friendship with you but is prevented so by her husband. As you have said he may be her third abusive husband,! If that is the case then I am sorry indeed. However if you were to become embroiled with her it could well take it's emotional toll on you . You may wish to offer support but please take care.

Have you ever heard of Stranger on the train phenomenon ? It has been cited in psychological theories. Basically it is when someone opens up to a stranger all the woes of their life. Often parts which they wouldn't share with anyone else but because it is a stranger then it feels safe as you would never see them again. Sometimes people overshare and then realise this is not a stranger on a train but that they will meet up again. Then it becomes awkward and they feel vulnerable due to hidden traumas now being known and maybe judged. So they retreat.
Is this a possibility do you think with this woman ?

You did only hear one side of the story Newatthis so I would agree with GrandmaFrench that maybe you have dodged a bullet on this one. Sounds like someone who does not learn from experience. Don't worry about it.

It sounds like they thrive on drama. You only have her word for the troubled background. I would agree, you have dodged a bullet. I suspect they are users and latch onto new people to feed their drama to. Avoid.

you say ' we've recently became friends with a couple'
well as you say 'recently' you've certainly dived in the deep end....Less is more, you shouldn't be in and out of each others homes for meals and listening to their business. ...Get on with your own lives.

I am not sure why we shouldn't have been in each other homes, surely this is how you make friends by socialising with them and I wasn't 'listening to their business' she volunteered the information.

I do take on all the other advice though - I think I have dodged a bullet.

From what you've written "she was troubled soul" what does she want you to do about her past troubles ?

Feel sorry for her, tell her "Oh how AWFUL for you, so you sympathised with her and then what ?

Rescue her from her past and current bad life choices ? Not you role in her life, that's her job.

With such a history and husband No3 "not very nice" - you suspect an abuser - you may well be correct about him but even if you are or you are wrong about him ask yourself;

Do you need or want an other persons dramas in your life ?

IF she has "over shared" and she may now regret that, nothing you can do about that.

IF husband No3 thinks she's over shared and doesn't like it, there is nothing you can do about that.

IF she has got out of 2 previous abusive relationships she knows how to get out of and abusive relationship.

She knows who to get help from and other than lots of "Poor You's" you can't really DO anything to change her situation?

I'm making an assumption that you are NOT a specialist in support and extraction from abuse.

So what did she want from you ? What could you give her ? May be attention, your time, sympathy ?

What did you get from the friendship with her ? Feeling needed, feeling important to her may be? Feeling used?

But what is it you are missing about her absences in your life ?

And the big one - What makes you think that her lack of contact has anything to do with you?

It is possible but Very, Very unlikely that anything you did or didn't do or say has anything to do with her withdrawal from your friendship.

It is most likely that Her lack of contact has everything to do with Them and very little to do with You.

It's hard to deal with sometimes but it is what it is. I hope you find a way to get to a time when you don't feel the absence of these people in your life.

WOW!!!! I don't feel the absence of them in my life. I was just a little perplexed. No I can't do anything about her past, nor her future nor the choices she makes, and if she wants her past to continuously affect her present and future then it's her problem. But I like to think that when I make a friendship that I am kind and supportive, which is what I was and if people want to share their problems with me then I will listen. I don't need to feel needed nor do I need to feel important, I have a loving husband and a wonderful family and lots of friends. I give friendship willingly. I will lose nothing by not having her as a friend and I certainly don't feel the absence of her friendship. As many others said on this thread, I dodged a bullet..

Newatthis Life is perplexing at times and things like this happen and you think 'what on earth is happening here?'

You are not particularly bothered, but the behaviour is so bizarre you wonder what caused it. I was once dropped into the deep and dirty by someone at work I barely knew, when I expressed my surprise to a work colleague she turned round and said 'Don't you know X absolutely loathes you'. To this day, 30 years later, I cannot help it occasionally coming to mind and thinking why? I wasn't bothered, as I said I barely knew the woman, it is just puzzling. I think that is how you are feeling as well and that puzzlement will stay.

There have been some very harsh replies on this thread.

Whereas few people are qualified or willing to 'get embroiled' in the lives of strangers, it is not at all unusual for friends to confide in one another and be supportive. In fact, that's what friendship is about.

That is not to say that this woman is necessarily going to be great friendship material (someone who has a string of 'dodgy' exes may be projecting their own behaviour onto the reasons for past relationship failures, for instance), she may be a lovely person who has had a lot of bad luck, but who could turn out to be a true friend to you in her turn.

Why not drop her a message to suggest going for coffee or a walk, or something that doesn't involve your husbands? She might be able to open up then if she wants to, but if not you will still get an idea as to whether she wants to stay in touch.

When my Mum was suffering with mental health problems she would suddenly turn on friends and decide she didn't want to see them again. This was very difficult for my father as they were often very good friends.

It could be that your friend has similar problems.
I think you are best out of it to be honest.

I think she’s realising she’s over shared and is regretting it. I’m sure it’s nothing you did, you sound like a very caring person and you gave her a shoulder to cry on. Nothing more you could have done.

Newatthis

You have answered your question "Not sure what I've done".

You were a kind person who listened and sympathised, you gave her your time, your attention and your care.

You did nothing wrong.

Her dropping you isn't about you.

You did what you could do, you did it freely and often and you don't seem to feel used by her.

That's good.

Her dropping you isn't about you.

You realise you don't need her in your life to make your life better.

That's good.

You recognise you have a good life, with family and friends.

That's great.

For whatever reason she has stopped her contact with you it has to everything do with her and/or her husband and Nothing to do with you.

It is always sad and uncomfortable when this sort of thing happens because the person who it happens to is left with no explanation, no understanding and nothing with which to make sense of their part in anything.

Therefore, it has to be everything to do with the other person and Nothing to do with you or how you were towards her.

She may feel something about over sharing, or her husband may be a part of the process.

Who Knows.

May be talking to you let her see what her life and future is like compared to yours and she didn't like that.

Who Knows?

May be your life, family, friends, happiness, completeness shone a light on her life and she didn't like her reality.

Who Knows.

May be her husband didn't like her having a friend.

May be he didn't want her seeing a 'Good Life" as a comparison to her life because he didn't want her realising how bad her life was.

Who Knows.

May be your kindness was too much for her. May be looking who you are and how people value you didn't sit well with who she thinks she is and how she is treated.

Who Knows.

There are a lot of Who Know's here.

A lot of You may never know in situations like this.

But what you do know now is;

1)You are fairly sure you dodged a bullet.

2) You consider yourself a kind person - you probably are or you wouldn't be hurt and confused by this situation.

3) You are a person who cares, listens and gives time and attention to others.

4) You don't need her in your life (or anyone like her or any drama in your life to make your life worthwhile)

5) You have family and friends in your life that you value and who value you.

I'd say you have a lot more answers to your question and understanding about the situation than you did before you posted?

You are a kind person, obviously and I just wouldn’t worry about this person. It could be that she has a pretty chaotic life which doesn’t include following up possible friendships. It could be that she regrets having told you all that stuff or it could even be that she has stacks of people in her life already. Don’t give her another thought unless she eventually makes contact!

Friendships have expiration dates (can go for many years, others for way shorter.

This one has run out and they are not interested in reciprocating your attention, for whatever reason

I think it is for the best.
You do not like her husband, she has a troubled past (which is her side of the story), you don't miss them.

Time to call it a day

You are obviously a kind person, but now a baffled one! You have done nothing that you need be concerned about, just write it off as 'there is nowt so queer as folk' and be thankful that your life is not so packed full of drama as hers is. I had a similar thing happen with a friend years ago; we were going there for dinner, I called to check on expected time of arrival, her DH didn't know we were expected, friend was out doing overtime allegedly ( civil service, on a Saturday?), and she never, ever called me back to explain. Apart from the odd boastful round robin letter at Christmas I never heard from her again. Still puzzles me.

Some people are just flaky but from what you've written it sounds like the husband might be in control of things, so I wouldn't take it personal. Btw I think it's completely normal to invite friends over for dinner, I have no idea what other people are going on about!

I agree, having friends round for dinner is a perfectly normal thing to do !

I think you sound a warm hearted caring person. Your new friend obviously has trusted you and told you her business. You met her husband who seemed reluctant to be in your company. Probably because he knows that you have been told about your friends private life. He is probably suspicious of everyone she befriends because they might see that he is controlling.
If he is a bully or control freak he will put your friend off seeing other people. It’s the way they operate bullies it’s how they are and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. Keep on being you a caring person you befriended someone who by the sounds of is troubled by her past. If she is in the same kind of relationship as her past she will not move on.

Thank you for all of your advice and support.