Childless and changed.

My ( childless ) sister outdoes me in talking and boasting about my grandchildren ! I am not allowed to talk about them , she takes over , so thank your lucky stars that doesn’t happen in your circle .
Sometimes I think they are hers !

I sympathise with your friend, I politely listen as friends update me on their children's lives, new jobs etc., and we all do the same over lunch, but then when the chat about grandchildren starts I do get bored. Is this all these intelligent, challenging, articulate people with careers and interesting lives can talk about?

I would imagine most of us reach a point where many things become a bit, well boring I suppose. We tread the same mill every day in many ways. As someone said, ( Ricky Gervais?), “ same sh.t, different day”.
It could be she’s in that groove as it were. Not necessarily regretting anything, but can’t do things like she used to anymore.
I agree with someone up thread. I find I’m not really interested in other peoples children/grandchildren past a certain point. My own are enough!!

Any subject can be tedious if you have no interest in it whether it's GCs, cars, golf etc. I can be interested in most things if the topic doesn't take over the whole conversation.

*Dinahmo I sometimes tease my younger daughter, whom I had late in life, that if I'd discovered horses and dogs before I had children, she wouldn't be here. To which she always replies that she wouldn't be here if my contraception hadn't let me down! It is, of course, in jest but I can talk about my horses and dogs all day and all night, fortunately I have many friends who are the same so we keep the talk to ourselves (mainly).

I could talk all day about my cats. ? I recently had a visit to the dental hygienist where were were discussing our cats (well, her more than me, as I was the victim…I mean…patient).

The nurse had to leave the room for something and when she came back she looked at us and said ‘Are you two STILL talking about cats?’ YES! we chorused back at her! .

My longest lasting and best friend is the biggest bore I know - and she isn't even a grandmother but a doting great aunt, she is well off and has been very generous in helping her niece and family through very difficult times and the whole family are close, but at times I feel like taking her tablet from her and hurling it out of the window as she talks endlessly about the children how clever, cute, exceptional they are.

Am I tempted to do the same? - I do not get a chance.

Truthfully your friend is probably bored rather than wishing she had grandchildren. Hearing about other people's grandchildren isn't all that interesting really. I get bored witless if anyone wants to talk about their dog.

I have no idea if your friend has regrets, but it's perfectly possible that, as she chose not to have children herself, other people's children/grandchildren hold no interest for her.

One of my 'childless by choice' friends has no interest in children at all, but has an extremely warm relationship with her adult niece and often mentions her in conversation. Some of my friends talk about their children/grandchildren and others rarely do. I know that whenever I've had a grandchild in hospital my friends rally round with supportive calls etc., but in the normal course of events we wouldn't spend much time chatting about our offspring.

I'm child free - never had that maternal urge. To be honest I'm not too keen on babies - give me a puppy or kitten any day. However, I do like children (once they start to walk and talk) and have always got on well with them. Possibly because I don't fuss them? When friends' children were young I often baby sat, or took them to the cinema. Now most of those children have children of their own and I always inquire after them and ask to see photos - it's a friendly thing to do.

I do have difficulties in remembering the GCs names sometimes but they are spread over the country and so don't see them that often. And there are so many. Say we have 10 couples who are good friends. They each have 2 children (sometimes more) Those children also have 2 children - could be 40 young people whose names are to be remembered. Difficult as one gets older.

Most of our friends recognised years ago that we are not that interested, apart from two couples. One, with their daughter, as soon as we arrived would show us all her artwork and then demonstrate her abilities with flashcards. The other couple, this time with their grandson, would watch on Skype him eat his tea - every day. Even if we were there for supper. Too much I'm afraid.

As regards telling parents what to do - being on the outside as an observer is quite interesting because when you're inside a family you don't always notice the dynamics.

Having just read this again I'm surprised at anybody who expects child free friends to remember everyone of their friends GCs. (as per my mathematical example above)

I've not had children. My closest friend from school had 4. I've never presumed to give my friend any advice on parenting......apart from just one occassion when I was very sharply rebuked.

So, it was roundabout the time that my friends eldest - my god daughter - was around 15. GD was transported door to door everywhere she went by her mum or dad by car. I deigned to comment to my friend that when she and I were that age we were on the bus, or walking, to youth clubs all over town......and often a late hour.

I was very sharply told.....well, that WAS 20 years ago, and things are very different now !

My one and only attempt at 'parental advice' - never again.

My lovely GD is 40 this year with children of her own. I won't be attempting to give her any parental advice either.

I don't discuss my adorable and fascinating grandsons in company unless I'm specifically asked about them. But I don't find someone talking about their family any more or less boring than someone going on at length about their hobbies - bowling, gardening, golf - or the holiday they've just been on, their new kitchen, or the dream they had last night. Even someone with the most exotic and fascinating lifestyle starts to pall pretty quickly if they go on and on about it and aren't interested in what anyone else has to say. A bore's a bore, and the topic's immaterial really.

I’ll shut up after this.

The phone just rang. A friend. Third sentence was about preparations for the grandchildren coming to visit.

I’m not quite sure what you’re asking us, Newatthis. Are you expecting your friend to open her conversations with questions about your DC/GC? Has she been a big part of their lives until now but has now backed off? How does she show her resentment? Would it actually make any difference to your relationship with her if you knew if she does/does not regret having children?

DC/GC are rarely the first things my friends and I talk about when we get together. We like to talk about ourselves first!

I think grandchildren are really interesting, whether other people’s or mine - though mine are the most interesting, of course.

All children are interesting.

Actually I know what you mean. I have a friend who is child free by choice. Very full life exactly as you describe. But, all her friends now have grandchildren and she’s clearly not happy. Even her gay friends have adopted a baby. Her ‘best’ friend has a new grandson and they all went out en famille as usual to some big event. My friend was disgusted at the amount of time this little one took up. He’s only just one but she thought ‘he demanded too much attention’. And ‘all that nappy changing and feeding. It’s all too full on. I think they should put him to one side. I had no chance to chat to X’. I had to smile and agreed one year olds are indeed full on. ?. I said nothing else but it was a bit of a ‘moment’!

Ha, ha newatthis I bet if you all put a penny into the middle every time one of you mentioned a grandchild (or lost track of the conversation because your mind had drifted off to your grandchildren) there’d be enough money to pay for the meal.?

People don’t know they’re doing it.

It’s hard when you think you’re going to talk about a book you read or what you did last Thursday or the incredibly interesting topic of just how you played that stroke or rally (??) and find you have to listen to tales of quite ordinary children doing everyday things?

You indicate she's changed over the past 10 years since you and others became grandparents - this could just be like the rest of the group she's got 10 years older.

Have you not changed at all in this time?

You sound a bit mean to be honest.

My GC are deep in my heart and always in the forefront of my mind but never on the tip of my tongue.

I nodded and smiled politely ?(?)

I hope you looked suitably interested.
Difficult, I know.

I was out last Sunday with a group of friends doing a sport. We stopped for a break and then one man just had to bring out his phone and the pictures of grandchildren. Cue the other grandparents.

I truly can’t understand why they thought we would want to see them. We don’t know them, never met them, never likely to meet them.

Perhaps a grandparent can tell me what the thinking is.

Grandchildren are rarely as fascinating as their grandparents think.

This! I'm a grandparent and I'm not especially fascinated with my own sometimes. None of my friends talk about their GC when we meet up either; too boring.

close not closed!