Childless and changed.

As I don’t know her I have no idea how your friend feels. How does her being ‘resentful’ manifest?

We all make choices in life and hers was what it was, I can understand after a lifetime of even small talk about children grandchildren that she has probably zoned out, after all that’s a big part of yours (our) lives and not hers even if you don’t talk about them much you all have a common bond that she doesn’t have
Ask her if you want an answer to your question, no one else will ever know and can’t possibly judge
As long as she’s a true and supportive friend it doesn’t matter what’s inside her own head does it ?

Lots of GP dont have access to GC for a variety of reasons.
Some of them probably dont want to talk of others GC. very much, if at all.
Does it matter really?

If I am completely honest although I have children and grandchildren I have very little interest in other people's grandchildren. I would always ask friend's how their children are but I don't ask after grandchildren. There's always lots more interesting to talk about. Rather than being resentful, could it be that she's just not interested?

Other peoples grandchildren are often a boring subject even when you have your own.

I also get fed up of listening to my friends talk about their grandchildren, even though it’s not always the main topic of conversation, someone always mentions them or boasts about them. I do have grandchildren but I’ve not seen them for four years as they live in the US and my son, now divorced from their mum, is useless at keeping in touch. It’s not upsetting for me and I’m not jealous but it’s just boring to hear what “cute” things they say or do or have to look at photos.

At my book group, there is about half an hour of talking about grandchildren before we start discussing the book which can be tedious. I don’t think my friends realise how much they talk about their grandchildren! There is one person in particular who talks about little else yet I’m sure if asked, they would not think that they were like this.

So I can empathise with your friend but I don’t think I show my feelings, I just sit quietly as I have nothing much to add to the conversation and try to change the subject after a while.

I seldom ask my friends how their children/grandchildren are. We will eventually probably get round to the subject but only when it comes up because we are visiting or doing GP duties. The only time I would ask is if I knew they had been going through a hard time or been ill. I wonder if they think I'm resentful? Or maybe I regret having children??? We have much more interesting things to talk about.

I have quite a few very closed friends who do not have children and I find them the least judgemental about my parenting maybe it's just your friends personality? maybe she just wants to talk about other stuff? maybe you have just grown apart? If it was her choice not to have children, I doubt she regrets it

Grandchildren are rarely as fascinating as their grandparents think.

close not closed!

Grandchildren are rarely as fascinating as their grandparents think.

This! I'm a grandparent and I'm not especially fascinated with my own sometimes. None of my friends talk about their GC when we meet up either; too boring.

I was out last Sunday with a group of friends doing a sport. We stopped for a break and then one man just had to bring out his phone and the pictures of grandchildren. Cue the other grandparents.

I truly can’t understand why they thought we would want to see them. We don’t know them, never met them, never likely to meet them.

Perhaps a grandparent can tell me what the thinking is.

I hope you looked suitably interested.
Difficult, I know.

I nodded and smiled politely ?(?)

My GC are deep in my heart and always in the forefront of my mind but never on the tip of my tongue.

You indicate she's changed over the past 10 years since you and others became grandparents - this could just be like the rest of the group she's got 10 years older.

Have you not changed at all in this time?

You sound a bit mean to be honest.

It’s hard when you think you’re going to talk about a book you read or what you did last Thursday or the incredibly interesting topic of just how you played that stroke or rally (??) and find you have to listen to tales of quite ordinary children doing everyday things?

Ha, ha newatthis I bet if you all put a penny into the middle every time one of you mentioned a grandchild (or lost track of the conversation because your mind had drifted off to your grandchildren) there’d be enough money to pay for the meal.?

People don’t know they’re doing it.

Actually I know what you mean. I have a friend who is child free by choice. Very full life exactly as you describe. But, all her friends now have grandchildren and she’s clearly not happy. Even her gay friends have adopted a baby. Her ‘best’ friend has a new grandson and they all went out en famille as usual to some big event. My friend was disgusted at the amount of time this little one took up. He’s only just one but she thought ‘he demanded too much attention’. And ‘all that nappy changing and feeding. It’s all too full on. I think they should put him to one side. I had no chance to chat to X’. I had to smile and agreed one year olds are indeed full on. ?. I said nothing else but it was a bit of a ‘moment’!

I think grandchildren are really interesting, whether other people’s or mine - though mine are the most interesting, of course.

All children are interesting.

I’m not quite sure what you’re asking us, Newatthis. Are you expecting your friend to open her conversations with questions about your DC/GC? Has she been a big part of their lives until now but has now backed off? How does she show her resentment? Would it actually make any difference to your relationship with her if you knew if she does/does not regret having children?

DC/GC are rarely the first things my friends and I talk about when we get together. We like to talk about ourselves first!

I’ll shut up after this.

The phone just rang. A friend. Third sentence was about preparations for the grandchildren coming to visit.

I don't discuss my adorable and fascinating grandsons in company unless I'm specifically asked about them. But I don't find someone talking about their family any more or less boring than someone going on at length about their hobbies - bowling, gardening, golf - or the holiday they've just been on, their new kitchen, or the dream they had last night. Even someone with the most exotic and fascinating lifestyle starts to pall pretty quickly if they go on and on about it and aren't interested in what anyone else has to say. A bore's a bore, and the topic's immaterial really.

I've not had children. My closest friend from school had 4. I've never presumed to give my friend any advice on parenting......apart from just one occassion when I was very sharply rebuked.

So, it was roundabout the time that my friends eldest - my god daughter - was around 15. GD was transported door to door everywhere she went by her mum or dad by car. I deigned to comment to my friend that when she and I were that age we were on the bus, or walking, to youth clubs all over town......and often a late hour.

I was very sharply told.....well, that WAS 20 years ago, and things are very different now !

My one and only attempt at 'parental advice' - never again.

My lovely GD is 40 this year with children of her own. I won't be attempting to give her any parental advice either.