Childless and changed.

Well said*Greeneyedgirl*. We should not be defined by whether we have children or not but by who we are as a person and what we contribute to and receive from friendships.

* hit post before I'd finished, I meant to add;

Children aren't for everyone.

It could be that you have just grown apart. I do find that over time my circle of friends changes. Maybe she just doesn't think you have very much in common anymore.

Not every woman who doesn't have children regrets it. I think that sometimes society only values women who have reproduced and that somehow you have failed as a woman if you don't have kids, or, as has been said to me in the past, there's something wrong with you if you don't have, or want children.

Newatthis How awful that you and your group of friends see fit to discuss this persons business between yourselves and then on here. What sort of friends are you?

I don’t know the friend so I’ve no idea how she feels, maybe she’s just not interested

I have children and grandchildren, yet for some reason, all my closest friends have been and are single and childless, some by choice, some not. My own daughter decided very young that she neither wanted children nor any kind of live-in relationship.

She is nearly 50 and has never had any regrets. She loves and enjoys the company of her nephew and niece.

It’s kind of a little bit sad if we are defined by whether we have GC or C. I don’t see it has any bearing on long standing friendships, unless personal interests are very narrow.

Hello Newatthis you know your friend better than we do so no idea if she has regrets about not having children. We do not have children and have friends who also do not have children as well as friends with children and grandchildren. When we get together we talk about the interests we share together (usually involving food and wine) our hobbies, holidays etc. rather than their offspring. I have no idea if my friends without children are childless by choice or were unable to have them, it is not something we have ever discussed in all the years we have known each other, we just accept each other the way we are and yes we still have fun!

Maybe it is more about the fact that her life has now changed and she feels she has nothing to contribute to the group. She doesn't have interesting grandchildren to tell you about, she doesn't have exciting parties to discuss, she hasn't been to any exotic travel locations ... etc.

Perhaps her life has changed more drastically than you and your other friends have experienced. This is what she is regretting.

I would only mention my granddaughter to friends with their own grandchildren. A couple of friends don’t have and don’t expect to have grandchildren. One never mentions the subject, the other is always really interested and asks what she is getting up to. My neighbour only has the one grandchild like me, and we love exchanging stories.

Her advice to us all on parenting was
‘Well I’ve observed you all over the years so I consider myself an expert now although many of you do it so badly’! And to reiterate we very seldom talk about our children/grandchildren. I saw in TV a hospital series last year on heart surgery, perhaps I could perform a by pass now!

Maggiemaybe

I don't discuss my adorable and fascinating grandsons in company unless I'm specifically asked about them. But I don't find someone talking about their family any more or less boring than someone going on at length about their hobbies - bowling, gardening, golf - or the holiday they've just been on, their new kitchen, or the dream they had last night. Even someone with the most exotic and fascinating lifestyle starts to pall pretty quickly if they go on and on about it and aren't interested in what anyone else has to say. A bore's a bore, and the topic's immaterial really.

I do think you make a good point Maggiemaybe

On the subject of regrets, I once asked a child free friend if she had any regrets now she was older.

Yes she said. I should have taken up tennis earlier.

She meant it.

When people (me) think others have regrets about not having children were only thinking about what we would regret.

I have a lovely friend who definitely didn't want grandchildren, mine arrived and years went by, I mentioned mine very little as I knew she wasn't interested. Low and behold out of the blue she now has three and talks about them morning, noon and night - what can you do

Your friend probably feels your lives have taken such different paths that you no longer have a lot in common?

I don't know whether that lady has any regrets or not. Maybe she does, inwardly, but doesn't want to talk about it. Hearing about other people's family can be boring.
I have thoroughly enjoyed being a grandparent but have always thought we should never make them the centre of our lives.

Welbeck Have you read Simon Hoggart's Christmas columns (either in the Guardian or the Observer) where he included a selection of round robin letters? They were hilarious (IMO) and can be bought in book form.

cornishpatsy

Other peoples grandchildren are often a boring subject even when you have your own.

I agree.

Can I pass my neighbour your number, please?
That way she can update you 4-5 times a day with the latest thrilling installment, and she may use my lanlldline so you get 59 mins free.

I like hearing about grandchildren, and children’s achievements. Far more interesting than people who talk about themselves. I once timed a friend on the phone. She talked for 20 solid minutes about herself before any other subject was allowed. I don’t know anything about her grandchildren because she isn’t interested in them. She’s not really interested in her children, either.

OP, maybe you tend to make assumptions.
you assumed that people reading this will be parents.
the opening banner on GN, states it is aimed at those over 50.
and in fact many younger people read and contribute.
some GPs speak like those hideous round-robin xmas letters, full of smug statements about their family's achievements.
it's bad enough having to read them, without having to pretend interest/admiration too, which would be expected in person.

I too am childless by choice, and like Dinahmo I much prefer anything with either four legs, fur or feathers. Children interest me about as much as the colour of your wallpaper, and I too zone out when friends are talking about their kids and grandchildren. And I really don't like human babies, any other species yes, but not human ones.

I don't think she's regretting not having any, I think she's just, like the rest of us, getting older.

Why would she regret her choice? Probably just doesn’t like the smug comments and implied nar ne nars she gets from her so called ‘friends’.

I hope I talk football with football mates, dogs with dog-walking friends, and DGC with other grans. I occasionally will have one who will ask outside their 'sphere', and obviously will respond accordingly, but I don't bring it up.
Yes I have childless friends (deliberate, medical and don't know as it's none of my business). The only time we'd discuss family is in reply to 'what've you been doing lately?'.
Do they have regrets? Do any of us regret not getting that job, buying that house, moving to that area, marrying or not marrying that man? Maybe in passing but no more than that.

Do any of you feel that she now has regrets about not having children?
Um , no.
Ten years worth of grandchildren and she is still supposed to be asking after them?
I would think she is thanking her lucky stars she followed her own path.