The Argy back to basics.

I see no palm trees?
In fact, all I see is one of these fast approaching...

Please will someone get the Admiral and Captain Pugwash below deck so they don't leap into defensive action.
Put Alarma at the pointy end, she's such a goddam misery she may intimidate them like she does most of our clientele
And put some headphones on Norbert - he doesn't like scenes.

On second thoughts, we have baguettes and Muse's pasties.
No offence but they seem lethal enough in the 'weight' department.
And we could use those strings of onions round the SO's neck.
Chew 'em and then breathe over the enemy?‍♀️

Just woken up on the deck. No sign of land. Everyone else is asleep including the captain. Who is steering the boat? We shouldn't have drunk that third barrel of poteen.
The sea was very rough last night so we may have gone off course.
I will check that everyone is here. Hope nobody went overboard.
Whew! All present and correct and Pugwash is back at the helm looking worried.

Well off we go then. French France, here we come. Oh la la. A ? a life on the ocean wave, a home on ……? where did I put the sea sick pills ?

Captain Pugwash - it’s been such a long time, sorry I didn’t recognise you .. you look slightly different to what I can remember

Thanks for the pasties muse I’ve put them safely below deck out of sight next to the gunpowder

Coastguard just messaged saying stormy seas forecast tonight and tomorrow so we’d best batten down the hatches and get going soon. Watch out for jellyfish and sharks he said - don’t know why

I wonder what Fronc is going to do with that baguette ?

Norbert is in the hammock fast asleep, think he enjoyed his poteen bottle

Bonjour mes camarades vilains grans. Muse has been practicing. That's my lot. Norbert ate French/English dictionary. Glad you've got your phrase book Doodle.

Pasties are ready. GR will be pleased. She had a moan at me because she didn't get one at the birthday bash.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202108/medium-26242-53d56c3b-90b0-4408-8f2e-3e1374590430.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202108/medium-894881-9896ec49-a168-4dea-bdde-2dac5d793fb5.jpeg

Fronc is ready for the off.
He is bringing his SO?‍♀️. Another Francophile.

Mighty Maggie is set to look after the llamas, May Hem and the bar. Alarma has been told to look after Norbert, or else no ice creams or nail painting.
I’ve packed the can can outfits. A vat of poteen, my French phrase book, sun cream (!) sea sick pills.
Of course I remember Pugsy ?
When everyone is ready, we can set sail.

As we have a boat and lots of tasty French food (that's if you like buttered snails) maybe we should set sail in the Jolly Roger. The Admiral is very excited and on board already.

My contact was very upset that you didn't recognise the illustrious Captain Pugwash with the Black Pearl?.
He comes with a cabin boy (Roger) and first mate (Seaman Staines) but both are mere boys so business, no pleasure, please, en voyage.
Can Muse bring pasties, please? GF may be homesick?

Jolly Roger, hmm yes I think he and I have crossed paths before
Poor little Norbert, good job he has us to look after him. Alarma is useless.
Well done on the snail front AGA. ixion you have triumphed again. So we can soon set sail.
Perhaps we should just tell grandmafrench we are coming.
Yes Brook I think the Admiral should come too. And Fronc.
If we get washed up on some remote island we may need to eat them ?
How about if we go tomorrow anyway. We can just tell grandmafrench we are coming for a beach party. Is that an idea ?

Yep ixion the pirate boat looks really good - is it the Jolly Roger? I’m not sure about the captain though he looks a bit fishy to me.

I think we’d best take the Admiral with us, he can make sure we get across the channel safely and entertain us with his usual sea shanties, he can share a cabin with Fronc

Trouble is though I’ve no idea when we should set sail as there’s no news of any celebrations yet .. ?

I’ve got Mae Wests ready for us all, a muster drill when the whistle blows!

Pirate ship. Just right for us. Not sure whether to leave the Admiral at the Argy or take him so we can keep an eye on him. He can be a bit unreliable on boats so everyone will need to wear a Mae West. No relation to May Hem.

Aha, my hearties!
Sorted...

This came in on the high tide this morning.
Not only do we have un bateau but a driver Captain to go with it?
Are we allowing the Admiral to come with us?
If so, they can reminisce together on the journey.

Poor Norbert is traumatised after his experience at sea. I have put a drop of poteen in his bottle. Cures anything. Needless to say Alarma is refusing to feed him herself.

I can't believe what an irresponsible mother Alarma is. Glad you noticed him out at sea brook.
Fronc is making some fancy French dishes to take over but says he needs to come as to put on the finishing touches. I have gathered loads of snails from the Argy garden so he is busy with them.

Hey Doodle, keep a hold of that boat. We could put Norbert in it and, with a tender behind , tow him over to see GF.

What better birthday treat?

Oh brook thank you for rescuing Norbert. Poor little thing.
We will form a human chain to bring you back in.
ixion I think you excelled yourself this time, however, I think you’re right. Something a little less flamboyant would be more suitable.

Oh my goodness - Alarma overheard us talking about sailing across the channel and just look what she’s done with Norbert!
I’m going to paddle out right now and rescue him, if I’m not back by midnight send out the Argy helicopter to winch me up ..

Well, I thought Colin and the Coastguards would come up trumps with a vessel to get us to la belle France and GF.
You'll be relieved to know that I sent this one back pdq.
Didn't think Grans would appreciate all that legwork up the masts, what with dodgy balance, hips, knees...
He has promised me an improvement on tomorrow's incoming tide.
Will let you know.

Good idea brook I will keep watch in the kitchen in case there is any news. Failing that I suggest we just tell her we’re coming ?

Don’t know yet Doodle I think we need our detective agency skills again ..
But think we should get ourselves ready and on standby as we might need to make a quick getaway at short notice
I’ll pop the baguettes in the oven - go well with the snails I reckon

Yes I think so.
brook do you know when grandmafrech would like us to visit? I thought I would get Fronc to knock up some delicacies for us to take with us.
AGA are there any snails in the cellar?

The coastguard owes us a few favours (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
I'll have a word in his shell-like.

Don't underestimate the might of Brunhilde. Our Lurpak Lil can pack a hefty punch.

Are the Tower Two still incarcerated?
Missing the odd Raven visit.

ixion I think the last we heard of Reggie was that he was spending time at her majesty’s pleasure ! New plan is needed.
Not sure Bertie and his pedal boat is a good idea either ….look what happened last time. ?
Brilliant idea of a trip to France for a belated birthday bash for grandmafrench. Will you tell her we’re coming brook?
Perhaps we can steal rent ( ixion ?) a boat from the docks for a couple of days. With the Admiral in charge (!) we should make it there and back.
No way are we leaving May Hem in charge. There might not be an Argy to come back to. Two options as far as I can see. One we ask leomon if she’ll do I for the night but she might want to come with us to France. Or we ask Mighty Maggie to keep control of both the llamas, May Hem and the bar. There will be no shenanigans if she’s in charge .

Oooh I love that idea ixion I could do with a holiday
Do you think it would be safe to leave May Hem in charge of the Argy for a few days?