Time to move on from job

The third director speaks of me in the highest terms also, both to me in person and any customers we have calls with. On a recent business trip, the ex-boss director said how lucky they’d been to find me when they started as they couldn’t have achieved what they have without me. But they are both so far-removed from the day to day running of the business they don’t really see what goes on. They come in the office once a week at most. Whatever my boss’s faults, he does the majority of the work so I can’t imagine they’d want to rock that boat as it would mean they’d have to step up. I’m sure they’ll be sure be shocked when I hand my notice in and perhaps they’ll get in touch to talk to me separately. I imagine one will make excuses for my boss ‘he doesn’t mean it, it’s just how he is’ as they are the closest two and the third will be non-commital ‘I can’t really comment, I don’t really come in the office much’.

The more I think about it, the more it looks like my boss is building a team around people aged between 18 and 23, no doubt because they don’t speak up to him or question what he says.

Anyway, best plan is to find another job away from it all. Glad to hear it worked out for the other lady.

Jeansberg If the other two directors own 2/3 of the business then they must have more power than your boss. You said that you got on well with the one to whom you used to report so how did you get on with the third one.

As a minority shareholder and the other two disagree with him there's not a lot he can do. The problems will arise if one of the others side with him.

I recall at least one other thread on a similar subject and that lady found a good new job.

Good luck

I agree, I still think there is a lot of age bias though. I’m 10 years older than my closest colleague in age and I don’t come across many older women amongst the staff of either our suppliers or customers but they must be out there somewhere.

Older employees are often so much more reliable, not having to take time off for child care, school holidays etc.

Thank you so much. The validation and appreciation of our customers has been the only thing that has kept me going this long and I feel even that has been held against me with his comments about me making others in the team look bad. I can’t wait to get to a new company who realise how lucky they are to have me.

That’s fair enough, if the payout is not desperately needed then as you say perhaps moving on is the right and best choice for you.

I would at your exit interview (or letter after you have left) though be very blunt regarding your value, your departure and his leadership resulting in a another valuable coworkers decision to leave. I was once hounded out like yourself, I was the first to quit but eventually the whole department left and I was contacted 8 months later to ask about my experience as head office finally cottoned on it wasn’t the boss but the management.

Take heart. Don’t let his hounding of you put your confidence down. You are valued by clients, your co workers and your other directors, their loss will be a another companies valuable addition!

I don’t think I will end up going down the route of addressing it via ACAS and the other directors. I want my notice period to be as stress-free as possible without confrontational meetings for the sake of a few extra grand. This person owns a third of the company and is the dominant force. However I do appreciate the advice on this point.

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to post, I’m so glad I started this thread.

I agree with dillythegardener document everything then tell the other Directors that you need an urgent meeting with them and tell them what is happening.
It’s constructive dismissal, don’t let him get away with replacing you with someone less competent and cheaper to employ. It’s time to stand up for yourself, if it doesn’t work out at least you will have had your say, but as Dilly said get ACAS involved. Meanwhile get your CV out to the Agencies.

Thank you so much, yes you’re right I’m like the fool who keeps using the same methods and expects a different outcome.

I have just re-instated my Indeed profile and have identified a couple of companies I’d like to work for and who will be lucky to have me! I also have LinkedIn premium to use that for job hunting although at the moment I can’t chase my status for obvious reasons.

I will also get back in touch with the agencies I temped with a few years ago, I always got excellent client feedback.

Completely agree with Franbern. My current job evolved from a temp role (as have most of my jobs TBH - I use temping as a way of scoping out companies to see whether we are a good fit) The temp agency had many mature ladies - most in their 60s, who were in high demand due to their experience, work ethic and committment. They, like I, were often offered permanent roles. Some accepted, some preferred the flexibility of temping. I'm 62 and I would not remain in a job that made me feel like you do, Jeanesberg - I'd be registering with agencies like a shot - temp and permanent.

I don't necessarily agree that our age is held against us - we often rung rings round our younger colleagues.

I urge you to stop thinking and do it - start today - life is too short

Good Luck

Thank you Franbern. This is what I really want to do but opinion seems to be divided on whether that’s foolish or not. I need to bite the bullet. I’m sure I will instantly feel like a weight has been lifted. At the moment I’m wasting time and energy attempting to change someone who has no need or motivation to do so. After I’ve left I’m sure he will still see me as the problem, same as my team member who left a few months ago.

Cannot understand anyone spending most of their time somewhere they are unhappy, particularly if they are not even financially dependant on that job.
I had no paid employment for a couple of decades, whilst I was bringing up my children, fostering children and acting as a carer to my husband.
Applied for a part time job when I was 61 -first one after I stopped paid employment some 25 years earlier. Got that, spent a happy eight years there, gaining promotion, etc during that time. One period, thought I was going to be made redundant, applied for another job (I was then 65 years of age), got offered that one also.
So, in my opionion you are pretty young - even more so as these days official retirement age is so much higher. When I applied aged 61 years of age, I was already then one year over female retirement age.
Do not waste time being stressed and unhappy- hand in a polite letter of notice and take your time to find yourself an alternative, happy employment.

To add, I lost a really talented member of my team earlier in the year due to this person’s behaviour towards her. She also got stressed, frustrated and ending up resigning which was a massive loss to the company. But he labelled her as an unstable troublemaker who wasn’t that good anyway.

I will definitely focus on moving on now and decide whether I want to cause myself further stress and frustration by going down the HR route for the sake of what I guess would only be a couple of grand payout? I don’t really have a field, my speciality is operations and service but I’ve worked in a variety of industries. I am very focused when it comes to job-hunting but the age thing does concern me. I guess it’s a numbers game though and I need to get past it mentally too. This is another reason to get out, it’s knocking my confidence when I know that the right organisation is lucky to have me!

Sounds like a very difficult work environment Jeanseberg if you intend to resign then I would ensure you take this man to task over his behaviour. Also make sure the other directors are aware of your reasons for leaving. This may prevent others from being treated in the same way. Good luck.

That set-up and boss sounds like somewhere my husband worked. He moved on by phoning a director he knew at another company and asking if they had a vacancy. He timed it just right as they'd just decided they needed someone.
Would a few speculative phone calls to people in your field be worth doing?

If as you say “ his whole language around women is awful” you maybe able to get a payout on your way out. I’d call ACAS, they have helped me in situations I’d given up on.

In any case, it’s such a small company I’d still see him regularly, he isn’t going to change and the other directors are barely around to give any input anyway. Although technically they are equals, he is clearly the CEO, the voice of the company, the person who leads our management meetings, makes the company announcements etc etc.

The recruitment industry is one of the main things holding me back from leaving as I know my age will go against me. Last time I job hunted I concentrated on sites like Indeed where there seem to be a lot more companies who recruit directly. Also via LinkedIn.

Yes I think he is probably pushing for me to either resign or significantly reduce my role and manage me into a much smaller function. I don’t think he’s ever been challenged by a woman before and he doesn’t like it. His whole language around women is awful.

But as for going to ACAS or raising a grievance/case for constructive dismissal, I don’t believe I’d win against him and I’d rather put my energy into job-hunting. I guess he’s relying on me not making a fuss though.

I’d also talk to your gp so that your work caused stress is recorded.

Before you leave I would try and resolve the situation with your current workplace. I’ve left roles before because of similar situations and they still leave a bad taste in my mouth. Standing up for yourself as an employee, whether or not you get the result you desire, is important and perhaps the situation can be resolved.

It sounds like you are both highly regarded by the other two directors and your clients.

I’d start a note book and in clear unemotive language list what you told us here and anything else you can thing of with dates/times.

Call ACAS and ask their opinion your situation, specifically how to raise a grievance sans an HR department.

It sounds like writing a official grievance letter to the other directors is the way to go. They may not realise what the third director is up to and if you are a valuable employee they may wish to change your line manager (the third director) to someone else to avoid losing you.

I'm self-employed, but from what other family members tell me recruitment these days is done through an agency rather than you applying for individual jobs yourself. One was contacted out of the blue recently about a job that might suit them.
Could you get your CV up to date and register with a few relevant agencies, then see what comes up?

Do you think this director is pushing for you to resign? Constructive dismissal?
Something to talk to ACAS about?

I could work in a lot of different sectors, my background is operations in different fields, mainly manufacturing and service. So I’m not limited by sector. I could also hopefully get temporary office work whilst I job hunted. I’m just very conscious of being 20-30 years older than the majority of recruiters I’d inevitably ending up having to deal with and that this would go against me. However, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve left a job without another to go to and I’m confident there are plenty ways I can address it with future employers without having to refer to my current situation. For example this is the first time I haven’t worked in an international company and I’d love to get back into that - I miss speaking different languages daily and the different culture of an international organisation.

Are you able to work self employed?