Calls from your adult children

We all live more than 200 miles apart at least so see little of each other. We speak to each other as and when, no regular times. I'm not a chatterer at the best of times, and can't be doing with constant phone calls to talk about nothing. Usually we phone when there is something to say. But none of us live alone, which might alter things.

Since COVID we've been in touch far more, and it's been a joy to see AC in touch more with their siblings and families, not just with me.

Kittylester now it is you who are implying that people that do not have daily contact with the offspring don't like each other. Each and every family to their own, but personally I think that more than once a day is well OTT

Kissngate why would you have gone wrong. Reading this thread, it’s clear that people are happy with different amounts of calls. Some would like more and some consider others have too many calls. If you’re happy with the calls you get, don’t worry.

My DD rings me once a week. I'm disabled. My 18 yr old granddaughter rings most days ( usually asking for money)

My daughter rings few times per day. My son if there is something to discuss. But I hear from them regularly so that's fine with me

Very seldom phone call from my Son but he is there whenI need him at the drop of a hat. Not many phone calls from my Daughter but frequent text messages they are both there for me as I am there for them.

One person's normal is another's WTF.

GrannySomerset

If my daughter rang me every day I would know that something was very wrong. We have a chat at least once a week with emails where useful. This feels about right for us.

this, exactly. To be called twice or thrice a day is way over the top and really not normal.

Maybe every 2 weeks. She has 2 girls under 8. The girls are with me this week, giving my single mom daughter a break. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND why she can’t manage a call to me more often. Holy cow! I had only 1 child. That’s all I wanted and knew I could manage. I was right.

What an interesting thread this is, I'm glad to see we aren't the only ones who dont speak to AC daily. DD phones once a week or more if stressed, DS twice a month if that. However we do try and What's app them regularly even if it's just sending a funny. Our gc are only young and definitely dont want to talk on phone. However most of our friends have frequent daily chats with AC and we wondered where we'd gone wrong.

One of my daughters contacts me at least once a day since my DH passed away onb1st Feb. Before that it was at least once a week. The other two are a lot less and always have been. Then they have the cheek to complain because I don't call them. I now call all 3 on the 1st of the month so they can then choose to call me in-between or not. They do see my posts on FB so they know a) what I up to and b) if I'm still alive.

Saetana the end of your post is quite right.
“ Basically so long as everyone is happy there is no right or wrong frequency to get in touch.”
I sympathise with those whose adult children don’t call as often as they’d like, but I love the fact that my AC contact us regularly, despite their busy lives.

I can't remember the last time my son phoned me. My daughter does maybe once a week. We have a family WhatsApp group, again my son doesn't always post on it. They all work. When I said to my daughter that my son rarely phones she said "it works both ways".

Kittylester you said
I think that it is wrong to assume that our children don't have full and busy lives if they call us often. We also have full and busy lives - we just happen to like each other.

What I understood from that was if parents and AC were not in contact all the time it must be because they do not like each other.

It may not be what you meant, and later posts would indicate that.

Just discussed this with DH and we both agreed our parents would NOT be happy if we were contacting them once a day, never mind 2-3 times! DH rings his mother at least once a week, as she is on her own, me and my parents get in touch a couple of times a month. We are all pretty independent in my family and have never had really frequent contact with each other. I touch base with my sister at least once a week via Facebook as she lives near our parents, I'm 350 miles away in the south. Basically so long as everyone is happy there is no right or wrong frequency to get in touch.

My DD rings once a week (more if there are problems!) She has a stressful job and works long hours so that is fine by me. When she was furloughed it was, I admit, every day. We text regularly. DS1 phones without fail once a week. DS2 who lives in the next road phones when there is a problem or he has some news! He does come over for a meal once a week though!!

The oldest who lives farthest away rings about once every 10 days - and we have a Whatsapp that is red hot with all of them every day - and lots of lovely photos arrive that way too.

They are all busy people so I don't feel deprived in any way.

I'm disabled and live alone. I have two sons, the elder, I 'might' get a WhatsApp message once a month if I'm lucky. The younger one calls me at least 4 times a week, he lives in a shared house (recently moved for his job and looking for somewhere better) but doesn't really get on with the other residents, most of whom are only a few years younger than him but he consists them immature. I get regular run-downs on the goings on in the house, bitching about his work colleagues, etc, this is his 'not so discreet' way of checking that I'm ok, he doesn't like to come across as overbearing so we chat about everything and nothing with the odd snippet dropped in about how I'm feeling.

I call my Mum every day. We live thousands of miles away from each other, and I miss her terribly.

MOnica, I am sure it doesn't and I never said, or thought, that it did.

Nor does it mean that my children haven't cut the apron strings or are not independent. They are.

GraceQuirrel

That’s just rude to ring your parent when you know they were out and busy. Mother should have told her so and said ring later.
Some sibling rivalry going on in that family I think.

Yes this did cross my mind. Are they trying to prove who is the most caring daughter?

My DD calls most days on her way to pick up GD from school and we chat for 10 mins or so. My DS,on the other hand, is completely different. I have to arrange a time to call him as he's always going somewhere or taking the kids to one sporting activity or the other. When we do speak it's usually a long call though. Always plenty of WhatsApp messages, jokes etc. on our family group though.

It all depends on the nature of the child. My DD has always talked and talked. Consequently I usually get at least 2 phone calls a day - to discuss what she's going to buy, what colour to paint the kitchen, where she's going, where she's been. I love her chat. We always find plenty to say. My DS calls once a week and it's quite a long phone call but he'd never call more than that. Everyone is different but I'm generalising I know when I see girls are usually far more chatty.

I have one abroad so rarely hear from him, the other two are in Scotland and I hear from them a couple of times a month. They have their own lives to lead and I have mine to lead, so we don't check up on each other. When we do catch up it is nice because we exchange what we have been doing.

I live alone and have two daughters who live busy lives. They ring me randomly every one or two weeks. They are very busy, families, full time and demanding jobs. We would all find daily phone calls too much, unless support was needed when times were difficult.
One daughter puts me on speaker and the conversation ranges around all present. I feel as if I were there with them.
The other daughter rings me when she knows she has plenty of time for a good chat. We have similar interests. A lot of venting has been going on about the political situation and how disturbing we find it.
I too think it's bad manners to indulge in long family phone calls when in company with friends.